Forever in the Past and Forever in the Future

The smell of pine needles and lavender fills the room. I keep my eyes closed and hide my smile as the giggles get closer.

“Mommy? Are you awake?” Maya’s little voice whispers loudly. I can feel her weight climbing onto the bed.

“Shhh, Maya, Mommy gets to sleep, because it's her birfday,” Andreas giggles at her while he climbs onto the bed as well.

I roll over and pretend to yawn witha big growl and stretch my arms out wide, grabbing them both and bringing them toward me. Their happy squeals fill my heart with joy.

“Hello, darlings,” I squeeze them tightly in my arms.

“Mommy, happy birfday!” Andreas says happily and gives me a wet kiss on the cheek.

“Mommy, Auntie Delilah said she’s made a cake for you,” Maya says with big gray eyes. She lays in my arms and plays with my white hair. She gives a sly little smile, “I think she made chocolate.”

“Oh, she did, did she?” I smile back. The twins talk excitedly at the same time, telling me about all the things they want to do with me today for my birthday until it’s time for cake. I listen intently as I wipe the sleep out of my eyes.

“Daddy has a surprise for you too!” Andreas says proudly. His light green eyes sparkle and he pushes his light brown hair out of his face.

“Oh, he does?” I muse, helping him brush his bangs to the side. I had specifically told him not to get me anything, but that has never stopped him before, “Are you going to give me any hints?”

“No, Mommy. Not even for chocolate chip cookies,” Andreas says solemnly. I laugh, “Okay, fine. Speaking of which, where is Daddy?”

“In the living room with Uncle Marco,” they say almost in unison.

“Okay, why don’t you go let them know I’m awake and I will be out as soon as I’m dressed,” I kiss them both on the cheek and send them out of the room. When my heart started a few minutes after they deliver the twins, the entire pack rejoices. That's what I'm told, anyway. I am too weak to find out for myself. Bronx arranges for me to live in the suite next to his apartment. For the first four months, I cannot get out of bed without help from the nurses. When she gets back from maternity leave, Diane becomes my personal nurse. She also gladly accepted the position of nanny for the twins.

Bronx keeps his distance for a couple of months. Diane tells me he got intensive treatment for his mental health in the hospital wing. He is taking it seriously this time. For a few months, he only comes to see the twins when I’m sleeping, not wanting to upset me with his presence. He finally starts coming to the suite when I am awake, but stands at a distance. He asks me how I am, but is careful not to get too close to me or try to have any sort of meaningful conversation. Diane says it's difficult for him to believe that I have no hard feelings about how he treated me but he’s trying.

Bronx comes every day and spends a lot more time with our babies once we are on speaking terms. Delilah, Ashley, and Musu come on the day’s Diane has off and take turns helping him and showing him how to take care of them when I am too exhausted to doit. '

After a year, he brings me flowers every week and takes me to the hospital wing for doctor appointments. He also makes sure I take my medicines and vitamins. We have actual conversations and discuss pack business. Not like we used to, but it’s a start. He also brings my meals up to me and escorts the twins and me down to the dining room a couple of times a week.

After a year and a half has passed, Diane insists that Bronx andI goona date while she and Carly keep the children for the evening. He takes me to the botanical garden where he has a chef flown in from Paris to make us dinner and he shows me roses bushes he had dedicated to Maya and Andreas. It is the first time we really talk about our relationship since our pups were born. He still doesn’t believe I have forgiven him.

After that first date, Bronx and I spend more time together. There are even some nights where we have the twins sleep in the nursery in his apartment.

Bronx and I sit close together on the sofa and watch cooking competition shows until I fall asleep. He puts me in the bedroom without waking me up and sleeps on the sofa. If the babies cry or need to be fed or changed, he gets up and lets me sleep.

One afternoon, just before the twins’ second birthday, I'm laying down in Bronx’s bed with the babies while they nap. Bronx comes in and sits on the floor next to the bed. I watch intently while he rubs his hands over his face and sighs. He looks at me and looks away over and over until he can finally talk. I listen patiently while he quietly recants everything he had been going through for the past couple of years. He explains he is trying but still struggling with everything. He worries he isn't good enough for the twins, for me, for the pack, for anyone. Like Mother said, he is having trouble wrapping his mind around being alive for hundreds of years and what that means for our future together. I hold his hand and let him get it all out. When he finishes, I pull him onto the bed with me and wrap my arms around him as far as they will go. He quietly cries and apologizes to me again until we both fall asleep.

After that day, we were practically inseparable. A couple weeks after Maya and Andreas’s second birthday party, I fully move back into the apartment and the four of us are a complete family.

A month after I move back into the apartment, I get back to the bakery part time to help Delilah and the team with the wedding season. I come home one day to find Bronx alone in the apartment. He tells me he had Diane take the babies for the afternoon so he and I could spend time together. He announces he made me dinner, and the menu is comprised of his signature fruit salad with a side of saltines. The first meal he ever made for me. When he comes out of the kitchen with my bowl, he gets down on one knee and asks me to take him back as my mate. I gladly accept him back. Three months later, we go through a formal ceremony to make our bond official again.

A few days after my twins were born, Bronx listened to what Milo and Reggie had to say about what I was actually doing while I was gone. They released Marco from the dungeons that day. From what I’m told, Bronx had to beg him not to leave the pack. To make up for how he treated Marco, Bronx was more than willing to let him go ona sabbatical as long as he wanted. They also agree that when he comes back, they will find a different position for him, one where he is not assigned to protect me.

During his sabbatical, Marco is a stay at home dad for his own twins. He comes to visit me often and tells me he and Bronx are working on fixing things between them. Bronx wants him to work on a special assignment because of the pack expanding so rapidly over the last couple of years, but typical Marco, he doesn’t like to talk much about himself. We mostly talk about the children and sometimes trade cooking tips. When I ask Bronx, he simply says he needed a protege and Marco was the best candidate for the job.

With Marco reassigned, Tyree and James become my guards, but at my insistence, on a much more relaxed schedule. One of them escorts me when I leave pack territory, but only if I'm not with Bronx. If the twins are with us, they both come with us to keep photographers at bay. It takes a while, but I convince them to start my training again. We begin slowly and find that I am not nearly as strong as I used to be. Lex is extremely frustrated at this development, but she tries her best to be patient, knowing we have centuries to practice and that she no longer needs to be a warrior.

The Manae are flourishing at Kardia tou Manae. They have created a strong community and are thriving with their newfound freedom. I check on them a couple times a month, but try to give them the space unless they specifically ask for my help. They also make it a habit to come see all the children and develop relationships with them instead of waiting until they have all their memories. We hope it will help the emotional aspect of things when they come of age and their memories come back to them.

Every year eases us into a more comfortable routine. While none of us will ever forget the traumatic past of this lifetime, we know we can overcome anything to be together. We honor and respect each other and listen to each other much more than we ever had before. Iam thankful to my Mother every day for giving me a choice to come back.