A Wish to Grab Happiness

Volume 6, Chapter 114: Supervision

「Saint… Matia…? Please, calm down… 」

“Calm down.” Matia moved her head unintentionally upon hearing the words that came out of Largud Ann’s mouth. It was the first time that someone told her to be calm.

Her body had never lacked calmness, until now.

“I am calm right now. My head is so cold that it almost froze.”

Matia blinked her eyes and opened her right hand, the one that she shattered the glass of a mirror. The wound hurt so much as if she had a fever. But, for Matia, that wound was the less of her concerns.

「I am calm, Ann. More importantly. Do you know when he left Garoua Maria?」

Matia felt a numb sensation from her right hand. Blood dripped from her hand to the floor. Matia did not know why she did what she did. Matia frowned as she breathed heavily. At the same time, she tried to keep her calm expression intact.

Ann pulled a fragment of glass out of Matia’s right hand. Then, she opened her mouth while wrapping a bandage around the wound.

「I don’t know the details. But, he probably left around the time the second star shined…Why did you do this to yourself, Saint Matia. It’s such an unreasonable thing to do.」

While hearing Ann’s words, Matia slowly engraved these words in her chest. Matia did not behaved like herself. Then, she asked herself. “Why did I do such a thing?”

Matia could not understand why her right hand moved the way it did.

However, Lugis left the office room late at night and he never returned. When she realized that this report was true, the mirror on her right side broke. In fact, Matia’s right hand crushed the mirror itself.

“Ah, I see, so that’s what happened.” Matia nodded when her rational thoughts finally reached her mind.

The pain bursting from her right hand was almost unnoticeable. Rather, something burning her spine was actually more excruciating.

Matia understood that this emotion was the reason why she moved her body unintentionally, and she destroyed the mirror as a result. She lost her calmness for a short moment.

This emotion was bearable somehow, but she could not endure it. It was an agonizing feeling that raised from her chest to her throat. Therefore, Matia used her body to tame this emotion, and forced her right hand to hold it down.

Of course, this was the first time for Matia. An emotion that forced her body to go on a rampage.

However, it couldn’t be helped. Yes, unavoidable.

「But, not much time has passed since he disappeared. It’s only dawn now. Maybe he’s just taking a break somewhere and fell asleep.」

「That’s not the case, Ann. Such optimism doesn’t apply here. A stray cat usually chooses a particular home for reasons only known to the cat. It never really ventures to the unknown because of hidden dangers. You know what I mean.」

Matia seized the end of Ann’s words, who just finished giving first aid. Well, Ann’s scenario was unlikely to have happened. Only the harsh truth remained.

「If he is no longer here, then it’s clear where he is heading. I can see it even with my eyes closed.」

After saying those words, Matia pointed to the map placed on the desk with her unscathed left hand.

Beyond her hand was the mercenary city of Belfein. Matia had yet to decide on how to deal with them.

Ann opened her eyes, as she looked at the map with Matia. So this venture was what Matia was taking about.

Putting Ann’s puzzling heart aside, Matia believed that Lugis headed for Belfein. This belief was undoubtedly a confirmed fact.

Matia realized something before reaching this conclusion. “There were many occasions when I saw it. He has a special temper. Yes, a temper that pushes himself into a predicament, even with his own hands. Moreover, he argued against the alliance with Belfein, and then he bothered himself to come here into my office to read books that he normally didn’t do.”

His actions were obvious. Matia cursed herself, and not Lugis.

“I should have expected this. Lugis was a human being who never listened to what other people said.”

“Even though Lugis was someone who acted recklessly, he slipped through the gates as if nothing had happened.”

“I did not know what kind of person he was anymore. He never listens to me, even if I explain with precise words. Even if I preach to him with reason, nothing would come out of it.”

“He was such a selfish person who never thought about his surroundings. What could I do, really? That was his way of life. His way of thinking. But I truly wanted to understand him.”

Matia was curious as to why the thoughts that spread through her brain were frighteningly calm and heated at the same time. Her body became so hot that her stomach created bubbles inside. She could clearly feel her blood flowing all over her body.

Matia inhaled a large amount of air at once. She breathed deeply as she narrowed her eyes. She then saw Ann staring at her anxiously. Matia tried to calm down without losing her posture.

Ann was clearly worried and Matia spoke with a resolute voice to dissipate Ann’s anxious feelings.

「Ann, I will give you one instruction. It is an order as the Supreme Commander of the Heraldic Order. I want you to give it your utmost priority.」

Matia wetted her lips to profess those words. Surprisingly, her words were smooth. However, Matia did not know if those words came from her calculating persona.

Ann nodded positively, while regaining her mysterious stance and usual expression. Ann was still a good aide for Matia. Even if she exposed herself to this kind of mischief, Ann would still follow her. Therefore, Ann was the only one capable of understanding the meaning of Matia’s words.

「Modify the strategy against Belfein. I want you to coordinate the meeting with the Belfein messenger now.」

For a moment, Ann’s eyes widened, and she became voiceless upon hearing Matia’s strong statement.

“Is this really the right decision? I wonder if I spoke in the spur of the moment.” Matia’s cold eyes sparkled with the light of intelligence, and she responded to Ann’s gaze as a speechless spokesperson. Seeing that, Ann realized the importance of her actions.

Ann nodded in response and jumped out of the room. There were many things to do. It was not just about coordinating with Belfein. It was also necessary to grasp the interests of Garoua Maria and negotiate with the peers. “Really, she will have a hard time. But, I will make sure to reward her later.”

Finally alone in the office room, Matia sighed as she looked up at the sky.

“…Okay, I understand Lugis. But, I know that you won’t manage it on your own.”

“I can no longer deal with you as a mere rampage horse. Sometimes, I don’t know if you’re doing the right thing. But, I do know something. I never forced you into Belfein, and yet, you went on your own accord to help us, your people. I do have that much understanding. Yet, I couldn’t stop you, Lugis. And I don’t know how to stop you now.”

“Thinking about it, Lugis always pushed my mind to the limits. First, the Garoua Maria’s reconquering battle, then the offensive and defensive tactics during the civil war in the Hanging Gardens of Ghazalia, and now this.”

“I do understand now. Lugis is someone who doesn’t need reason, status, or honor.”

“All he needed was a way to manage his survival.” Matia took a deep breath. It couldn’t be helped though. Matia’s eyes were somehow relaxed and ferocious at the same time. The color of her eyes had such a big exaggeration that made them no longer the eyes of a saint.

“He needed someone to fix him. Not Caria Burdnick. She just accelerated Lugis’ momentum. Neither Filaret La Volgograd. She just encouraged Lugis’ reckless behavior.”

“He needed proper supervision. Someone who could lead him to the right and good. Someone to make him act under reason. He needed someone to control everything in his life.”

Matia convinced herself. He was no longer just someone to keep an eye on. Matia knew that his influence was also great within the Heraldic religion and its people. She knew that she couldn’t forget him nor forsake him just because he suddenly disappeared.

“I see. That’s why my emotions have been so unstable lately.”

Matia finally found an explanation to her noisy emotions. The emotions she had to endure because of Lugis. She even remembered apologizing to Lugis before. But, she didn’t notice this irregularity before. That’s why she had such painful feelings that almost drove her crazy.

Matia knew that Lugis wouldn’t manage alone.

“Ahh, really. It can’t be helped. I’ll have to step forward.”

The Saint. Right now, her eyes were unusually calm and compassionate.

“But what should I do about the smile on my cheeks?” Her expression was unmistakably beautiful now. Nonetheless, this beauty feature was not from a saint that calculated everything beforehand. Rather, it was a beauty feature from a human whose smile was magical.