After Our Divorce, I Still Wore Your Jacket

Chapter 51

He had never thought about separating. Why would they separate? How could it be possible that they would separate?

The friends around them went through on and off relationships. Additionally, there were plenty of people in the entertainment industry who got divorced. However, Fang Shaoyi and Yuan Ye had always been two parts of a whole. In the beginning, nobody believed that the two of them would last. Eventually, none of their closest friends suspected their love for each other anymore. They were definitely going to stay together for a long time: anybody else could get divorced, but these two wouldn’t.

However, there truly was a problem between them. And this problem had existed for a long time.

In appearance, everything had started after the matter with the film crew. Things had begun changing following that incident. No matter how hard the two of them worked, they couldn’t return things to how they had been. They had clearly already straightened everything out and were no longer hung up over that incident, but still, life couldn’t go back to normal.

Yuan Ye had said that he wanted to find himself, but what was a “self”? Where could one find a “self”? Ten years of marriage had long since caused him to become accustomed to this way of living – scheduling everything around Fang Shaoyi’s schedule, thinking about things from Fang Shaoyi’s perspective first before anything else. All these years, he hadn’t found anything wrong with this lifestyle. Especially in recent years. Most of the time, Yuan Ye couldn’t even remember that he was “Yuan Ye” anymore. His first identity was Fang Shaoyi’s lover. Only after that was he himself. From blurting things out to considering if something could be said or not, many of his thoughts and opinions that he wanted to share simply ended up staying in his head.

The things in his heart and on his mind ended up flowing into his pen. His literary works started becoming sharper and more realistic, but were no longer as straightforward as before. His words were like a sword that stabbed in whatever direction they pointed at. Yet, there was always something covering the target. Previously, his writing had been down to earth – some people said that he was romance personified by the culmination of spiritual energy in the mountains. Later on, this romanticness became weaker and weaker. This was probably related to his age. Past the age of thirty, people’s ways of thinking changed too.

But ultimately, this change was wrong. Additionally, the way they had been interacting all this time was unhealthy as well. After two people became split into two separate entities, no longer tied together, these thoughts became more and more common, more and more prevalent.

Feng Leizi called Yuan Ye at almost every opportunity. The film industry had a severe lack of screenwriters: there were never enough experienced screenwriters to go around. However, there were too many low-level screenwriters. The disconnect was quite malformed. Yuan Ye was like a sizzling piece of meat placed on a plate. Literary coordinators all kept a close eye on him. Using his personal friendship with Yuan Ye, Feng Leizi always wanted to get him to join his own projects.

“Ye di, help a desperate friend out.” Feng Leizi chattered on through the phone, “My boss wants me to find someone. After listening to all the requirements he listed, I thought, fuck, isn’t that my Ye di?”

Yuan Ye laughed while cussing him out. Then, he said, “I can’t write the story your boss wants. He’s too troublesome.”

“How can you get something good without going through trouble?” Feng Leizi was a bit panicked. He lowered his voice and said, “It’s《Fire》, little bro. We won the fight for the copyright license with three other directors.Given the storyline, it’ll definitely win something.”

“Then why aren’t you writing it yourself?” Yuan Ye scoffed. He exposed the other’s thoughts, “The better the story is, the easier it is for the screenwriter to get blamed if the movie doesn’t win an award.”

“I can’t write it!” Feng Leizi started being shameless, “Ye di, Ye ge, Uncle Ye! Help me out, okay? Are you going to help me? If I can’t find someone soon, I won’t need to keep working either.”

Feng Leizi’s boss was Lin Feng, a director of melodramas. He had received innumerous foreign awards, but wasn’t too popular domestically. His movies never sold too many tickets. However, that wasn’t his goal anyways. His goal was to pursue good stories. He didn’t care too much about the domestic market. If Yuan Ye accepted this job, that would basically mean he was going to be tied to this story. Lin Feng was famous for being absurdly detail-oriented. Yuan Ye would never be able to leave. At minimum, he would be gone for six months to a year. It was also possible that he would need to leave for two to three years.

In the time after, Fang Shaoyi went to Europe alone. Yuan Ye didn’t go with him. He only stayed with the other for one week in the very beginning before coming back.

With the time difference and differences between their work and break schedules, sometimes, the two of them went several days without managing a call with each other. When they did manage to both be present to pick up the phone, they talked about their own matters for a few minutes. They were still intimate. When Yuan Ye had time, he would fly over to visit the film set and stay for a few days before returning. This was a bit troublesome. It also caused his schedule to be packed tight, but seeing Fang Shaoyi was worth it.

Even so, though, their relationship wasn’t able to return to the way it had been before. It always felt like something was missing.

In the middle of this period of time, Fang Shaoyi sent Yuan Ye the proposal plan for a variety show and asked him if he wanted to attend or not. Yuan Ye spent two days looking over it. The two of them never participated in these things. Yuan Ye hated them and Fang Shaoyi disliked them too. But this time, Fang Shaoyi had sent him the plan. It was for a dating and vacation variety show. They would visit several places and use the show as an opportunity to go on multiple dates.

Strangely, both of them signed the contract.

The faked naturalness and pretentious calm presented by both parties were, at the end of the day, only illusions of peace. Even the slightest issue was capable of ruining this tacit harmony.

Because of a situation concerning the other actors, there was about a ten day break in Fang Shaoyi’s scenes. There were two meetings that Yuan Ye needed to attend. After, unless something unexpected came up, he would be able to fly over for a few days. They had decided on this plan of action previously. It had been almost two months since they had last seen each other, making it impossible for them not to miss each other.

Yuan Ye sent Fang Shaoyi a message: Wait for me, baobei’er. I’m going to see you.

Fang Shaoyi didn’t reply to this message. Yuan Ye put his phone away after sending it, then changed and left to eat dinner with someone. There was some business that needed to be discussed over the dinner table. By the time he finished, it was already nine at night. He had just returned too. Previously, he had been staying in a different city and hadn’t paid attention to the temperature change. He was wearing too little.

Yuan Ye instantly realized that something was off when he opened the door. He saw Fang Shaoyi’s shoes. Yuan Ye immediately looked up and noticed the jacket resting on the couch.

Amusement quickly filled Yuan Ye’s eyes. A small surprise from his lover. This was very useful against him.

But shortly after, he furrowed his brows.

Yuan Ye walked upstairs. The bedroom door wasn’t closed. The light was on too. Fang Shaoyi had his eyes closed and was lying there, asleep. His face was as pale as a piece of paper. Yuan Ye softly padded over and placed one knee on the bed. He leaned over to test the other’s body temperature, forehead pressed against his forehead.

It was slightly warm. Yuan Ye sighed to himself, but didn’t get up. Fang Shaoyi suddenly reached out and held his head in place. He pressed a kiss against Yuan Ye’s lips.

Yuan Ye softly asked him, “Not asleep yet?”

Fang Shaoyi made a noise of acknowledgment. He sounded very nasally and hadn’t let go yet. He maintained the same posture and continued to keep Yuan Ye still. While pressed against the other’s lips, Fang Shaoyi said, “Waiting for you.”

His breathing was very harsh. His voice was very hoarse. Yuan Ye closed his eyes; when he opened them again, they were red.

Fang Shaoyi’s return had been a spontaneous decision. He hadn’t taken any medicine beforehand. Also, the return flight was travelling back in time. This was practically enough to kill him. Yuan Ye asked, “Why didn’t you wait for me to go to you......”

“I couldn’t wait anymore.” Fang Shaoyi chuckled. He softly said, “I couldn’t wait two more days.”

This was sweet talk. Sweet talk was naturally touching, but it was never the truth. Yuan Ye understood him so well. The truth was that Fang Shaoyi was worried that Yuan Ye would get too tired, worried that he kept having to make the time to fly to Europe, worried that this relationship could only rely on the sacrifices of one party to heal.

At the time, Yuan Ye sprawled out next to Fang Shaoyi and wrapped his arms around the other. He buried his face against Fang Shaoyi’s collarbones, quietly embracing him for a long time. Fang Shaoyi was always so warm. This warmth was dry and comforting. It caused one to become submerged and infatuated.

Fang Shaoyi had flown back. Removing the days needed for Fang Shaoyi to recover from jet lag, there wasn’t much time left in the ten day break.

Yuan Ye watched as Fang Shaoyi suffered in discomfort. He only had a mouth to speak with, but after several attempts, couldn’t figure out what to say. If this were in the past, Yuan Ye probably would’ve gotten angry and felt pained while scolding Fang Shaoyi. You had nothing better to do? It’s only ten days. What are you messing around for? All you had to do was wait for me. Don’t you know that you can’t get over jet lag?

But right now, Yuan Ye couldn’t get any words out of his mouth. His emotions were in too much of a mess. They were all squeezed together. Yuan Ye was an author, yet he couldn’t find the right words to describe his feelings at this moment.

When was the day that they had started needing to interact like this? Looking back at things now, everything seemed a bit like a failure. The harder they tried, the greater the defeat felt.

One morning, Yuan Ye finished making breakfast as Fang Shaoyi walked down from upstairs. He poured out a cup of water and took a sip. Yuan Ye smiled at him.

Fang Shaoyi actually couldn’t stomach much, but in order to help Yuan Ye rest at ease, he still forced some porridge down. He still looked a bit pale, meaning that he hadn’t fully recovered. Yuan Ye stared at his dry and unnaturally colored lips and suddenly blurted out, “Yi ge, are you tired?”

Fang Shaoyi gazed at him and asked, “What do you mean, tired?”

“Being with me.” Yuan Ye lowered his head. A while later, he added, “I feel like you’re exhausted right now.”

Fang Shaoyi set down the things in his hand. His fingers gently brushed against each other. He asked, “You’re tired?”

Yuan Ye didn’t say anything. He only shook his head.

“We......” Yuan Ye started. He didn’t know how to continue. What was wrong with them? Actually, nothing much. But why did things feel so uncomfortable? They had already said what needed to be said long ago. Even if they had another conversation, it would only be about the things they had already discussed in the past.

Two thirty-something men had turned their problemless relationship into a mess. Thinking back, they couldn’t even remember the reason. This was too hilarious.

Fang Shaoyi was expressionless, but his gaze was heavy. He stared at Yuan Ye. After, he asked the other, “What do you want to say?”

Yuan Ye looked up at him. He didn’t continue speaking. He had already said all that could be said.

“What do you want?” Fang Shaoyi asked him again. His voice was low and deep. “If you want something, just tell me.”

Yuan Ye sighed again. He rubbed his head and even kind of wanted to laugh. He innocently said, “I don’t want anything. What could I want?”

After saying this, he really did laugh. He reached out and stroked Fang Shaoyi’s hand. He shook his head and said, “Nevermind, let’s not talk about this anymore. I just want you to be okay. Don’t be unhappy.”

Fang Shaoyi grabbed Yuan Ye’s hand too. His fingers squeezed the other’s ring.

Yuan Ye smiled at him.