Card Apprentice Daily Log

Chapter 48: Identity

Date 21 Mar 2321

Time 16:05

Location Sky Blossom City, Fine Gold Resort, Hot Springs Bathhouse no.02

“Jaya I like you! I liked you ever since I laid my eyes on you in the training hall. “

…

I thought I was over my past and had come to terms with my present but it seems I was just overwhelmed with the joy of my rebirth.

I did not die no matter how many times the world powers conspired against me. Even though they could kill my mortal body, they still could not put an end to my soul. 

I was delighted I got a second chance and was optimistic about this new life. I thought to myself that I would not repeat the same mistakes I did in my previous life. 

But it seems those mistakes are not just mistakes but my nature. Just like how the Scorpion cannot stop stinging even though it is not in its interest as that is its nature.

In my last life, I could decide the lives of millions of people and overthrow a regime with a word. World leaders feared me and trembled in my presence. 

That was too much power for an ignorant mortal to hold, like all the tyrants before me I was also corrupted by the power I hold. 

People’s life and dignity meant nothing to me, if I chose to save one then the others would die. 

I could not look at the world with morals or have humanity. I had to be impartial and choose which was the best for the entire humanity. 

Finally, the means stopped mattering to me and the results of my choice started to define my means. 

All that mattered to me was to keep the majority satisfied and hell with the minority. 

I would be lying if I said compassion never bothered me, sometimes tears roll out of my eyes without my knowledge but I never had time to acknowledge or wipe them 

Somebody had to make these choices, I never stopped to ask why does it have to be me the one to make these choices. 

I guess I just enjoyed the feeling of playing God. 

In the final movements of my last life, the horrible mistakes I had committed flashed before my eyes but I did not regret it cause my regret could not change anything it would just demean the sacrifice of those who believed in me and my dream. 

I just came to terms with them since I no longer had to shoulder the burden of entire humanity on my shoulder. 

But since I got a second chance I thought in this life I would lay back and just enjoy life as a new person.

I tried very hard to change but it seems I was meant to fail from the beginning as I never tried to change myself for real I just acted as if I cared and it turns out I am not a good actor. 

From a world leader, I was reduced to an orphan punk. I knew my identity was no longer what it was in my past life but it seems my ego had not received the update. 

It was cashing the check which my current identity could not cash. With the identity of street punk, I embodied the ego of a world leader which did not go hand in hand. 

My ego expected to be worshipped but my current identity was only good for being looked down on. 

As a repercussion, I would get triggered at every small little thing. 

Even though I trust Susan now, at our first meeting I was very rude to her even though she was just trying her best to help me. 

Again with Martha no she deserves it she called me shorty. 

And those students in my class, I almost crushed their windpipes over a little dispute.

Come to think of it I beat those bullies and the delinquents after them not to get revenge for young Wyatt but because I liked the feeling of holding power in my hand once again. 

I was no righteous soul, I bullied the weak and feared the strong. That was clear as I let Bright brothers who tried to ambush me walk just because they were stronger than me. 

I tried to comfort myself saying I was being smart but the truth was I just bullied the weak and feared the strong. 

Right now I am going to do the same, 

Even though this las Jaya has been looking down on me ever since the training hall and called me a creep, I had to suppress my ego and act accordingly to my identity. 

If it was my last life I would have executed her for disrespecting me and as a show of power. even in this life if it was Martha or someone else I would have shown them their place but right now I had to understand my place if I wanted to survive. 

I had to get on Jaya’s good side if I wanted to walk out of this place in one piece. One word from her and I would no longer exist in reality and government records. 

One would think Jaya is a normal diligent teenager then you would be underestimating what she was capable of, as the lone heiress to Fine Gold Empire she has been taught to be ruthless and calculating.

According to what she was taught disrespecting her meant disrespecting the entire Fine Gold group and what it stood for. so there is no way I was walking out of here unharmed.

She was tolerating me since I had something she wanted desperately. I could milk her using it as leverage but she would not forget the disrespect and disputes I had with her. 

Once she got what she wanted my remains will be floating in some unknown city gutters. So I had to, believe me, if there was any other way I would but she is too smart for that this was the only way. 

All teenage girls are hopeless romantics. 

I had to make Jaya believe that all my actions earlier were to gain her attention and I was nothing but a loser who admired her very much. Hoping that she would not be heartless enough to kill her first admirer just because he tried to gain her attention in a crude way.

Even though Jaya is the heiress to the Fine Gold Group she still is a teenage girl with no experience in love. I could only try this,  

“Jaya I like you! I liked you ever since I laid my eyes on you in the training hall. “