Conquering His Cold Heart

351 Dangerous Thought

“My Queen!”

Martha grabbed Anastasia by her shoulders and pulled her out of the water, just enough to make her breathe properly.

Anastasia instantly gasped for air after being forcefully pulled by Martha. It finally sank into her mind that she was about to lose consciousness, if not her life just now. Her heart was beating really fast once the fear settled in.

However, at the same time, she also couldn’t quite forget the tranquility that she had felt just moments ago.

“My Queen! Why would you…? Why…?” Martha began crying after splatting down on the floor beside the bathtub.

She was shaking like a leaf. She was terrified thinking that she was about to put the Queen’s life at risk. And this was the second time she had done this.

She quickly changed her position and knelt before the Queen while bowing her head low. And she asked for forgiveness even though it wasn’t really her fault this time. “Please forgive me, Your Majesty. I should have helped you up in time. Because of me… you almost…”

Anastasia sighed, instantly feeling bad for putting poor Martha in that awkward situation. “Don’t apologize. I’m fine.”

And as if what just happened wasn’t a big deal at all, she pushed herself back so that her back was resting against the wall of the tub. She cupped a handful of water with her palm and then splashed it on her face.

.....

“Help me, will you?” Anastasia asked while gently rubbing her arms and shoulders.

Martha slightly lifted her head and looked at the Queen. She wasn’t really able to tell what the Queen was thinking by putting her life at risk like that. And she wasn’t sure if it was okay to just let the matter slide.

She really wished that Tilla hadn’t injured herself like that. ‘If it was her, maybe the Queen wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place. And… I am not even that close with the Queen to know if something is bothering her greatly.’

When Martha didn’t pass the soap and help her with her bath, Anastasia looked at Martha and asked while slightly raising her brows, “Is something wrong? Come on. Help me clean up.”

Martha reluctantly gave a bow to the Queen and finally got up to grab the soap. She went and stood behind the Queen and then bent down to rub the soap on the Queen’s smooth and pale body.

As soon as she laid her eyes on the Queen’s back though, she was a bit surprised. Her body didn’t look as smooth as before. She narrowed her eyes and moved even closer to take a good look.

‘What are these red spots doing here?’ she thought to herself and rubbed her palm on the Queen’s bare back to see if she could remove them. When she couldn’t do that, she began rubbing the soap thinking that she must have never noticed them before.

After helping the Queen bathe and change into fresh clothes, Martha helped the Queen to dry her hair and makeup.

Both of them didn’t utter a single word to the other.

When Martha was about to go back to the bathroom to put everything back in order, Anastasia suddenly spoke to her.

“Martha, umm…” Anastasia hesitated for a moment. However, she cleared her throat and asked even though she visibly looked uncomfortable, “Do you… Do you know how to make some kind of tonics or tea or whatever to umm… so that I won’t conceive a child?”

Martha fully turned to face the Queen with a stunned look in her eyes. She couldn’t immediately give an answer to the Queen’s question because a lot of things were going on in her head.

The first thing that she suspected was that the King might have forced himself on the Queen, which is why she was trying to drown herself in the tub earlier. Although the King and the Queen had an image of a loving couple, Martha wondered, ‘Is the Queen being treated badly in private?’

“Martha?” Anastasia gave an inquisitive look to her maid-in-waiting.

Martha stiffened her hands and although her mind told her not to poke her nose unnecessarily, her heart didn’t allow her to be indifferent. She dared to ask, “Are you unhappy with the King? Did he… Did he do something nasty to you? Did he hurt you?”

Anastasia gave a wry smile. Her eyes instantly glistened with tears as she guiltily shook her head. “No!” she wanted to exclaim, but only a soft whisper came out of her mouth.

She gulped and gave a clarification to Martha so as not to tarnish Caspian’s reputation, “He treats me better than how I deserve to be treated. It’s me…” She looked down and whispered in a broken voice, “It’s me who is going to hurt him.”

Martha didn’t know why the Queen was saying the last sentence, but she was relieved to see the sincerity in the Queen’s eyes when she said that she was being treated well.

The maid sighed in relief. That was all she needed to know to ease that discomfort in her heart.

She took a deep breath and asked one more thing. “Then why are you asking for that particular medicine?” As it was the Queen’s duty to give an heir to the throne, Martha didn’t understand why Anastasia didn’t want that.

‘It doesn’t look like she hates the King or was violated by him. So why?’ Martha wondered.

Anastasia didn’t have an answer that she could give to Martha. She thought for a while and then mumbled, “I… I don’t want to have kids right away. I need some more time to think about it.”

Martha pursed her lips and nodded. She didn’t wish to pry more into the matter and make the Queen feel more uncomfortable by asking about private matters to her.

So, she respectfully bowed her head and finally answered the Queen’s question. “I know a few herbs that can prevent pregnancy. But I don’t think those herbs would be available here in the castle. I would have to ask someone to fetch it for me from the Silver Keep.”

Anastasia gave a nod and ordered, “Then ask Percy to fetch it right away.”

Martha lifted her head and was about to turn towards the door when Anastasia raised her hand and warned Martha.

“But don’t tell the purpose of those herbs to Percy. Just say that it’s for my health.” Anastasia looked down at her clutched fists and said, “I don’t want to make a fuss about it.”

“Understood.” Martha bowed and immediately headed out of the room.

Anastasia heaved a deep sigh and turned to look at the mirror. All she could see was a sad woman who bore the curse.

Now that she was alone, her mind began to wander again. She was thinking of asking Martha to light the fire in the fireplace after she returned to the chambers. But after pondering for a while more, she came up with an idea to prevent Caspian from going berserk after her untimely death.

She dug her nails into her palms and thought, ‘I think I should make him believe that I never truly loved him. I should make him feel repulsed at my thought. That way he won’t remember me or grieve for me.’

She pulled the drawer where she was keeping her diary and that letter. She took the letter out of the diary and whispered to herself, ‘I think I should let him find this. And as for my diary… I should burn it to a crisp.’

As much as it hurt her to think this way, she decided to go through with it.