Cultivation Chat Group (Web Novel)

F*ck!

In fact, when he saw the ‘Please skip to Step 9’, Song Shuhang already had a bad hunch in his heart, and readied himself for the prank that Slow-Witted Song was likely to have prepared.

However, when he really did see step 9, he still couldn’t stop himself from having a few of his nerves burst, while a burning desire to throw the scroll away welled up inside him.

His psychological preparation and his iron-like will all turned into ashes that then got blown away by the wind when he saw that sentence.

At this time, there was only one thing that filled his mind—to catch Slow-Witted Song and tear him apart.

If he ever had the chance of becoming an Immortal one day, he was definitely going to pull Slow-Witted Song out from wherever he was hiding, and then put him together with Senior Thrice Reckless so that he could let him experience another person’s recklessness.

No, I can’t do that.

If I put Slow-Witted Song and Senior Thrice Reckless together, they might just end up destroying the world.

So… I should probably just leave him at a concert of Senior Creation, and have him listen to Dharma King Creation’s singing every day.

It would be even better if he could get Dharma King Creation to create a background music track for Slow-Witted Song, and then set that track to play as Slow-Witted Song’s alarm so that he would be woken up by Dharma King Creation’s singing every morning.

“Take a deep breath, calm down,” Song Shuhang whispered to himself as he opened the scroll once again.

The sea turtle on the side looked at Song Shuhang with sympathetic eyes.

Song Shuhang then continued to read the scroll.

[Step 4: Empty.]

[Step 5: Still empty.]

[Step 6: Empty again. Leaving enough free space to prevent any accidents.]

[Step 7: If you had come back from reading Step 9, and have completed Steps 1, 2, and 3… Then, congratulations, you have achieved the realm of ‘A chest as if a valley filled with ink, a belly filled with flowery poems’. You should go to the scholarly faction, and the ❮Thirty-Three Divine Beasts’ Technique❯ is not for you.]

Song Shuhang: “…”

[Step 8: Since you’ve already gotten to this step, is it that you really want to beat me up? Come and beat me up, let’s fight each other! I’d really like to see you come and beat me up, just keep in mind not to hit my face.]

Song Shuhang quickly skimmed through the text.

However, even if it was a mere glance, with the powerful eyesight and memory of a cultivator, the content above was still firmly imprinted in Song Shuhang’s mind.

The corners of Song Shuhang’s mouth twitched unceasingly—for Slow-Witted Song to have been able to survive ever since the ancient era up until now without being beaten to death, his luck was definitely not that much weaker than Senior White’s.

Otherwise, he definitely would have been long beaten to death due to his recklessness.

At least Senior Thrice Reckless had a bottom line… He would be reckless no more than thrice… although he did exceed that number a few times.

However, Slow-Witted Song had no bottom line at all.

At this time, the Great Northern Emperor suddenly said, “Start at step 44. Slow-Witted Song claimed that the number of times that one seeks death in a day should be limited to 44. The 45th step should be genuine content.”

Song Shuhang said, “Great Emperor, you should have told me this earlier.”

The Great Emperor wiped the corners of his mouth gracefully. “I had to translate and write down the contents of the scroll word per word. During this process, the impulse to go and beat up Slow-Witted Song arose in me 24 times. I hope that little friend Song Shuhang can understand me.”

The sea turtle said, “It’s better to enjoy things together rather than alone.”

Song Shuhang: “…”

At the prompt of the Great Emperor, Song Shuhang directly skipped to step 45.

At the same time, he said, “Great Emperor, just wait until I master a powerful technique. When I do, let’s go and grab Slow-Witted Song to have a good chat with him.”

“The number of daoists of the ancient Heavenly City who said that to me are in the three-digits.” The Great Northern Emperor smiled slightly, and said, “However, among all of those daoists, the number who finally got what they wished for did not even reach two digits. His title as the ‘most skilled at escaping’ was truly fitting for him.”

Song Shuhang raised his head and silently looked at the sky.

❄️❄️❄️

[Step 45: Congratulations, if you still haven’t torn the scroll at this point, Fellow Daoist, your will is truly something to be admired. Only cultivators whose will is as strong as iron are qualified to obtain the treasure and enjoy the fruits of victory. What follows is the main topic—if you have obtained the secret book passed down from generation to generation in the ‘All the Monsters of the World Should Unite and Become a Family’ organization, and have found the secret text of the ❮Thirty-Three Divine Beasts’ Technique❯, then you’re already one-third of the way to success.

Now, with you having acquired this decoding scroll and lasting all the way to the 45th step, you’re already two-thirds the way there.

In the end, you still lack one thing, and that one thing is the ‘auxiliary book’ that’s required for the decoding. The method of decoding the secret text is recorded on this decoding scroll. During the interpretation process, you need to translate the ‘secret text’ sentence by sentence according to the contents in the ‘auxiliary book’.

This auxiliary book is widely circulated in various worlds all over the universe that aren’t dominated by human beings. In those worlds, there is a mysterious human organization. That’s right, it’s called ‘All the Humans of the World Should Unite and Become a Family’. You need to go to this mysterious human organization and get their secret book, the one that they pass down is the ‘auxiliary book’. As for how to comprehend the contents of the ‘auxiliary book’, that depends on your own interpretation.

Next, please see the 46th step, which describes the detailed ‘decoding technique’.]

Song Shuhang saw this and raised his head to look at the sky once again.

He’d always felt that Slow-Witted Song had designed a treasure hunting game. He divided the treasure into three parts and gave some clues. After that, he hid in the dark and entertained himself by watching others busily searching for the treasure.

After sighing, he continued reading while keeping in mind the ‘decoding technique’ described in step 46.

After the 46th step, the 47th step followed.

[Step 47: In fact, I still have a ‘secret sect’ somewhere in the main world. They have the complete inheritance of the Divine Beast Department. You had to work hard to find these three clues from all over the universe and then collect the full version of the ❮Thirty-Three Divine Beasts’ Technique❯, but there is also a complete version of the cultivation technique in the ‘secret sect’. How about it, isn’t this exciting news? Are you spitting out blood yet?]

Song Shuhang sighed.

Unfortunately, the heritage of the ‘Thirty-Three Divine Beasts’ Sect’ had been ruined. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have had to go all over the universe to collect the ‘hidden’ inheritance of the Divine Beast Department.

[Step 48: Since you insist on checking this step, then I shall tell you about another thing. The ❮Thirty-Three Divine Beasts’ Technique❯ that you’ve worked hard to decode and read is the old version 1.9 of the cultivation technique. There are many imperfections in this version, and the guys in the Divine Beast Department have already replaced it with the latest version, ❮Thirty-Three Divine Beasts’ Technique❯ 2.0. How about that? Is that not just exciting?]

Song Shuhang: “…”

I have 10,000 ‘f*ck you’ here, and I’d like to fuse them into a ‘big f*ck you’ and give them to you.

[Step 49: For this step, let me just gather everything together.]

[Step 50: However, you don’t have to worry, the version 1.9 of ❮Thirty-Three Divine Beasts’ Technique❯ can still be upgraded to version 2.0. As long as you can find the ‘cultivation technique upgrade package’, and upgrade it according to the content of the package, you won’t be compromising your foundation or your realm. Moreover, it will not have any aftereffect. The ‘cultivation technique upgrade package’ is definitely worth having. Do you want an upgrade? Do you want to get the latest version of the ❮Thirty-Three Divine Beasts’ Technique❯? If you do, then the upgrade package is the one for you. The upgrade package can be found in… the dirtiest place of the Divine Beast Department. That place is very sturdy, as long as you have the heart, you can definitely find it.]

The long ‘decoding scroll’ finally ended.

Song Shuhang: “…”

The dirtiest place of the Divine Beast Department was surely the palace-like ‘septic tank’ that the Daozi had given him. It was just that when he used the secret appraisal technique to appraise the palace, there was no ‘upgrade package’ in the details of the appraisal.

Song Shuhang pondered.

The sea turtle asked, “You’re done reading?”

Song Shuhang nodded.

The sea turtle thoughtfully said, “Do you want to vent? There is a practice room on the right side of the Palace of Winter. You can go there to kick the practice stone a bit to vent your anger.”

Song Shuhang said, “No, thank you, Senior Turtle. I’m fine. My will can still handle it.”

He had once become an onion planted on the top of a mountain and stayed alone for hundreds of years. Such an event had caused his heart and will to become very firm and strong.

The sea turtle said, “You don’t have to keep it in, you can just go vent it. If you just keep it within you, I’m afraid that you won’t be able to stop thinking about it.”

Song Shuhang replied, “Relax, Senior Turtle. I’m really fine.”

After saying that, he took out the secret book of the ‘All the Humans of the World Should Unite and Become a Family’ that he had copied down.

Song Shuhang said, “The auxiliary book of the decoding scroll is hidden in this text. As long as I can get the auxiliary book, I can directly translate the full version of ❮Thirty-Three Divine Beasts’ Technique❯.”

The sea turtle asked, “How are you going to read it?”

Song Shuhang gravely said, “According to the information I got the ❮300 Ways for a Human to Live a Better Life in the Beast Realm❯ needs to be practiced together with the ❮World-Destroying Divine Beast Technique❯ of the Human Alliance in order for it to be understood.”

The sea turtle asked, “Then, are you going to try it out?”

Song Shuhang shook his head, and replied, “I don’t know the ❮World-Destroying Divine Beast Technique❯.”

The sea turtle said, “Can’t you just go back to the Black Horse Branch and get someone else to try it?”

Song Shuhang answered, “I already tried… I got Great Master Turtle to try it out in the Black Horse Branch. At that time, he was using the ❮World-Destroying Divine Beast Technique❯ while using the secret book of the Human Alliance right in front of me, and nothing out of the ordinary happened.”

Great Master Turtle was unable to get the ‘auxiliary book’.

So, which part of the sequence was wrong?

At this time, the Great Northern Emperor on the screen said, “I’m going to eat.”

Song Shuhang said, “Take care, Senior Beifang.”

The Great Northern Emperor said, “I’ll go offline right as I start eating. By the way, what’s so special about the ❮World-Destroying Divine Beast Technique❯?”

Song Shuhang said, “What’s special about it? Right, this technique seems to allow practitioners to act as ‘spirit beasts’ when used together with the ❮Thirty-Three Divine Beasts’ Technique❯ for practice.”

The Great Northern Emperor waved his hand, and said, “You might as well try it again. Well, I can’t talk for any longer, I’m going to have my meal now. See you later.”

After saying that, the Great Northern Emperor disappeared from the screen.