Down the Rabbit Hole (Stuck On You)

Chapter 38: Unknown Heart The next day, Luca tookto go see Hayden. I loved and hated seeing him at the stime; it madehappy being around him, but at the stime, it madesad that he wasn't awake. I watched the dance rehearsals and even danced a little before Luca tookback to his house. Jason and I watched a movie while Luca cooked dinner. Luca cooked all food I ate for a week straight. I think it was to make sure that I was eating, but I wasn't complaining; Luca made amazing food. I'd gained my weight back and actually started looking out for the baby. If this was the last thing that Hayden would ever give me, I would cherish it always. I owed him that much. My dad stayed withuntil I was stable, which Luca attributed a lot to. After my dad left, I was surprisingly fine. Luca kepttoo busy to think about anything else. Jason was there fortoo, but not as much as Luca. It was like he made it a point to be aroundat all times. I didn't mind it; I liked the company.

Hayden had been in a coma for four months withvisiting him almost every day. It did get easier. I'd accepted the fact that Hayden wasn't waking up anytsoon. I'd also accepted the fact that I was six months pregnant. Luca would taketo my doctor's appointments withwhich helped a lot. It keptfrom feeling so vulnerable and lonely. I went all that twithout celebrating any birthdays or holidays. I watched as everyone else moved on with their lives. I couldn't. I'd decided to keep the baby, but I hadn't told anyone yet. My dad kept up the payments for the apartment and I quit my job. I was going to keep the apartment exactly the way it was. All of my clothes were at Luca's house, but I was saving the apartment for whenever Hayden woke up. I wasn't going to touch a thing. I wanted everything to be exactly as he left it when he got home... if he got home.

I'd cback from a walk and closed the door behind me. I didn't see Luca or Jason anywhere so I went looking for them. I'd entered the living room just in tto see Jason and Luca trail off to Luca's room. I couldn't help myself. Once the door closed, I tip toed over to the door and pressed my ear against it.

"You can't do this to him. Hitting on his girlfriend, his pregnant girlfriend while he's in a coma? Con man, from the first tHayden saw her; he was in love with her. He loves her. And your plan is to, what, derail her?" I heard Jason say.

"No! Look, I'm aware of all of that, but what if Hayden doesn't wake up? Then Jo will be alone; really alone. And pushing all of her friends away the way that she is, she won't be able to handle it. I'm just going to be here for her, no matter what she decides. I just want to keep her from spiraling," Luca argued. Jason sighed as he took a beat.

"This is low, Luca," Jason said. "You like her... I would even go as far to say that you love her," Jason said. Luca didn't say anything.

"I can't help that," he said softly. I'd heard enough. I tip-toed away and up the stairs to my room. I sat criss-cross on the bed and subconsciously rubbed my hand over my stomach. I had a nice baby bump going. At seven months, I thought I would show a little more. There was a knock on my door.

"Cin," I said. It was Luca. He smiled atsoftly.

"Hey, we didn't hear you cin. How was your walk?" he asked. I shrugged and avoided his eyes.

"Fine, I guess. I'm just really restless right now," I answered honestly. I couldn't help their recent conversation ringing through my head. Luca liked me... loved me. I didn't know how I felt about that.

"Dinner will be ready in a little bit," he said, before he sat on the bed next to me. I nodded and looked at my bump.

"Hayden's going to miss the birth of his daughter," I said in a whisper. It was more of a realization than talking to Luca. He put his hand over mine.

"Everyone else will be here for you," he said, trying to comfort me. I finally looked at him.

"You mean you?" I said. He hesitated.

"Of course, I'll be here for you too," he tried to cover. I sighed and stood up.

"I heard you talking to Jason," I admitted quietly. I covered my stomach with my arms and looked at him as I waited.

"What do you mean?" he asked. I sighed and looked at my feet... well, attempted to look at my feet.

"I know how you really feel about me," I explained.

"And?" he asked. "I can't help the way I feel... but I haven't acted on my feelings," he said. He was right. I looked at him confused. I had to know.

"Why?" I asked in a whisper. He stood and walked until he was standing directly in front of me. "Because if I do, you'll feel guilty... you won't talk toagain, and I don't want that," he explained. I knew that he was right, but in this moment, I was lonely. And I was tired of waiting on something that might never happen. I wanted him to kiss me. "Hayden's been in a comma for five months. I am seven months pregnant. Hayden is your best friend... and I'm his girlfriend; whether he's in a comma or not. You know that... and I know that," I said out loud mostly to put my brain back on track. "And Luca, I'm keeping the baby. This little girl is the last thing that Hayden ever gave me... I'm keeping her," I added. Luca nodded.

"I know. I figured you would a long tago," he said softly. He took a step away fromI'm going to go fix you a plate," he said, dismissing himself. I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding. This was not good. I ran a hand over my face.

"Ow," I said as I felt a push against the inside of my stomach. I put a hand where the baby just kicked and looked at my stomach. That was a powerful kick. I took a deep breath and headed downstairs. I went to the kitchen and grabbed an ice pack out of the freezer. "What's wrong?" Jason asked. I sighed loudly and put the ice pack against my stomach. "She's is kicking... really hard," I said. Jason chuckled lightly before he hesitated. He wanted to say something.

"Look, I talked to Luca already; I heard y'all," I admitted.

"And?" he asked. I sat on the couch in the living room and laid my head back.

"And nothing," I finished for him. "We talked, and he understands that I'm Hayden's gxa of nom coma," said Jason sat on the ottoman and pulled my feet onto his lap. I let my eyes close as he started massaging them. "And... you're okay?" he asked. I nodded. "I'm fine," I said. I ended up falling asleep sitting there as Jason massaged my feet.

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