FFF-Class Trashero

[13th Round] From Seniors

“In this world, everything went wrong from the very beginning.”

I couldn’t expect much from the savages of the Fantasy World, but at least I could live in a clean, hygienic environment.

Heroes, princesses, princes, beauties, archmages, swordmasters…

No matter how amazing one’s job, appearance, status, and background were… Everyone lived in this filth.

In the Holy Mollan Empire, special attention was paid to cleanliness, and those who refused to wash were considered bioterrorists that spread the plague, ultimately leading to their imprisonment.

But one regression was enough for everything to be updated!

This world had always been a mess. Therefore, it needed to be changed from its very foundations.

I finally got the chance to make things right.

“I’ll at least do the future students a favor.”

I didn’t want to live the same miserable life my embittered senior had, which eventually led him to escape like a coward.

If I rewrote the history of the Fantasy World from this bygone era, it would be reflected in the textbooks of future students.

It wasn’t that difficult.

“I will cleanse this world with flush toilets.”

I wanted to spread the greatness of Master Mollan, but before religion, these savages now needed hygiene.

Countries that refused flush toilets would be conquered, and those who threw garbage in the wrong place or relieved themselves on the streets would be punished.

It was hard to convince everyone with words.

It would take a lot of money, after all.

I realized this when I asked Ssosia to supply the Holy Mollan Empire with flush toilets.

They weren’t difficult to build. The problems arose from the plumbing and sewerage.

It wasn’t easy to direct underground water or water from rivers with a magical tool instead of a pump and connect it to houses using pipes.

In this era, weapons were mainly made of metal.

And metal spoons were used only by members of the royal family, aristocrats, and wealthy merchants.

Everyone, including the officials, would go crazy if I said pipes would be laid to their homes, through which water and feces would move.

For the local savages, it would just be a waste of money.

“But they will understand everything once they’ve experienced the benefits of modern civilization for themselves.”

Slime toilets, considered a luxury, weren’t bad either, but mass producing them was difficult. Only well-trained mucus could live in such a tight space.

“Don’t exploit my children for such a stupid reason, Drug Hero.” the First Spirit began to protest.

“Ha! This is a secondary goal. As I said recently, I want to drive away demons and angels and create a world ruled by spirits. Who caused you to lose strength and become a drug addict?”

“You.” the First Spirit answered without hesitation. “I can’t live without your drug. I am drawn to you by an irresistible force. Therefore, it is your fault.”

“Okay. Why did you lose your strength?”

“Because of my obnoxious little brother and sister.”

The First Demon and the First Angel.

They weren’t related by blood, and therefore weren’t siblings, but they still considered themselves as such.

“Need more reasons?”

“Hmm… no.”

Then everything was simple.

The spirits began to take over the world of Fantasy.

The foolish savages didn’t know how powerful the spirits truly were since they only thought of them as specific “elements.”

> Earth Spirit: Controls solids.

> Fire Spirit: Generates energy.

> Wind Spirit: Generates vectors.

> Water Spirit: Controls liquids.

> Soul Spirit: Controls hormones.

Spirits were much stronger and more dangerous. If they fought at their fullest potential, no one would be able to stand against them.

Living things were composed of solids and liquids and consumed calories closely related to energy and vectors. They were also dependent on hormones secreted internally.

I started with the simplest one.

“Let those who try to resist suffer from diarrhea,” I announced.

And it would definitely come true.

***

Starting at the northern edge of the northern continent of Fantasy, the savages began to surrender, quickly submitting to me.

But not everyone accepted the changes calmly.

Some fools were against the introduction of flush toilets because it was too expensive.

Well, since that was what they desired…

Eating food and going to the toilet became hell for them.

At first, they thought it was food poisoning, but then they realized that it was the work of the “soul spirits.”

Hormone Management!

Diarrhea was just the beginning of it.

“I-I give up.”

“Enough, please …”

“How can you be so cruel!”

“Help! My ass can’t take anymore!”

The rest of the spirits didn’t even need to interfere.

Small countries immediately raised white flags after the intervention of the soul spirits, which manipulated hormones. Because of the pain brought by the illness, they immediately realized how much they needed flush toilets.

I killed two birds with one stone!

Who was left?

Those with amazing skills managed to avoid the soul spirits’ wrath.

The ruling circles of powerful countries saved themselves on their own or with the help of expensive magic tools.

Conquering them required a different way.

“It’s time for me to intervene.”

“I can tolerate diarrhea, Drug Hero, but violence should be avoided! Don’t use my children to wage wars!”

The First Spirit’s voice was stern.

Who did she take me for?

I, the MAX-Class Hero, had conquered 50% of the Northern Continent through peaceful means in just two days.

“I’m not going to fight. Watch closely.”

It wouldn’t be wrong to say the entire Northern Continent was ruled by the Magic Empire, the predecessor of the Magic Kingdom.

The remaining half of the lands, left outside of my influence, was their territory.

But today, everything would change.

“My dear residents! Don’t worry. I will protect you from evil spirits and that scoundrel who calls himself a hero while forcing those dubious things called flush toilets upon us! The Magic Empire has endured a lot during their invasion, but we’re still more than capable of handling their next offensive. As your emperor, I promise you! We will not surrender! We will fight to the end!” The Emperor proclaimed from his terrace.

That speech was full of lies.

If I left it just like that, then I would tarnish the title Hero.

So I intervened.

“My stupid people! Do not worry. I will isolate you from good spirits and the just person who calls himself a hero while introducing those useful things called flush toilets to us! The Magic Empire has done a lot of stupid things before, and this time will be no different. As your emperor, I promise you! I don’t care what happens to you all! I will protect myself!”

That great wizard, who could even become a sage if he remained celibate, was able to prevent the spirits from interfering with his hormones.

But what happened to his voice?

The “sound waves” coming out of his mouth at a speed of 340m/s affected people’s eardrums.

What happened if the spirits of the wind intervened and manipulated their vibrations?

“What?! Has the emperor lost his mind?!”

“He’s dangerous!”

“H-how can he say that…”

“He’s abandoned his people!”

As soon as the emperor delivered his speech, which I corrected, the people panicked.

He didn’t understand why people were so alarmed, and the aristocrats, who were still suffering from diarrhea, but had held on due to their loyalty, couldn’t hide their disappointment.

And at this moment…

“Hello, people of the Magic Empire. I am the Righteous Hero that His Majesty the Emperor spoke about. On his behalf, I also want to announce that I am the true heir to the throne. This royal seal on my finger is the very proof of that!”

‘Thank you, nurse. I am making good use of the genes you passed on to me.’

With the addition of Z-rank Fabrication, I instantly captivated the stupid inhabitants and aristocrats of the Magic Empire.

(Um, Sir Hero? Didn’t you come here to save the world? This doesn’t sound like a hero’s journey at all…)

‘Silly goddess, listen to me. Do you think idiots stealing tombs, digging graves, and desecrating ancient sanctuaries are saving the world?’

A real hero had to be able to use Agitation and Fabrication.

“I’m witnessing a real miracle!”

“This country isn’t lost yet!”

“The rightful heir to the throne has appeared!”

“So that’s why he was so strong!”

In just two days, there was no longer a single inhabitant who didn’t know the “Righteous Hero” who conquered half of the Northern Continent.

They followed me.

They interpreted that the reason why I was so strong that I could control all the spirits was that the blood of the First Emperor, the greatest wizard, flowed in me.

“How is this possible…” The incompetent emperor, who messed up with his speech, gave way and flopped to the floor.

He didn’t last that long on the throne.

Thus, with my 65 years of experience, I distributed flush toilets on the Northern Continent, thereby improving the lives of its residents.

But I wasn’t done yet.

Because on this continent, there were still impurities that were no less dangerous than the Demon Lord.

“You, you, and you are to go into exile.”

I drove The First Hero, Lanuvel, and Alex from the Northern Continent.

And of course…

“Wait! I didn’t do anything illegal!” Lanuvel began to protest.

“You didn’t?”

“Yes!”

“The fact that you breathe is a crime and a sin in itself.”

“H-huh?!”

My senior still seemed unable to move on from the time the Snow Woman chose me. Hence, without wasting any time, he decided to sail away on a boat. His companions and support group followed him.

Some stayed behind, though.

“Saintess C, aren’t you going to go with them?”

“Don’t call me such a strange name,” She said, avoiding direct eye contact. “But there’s nothing I can do if you like that name.”

“Oh?”

“W-what? I just said that I like your actions because I am also an adventurer! Although you’re amazing as a man too!”

“I got it, got it.”

She frowned at the fact that I wasn’t serious about her words.

“It’s true. I think you are much better than him. He only solves problems with violence. Someone like you can become the real hero this world needs.”

“Enough.”

The hero the faculty wanted to see? The mere mention of it pissed me off.

“Plucking up the courage, I praised you! If you only knew how stingy I am with praise…”

“It doesn’t interest me.”

“Oh, okay…”

Saintess C, whose face reddened, fell silent.

It was time to move on to the next one.

“Senior, it’s time for you to leave.”

I was the protagonist of this generation.

If the First Hero, who was allegedly sent into exile, killed the Five Great Disasters from other continents and earned glory from it, it would interfere with my plans.

So I started to sing.

As I watched the retreating boat of my senior, Lanuvel, and the others, I sang a song I had learned from the Mermaid Queen.

“Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye~♬”

The boat, having received a warm welcome from the beautiful mermaids, would sink in the very center of the sea.

Onto the next matter at hand…