FFF-Class Trashero

[21st Round] Spinal Cord

“Drug Hero?”

“… This is amazing.”

[Spine]

It wasn’t a bad divine power.

However, its weakness was that it had no effects on objects without a “backbone.”

This wasn’t enough to establish justice in the world of Fantasy.

From the very beginning, my stats should have been like this:

▶ Race: Perfect Deity

▷ Level: 1

▶ Job: Ascended (Hero = Demon Lord)

▶ Skills: Cervical Spine GGG, Thoracic Spine GGG, Lumbar Spine GGG, Sacral Spine GGG, Coccygeal Spine GGG…

▶ Status: Good

My approach was wrong.

Out of habit, I evaluated other people’s spines, but I completely forgot about my own.

It wasn’t that I had a bad spine.

It simply meant that I never thought about properly using my excellent spine.

SKRRR!

I had evolved mine to perfection, fully capable of defending Fantasy’s justice.

Its cervical region (7 vertebrae), thoracic region (12 vertebrae), lumbar region (5 vertebrae), sacral region (5 vertebrae), and coccygeal region (4 vertebrae) were now in perfect harmony.

It was an amazing feeling.

[Spinal Cord]

The spine was more than just the bones that supported one’s torso.

It included the spinal cord as well, which was responsible for part of the central nervous system.

It contained motor nerves that transmitted commands from the brain and sensory nerves that delivered information to the brain.

In other words, the spinal cord was a brokerage company that connected the brain and muscles.

And what if the spine reached a perfect state?

“Wow…”

“Stop daydreaming, Drug Hero! Explain what happened to me!”

“Well, look…”

I balled my right hand into a fist and bent my arm at the elbow.

My brain’s commands traveled through my spinal cord. It then contracted the skeletal muscles throughout my body.

That much was just normal bodily functions.

What I was about to do next was where the fun began.

I gave the order to extend my right hand forward.

[Spinal Cord]

It was just a normal command to straighten my right arm, but I added divine power to it. Hence, passing through my central nervous system, it caused a “mutation” in my spinal cord.

Likewise, my skeletal muscle tissues receiving that signal also mutated.

I extended my fist sharply in front of me.

Grong!

It was a pleasant sound, like a golf ball plunging right into a hole.

The Cave of Trials, hidden under the Western Continent, was immediately destroyed.

Not even Shakespeare could do anything against this place due to the protection of the Fantasy system, but the mere shockwave of my punch nonetheless obliterated it.

Such was the power of a perfect spine!

▷ Realization: You’ve strengthened yourself…

‘Thank you for summarizing what just transpired here in a language that this foolish spirit can understand.’

Soon after, my mollanphone rang.

“Lord of Demons and Hope, a huge burst of energy has just been recorded in the eastern part of the Western Continent. It looks like some god has appeared there…”

“It was me.”

“Oh! I apologize for disturbing you. I built a flying ship to strengthen your combat power, but I think it’s unlikely to help you in any way now. I will have to improve and upgrade it. Oh! Don’t touch me there during an important conversation, honey… O-oh! I will contact you later!”

Pip—

It seemed like my attack was so powerful that even the Connoisseur felt and detected it.

It wasn’t even a legendary skill that consumed my entire strength reserves but a regular attack.

“Where to go next… Huh?”

I made a mistake!

I forgot that every time I grew stronger, the interest of the President of the Universe in me faded away.

It was now impossible for me to locate the evil teachers and Chaos Artifacts.

I was too hasty.

The President of the Universe, who wanted to see exciting confrontations with unpredictable results, had left me.

“What are you going to do now, Drug Demon Lord?”

“I’ll find out how my allies are doing.”

I single-handedly captured six of Fugitive Senior’s wives and even obtained a Chaos Artifact, which would help detect my seventh target.

Shouldn’t my senior’s incompetent subordinates have grabbed the remaining two by this time?

▷ Irritation: You keep spouting such nasty things, junior. My people are not talentless or incompetent. You’re just too fast since you have the ability to control space.

So did they catch them or not?

▷ Discontent: Due to the teachers’ intervention, they didn’t achieve significant success. However, from the information I received, they have successfully collected Chaos Artifacts. Return to the base of operations on the Northern Continent and learn how to track down my remaining wives.

Without asking any questions, I went back to our headquarters.

[Dark]

[Spinal Cord]

I compressed the space between me and my destination to shorten the distance I had to cover and moved at high speed by pushing myself off the ground with my spinal cord-reinforced legs.

As I seemingly warped through space, I focused.

“Oh-oh … everything has been completely destroyed here. This mark looks like Captain Fantasy’s ass mark! Has he already gone? Tsk! I am his first wife. Hence, I shall be patient.”

“Se-e-e-ex!”

Ssosia stood astride her stingray with obscene screams, following the path of my destruction to revert everything to normal.

Each time she waved her magic wand, her entire vicinity was restored, as if time itself rewound.

There seemed to be nothing for me to worry about.

I hated to admit it, but I thought my adventures wouldn’t have been as hard if I had a companion like Ssosia with me in my first round.

▶ Appearance: Cadet Kang Han Soo. A senior colleague has contacted me.

Supervisory Bakery?

▶ Confirmation: Yes. You got his name wrong, but you’re right.

I completely isolated this place with the help of my Darkness.

Consequently, teachers who infiltrated earlier could no longer escape, and no more of their kind could enter.

Of course, people from the outside world didn’t know what was happening here, just like how we knew nothing about what was happening out there.

However, there was one exception: gorgeous Trainee Teacher.

▶ Embarrassment: You haven’t even seen me! Ahem! My senior said that all preparations are now complete. I inquired about the preparations in question, but he said that cadet Kang Han Soo would immediately understand what he means once I’ve conveyed his words to you.

Completed? Did Supervisor Bakery really say that? Anything else?

▶ Curiosity: That’s all he said. So, what do you two mean by preparations?

‘… I can’t tell you yet, Trainee Teacher, no matter how amazing you are.’

▶ Understanding: It seems like it’s classified information. I feel a little sad, but I’ll wait until you’ve decided it’s time to tell me.

‘Thank you very much for your understanding, Trainee Teacher!’

Naturally, I knew what the supervisor meant by preparations.

“Here they are.”

Due to our conversation, I didn’t even notice how I managed to return to our base of operations here in the Northern Continent.

They would clearly disassemble this bunker-like alien fortress later, but it would’ve been better if I could convert it into a dungeon instead.

And its theme and setting would be a hellish bomb shelter where Fugitive Senior’s vanguard stayed due to their master’s inability to subdue his lust.

▷ Fright: No way!

Fugitive Senior wanted to reclaim all his belongings after achieving our common goal, but I demanded he left everything here!

I wouldn’t accept refusal!

This was the price he had to pay for making me heal Gardening Teacher’s scars.

▷ Counterproposal: I didn’t think I would have to repay my debts so soon, but that’s a fair deal. I agree with your demands, but get rid of your silly story. I have already erased my personal file in that world and do not want to leave any other traces.

‘Fine. I’ll figure something out later.’

▷ Perplexity: I can’t believe a person like you bears the title of Hero and, even more shocking, possesses divine powers…

Having reached the base, I landed.

This whole place had turned into a battlefield, with the combatants using firearms that didn’t fit Fantasy at all.

Fragments of broken androids were all over the area.

Was it only androids?

“Hold on!”

“Aaahhhh!”

“Kh!”

Many people died.

The teachers and Fugitive Senior’s army incessantly clashed as the former tried to reclaim the Chaos Artifacts and the latter tried to defend them.

Behind her army, I saw Red.

“Protect the artifacts! If even just one is stolen, you will not be permitted to return home alive!”

I went up to her.

“Hi, Red.”

“I don’t have time for greetings. Hand over the captured teachers and the Chaos Artifacts and help us defend the base… Huh?!”

“Another teacher in the collection.”

“How did you know… Kha-kha!”

“I’ve known about it since I saw you commanding from a safe distance.”

First and foremost, the Red I knew didn’t lead her troops to victory by shouting commands from afar. She stood by her men side-by-side in the frontlines.

Second, her dragon form was much better suited in large-scale battles like this than her dragonian form, which specialized in one-on-one battles.

PSSSS!

Like a chameleon, the teacher who completely concealed her identity revealed her true form.

She looked angry.

“I thought my imitation was flawless.”

“It is, but since you can’t imitate the combat power of that powerful dragon from space, you decided to play the role of a strategist.”

“I see.”

“This is the end. I’ll be catching the remaining teachers soon enough.”

“You’re too late. I am an acting teacher. The soldiers, deceived by my acting, have already moved the artifacts to another location. They didn’t even suspect anything.”

BOOM!

A pillar of fire soared into the sky from underground near the bomb shelter.

A victorious smile appeared on Acting Teacher’s pale face despite her neck being clamped by my grip between her 6th and 7th vertebrae.

“Why are you smiling?”

“You may not understand this, but when an actress like me leads everyone around her finger, catharsis sets in.”

“That’s understandable. Then guess why I’m smiling.”

I brought my face so close to Acting Teacher that she could probably feel my breath on her skin, then showed her the Righteous Hero’s smile.

“H-hik?!”

“Wow, you really look frightened. You act well.”

“A-ahh…”

PISSS!

Yellow fluids flowed down her legs.

“… That’s going too far. There’s no need to play so realistically. I like your dedication, though.”

Fshuh!

Holding the teacher by the neck, I managed to make a sharp turn with my body, striking a kick.

Going!

My attack seemed to hit the target, but I didn’t get the result I wanted.

Who was this?

▶ Surprise: Ah! That’s a powerful senior!

It was yet another man, once again confirming that my senior’s wives became lonely and got into relationships with their colleagues after he ran away from home.

“It’s nice to meet you, student Kang Han Soo. My name is Dulejour, and I have been appointed to the Deputy Director position by Parmael, the distinguished director of the Fantasy Institution.”

“Tou Les Jours?” [TL: Popular Korean bakery. It’s in every H-mart.]

“Dulejour. I am currently acting on behalf of the missing director, but I’m actually a physical education teacher specializing in spear skills.

“Hmm…”

I didn’t think he was joking.

The deputy director Tou Les Jours was holding a shining spear in his right hand.

It would probably hurt a little if that pierced me.

He also possessed divine power.

[Recoil]?

“It is a very useful power. Oh! Could you please let go of the acting teacher first before we continue our conversation? I don’t want her to suffer, considering she transforms for me every night.”

“Transform?”

“Imagine the perfect combination of a white nurse uniform and black suspender belt. If you add a vertical recoil somewhere in between…”

“So that’s the kind of physical education you do at night.”

“Haha! I knew you would understand, student Kang Han Soo! Why don’t you free her and fight me man to man? The beauty will go to the winner. It is an ancient male tradition!”

“I don’t mind. That being said…”

“Go ahead. I’m listening. I have been counseling students for so long that I’ve grown bored of it, so I have enough experience.”

“Raise your spear.”

“Why? Hmm … Khaaaah?!”

Deputy director Tou Les Jours tried to lift his spear but immediately lowered it to the ground, leaning on it like a cane and clutching his back.

[Recoil]

[Spine]

I didn’t know what the effect of his divine power was, but it didn’t matter. It was time for Tou Les Jours to say goodbye to his nocturnal hobby.

“Well? Why don’t you attack?”

“It can’t be! Because of my Recoil, your spine should’ve broken, not mine… Parker Lee fooled me!”

“It looks like a lot of teachers are unhappy with Bakery.”

Bam!

The hero who defeated the deputy director confiscated Acting Teacher’s suspender belt.

▶ Question: Cadet Kang Han Soo, is this also necessary for your preparations?

Oops…

‘Of course, this garter belt is a must in our plans, Trainee Teacher!’

“That sounds dubious, Drug Hero!”

“Ah! It’s time to keep searching!”

Forgive this vicious Hero. Mollan.