FFF-Class Trashero

[22nd Round] Pretending to Be Cute!

“213 years ago, I, Righteous Hero Kang Han Soo, and my dummies, Sword Princess, Sword King, Sage, Mercenary King, Elf Queen, set out to storm Demon Lord Pedonar’s castle. After losing the Saintess and many other comrades, we finally reached the decisive battle! The Great Demon D, along with his subordinates, blocked our path. At that moment, Sword King Alex recklessly shouted, ‘Go forth! I will catch up with you after I’m done with them!'”

“He died?”

“I think he died.”

… Telling a story wasn’t fun if the audience anticipated the course of events.

“Right. The arrogant and self-confident Sword King Alex was left behind with allied forces. However, he died while trying to stop the Great Demon D. Having dealt with the enemies, I went back to check the Sword King Alex and found him dying. I gave him a quick death. He remained forever in the heart of the Righteous Hero as someone who helped destroy Demon Lord Pedonar!”

“Wow!”

“Incredible!”

I sat on a bench by the lake and told my twins, sitting on either side of me, stories from my first round.

In hindsight, I could say that the 200 years from the 2nd round to the present were spent collecting debts.

My character and personality were formed in my first ten years in Fantasy, and it was finalized after I met Master Mollan.

Now…

I was the father of two daughters who didn’t look like me.

They were different from my son Haris, whom the Sword Princess raised as a future knight.

“… Strength isn’t everything.”

“Hmm?”

“What?”

“Haha! Next time, I’ll tell you why strength isn’t everything. The story of the mermaid Aqua, who was only interested in strong males… You’ll learn more next time.”

Although they defeated young Noebius, they weren’t that strong.

They were 160 years old.

That made them almost ten times older than their brother Haris.

However, there was no significant difference in sheer combat power. The reason Selenis and Selvenus were so much stronger was that they possessed divine powers.

If my son Haris, whose spine resembled mine, could break out of the cycle of eternal regression, then in 100 years, he would be able to catch up… No, on second thought, that was impossible.

No matter how hard I thought about it, I didn’t know how to counter Retribution.

Which god gave my innocent children a red button that would launch nuclear missiles?

“Selenis, Selvenus.”

“Ah?”

“Yes?”

“Great power does not come with great responsibility. Nobody can force you to take responsibility. Great power comes with fear. If there is someone stronger than me in the universe, they can take everything I hold dear. Living without that fear is real happiness. However, the day might come when I’d be deprived of it.”

“That’s complicated.”

“That’s unclear.”

“Haha! You don’t need to understand.”

I needed to be strong for them.

I had to give these children a world in which they wouldn’t need to be strong themselves.

This would be my last work before retirement.

“Dinner is ready~”

I heard Thalea’s voice.

My daughters immediately ran to her, and I asked, looking at the heavens:

“What’s the deal with Lanuvel?”

“She’s not here. Neither are other threats,” Hanjo replied as she descended.

All this time, I thought Lanuvel, pretending to be cute and deceiving good heroes and locals, was hiding out here somewhere, but I was thinking too narrowly.

She had already escaped from the Fantasy dimension.

So she could have escaped from here too.

Maybe she was already somewhere in space.

“She can’t wander around because there are interns everywhere.”

That was the reason why my cowardly wife organized the “Festival of Interns,” generously showering them with rewards.

It was all to find Lanuvel.

Currently, outside the cities, trainees with shovels in their hands created ‘extreme conditions.’

In other words, there was nowhere for her to hide.

But if she still hadn’t escaped…

“Lanuvel has no choice but to hide in the floating city of angels.”

“Perhaps. Hanjo, search all the angel cities for my arrival.”

“What will the Demon Lord do?”

“Dinner.”

“…”

“If you’re envious, you can catch yourself a good rooster and marry him.”

“Um… I’m fine.”

Fshuh!

Hanjo spread her wings nervously and flew high into the sky.

“Well…”

I haven’t rested for a long time.

***

I decided to quietly escape at dawn.

Thalea had hoped to be with me longer, but now wasn’t the right time.

I could lose everything.

If Fantasy’s ownership were passed to Mollansoft, Ssosiel and I, who maintained it, would forever remain attached to it with no way to escape.

Shadow A jumped out of the shadows, covered with nothing but a blanket over her underwear.

“Sir Hero, Elfheim would like to speak to you.”

“Where is he?”

“At the lake.”

“Okay.”

Constricting space, I found myself behind the wall of the house, then by the lake, where I saw Elfheim walking along the shore.

“Oh! You’re really fast, Hero. If you were a murderer, I would already be dead. Haha!”

“Yes, very funny. What did you want to tell me?”

“I doubt the Hero came to the Festival planet just to see his daughters. There must be some special reason.”

“That’s right,” I answered honestly.

Maybe I could label him as my second father-in-law after Pedonar.

Although it was ironic that I had all of my children with women whom I wasn’t married to.

Sword Princess Kaisa and Elf Thalea.

Ssosiel, my actual wife, was the only one who hadn’t given birth to my children.

Elfheim, walking side by side with Shadow A, stopped and stared at the lake.

“Festival is home to First Angel Parmael. She’s slightly different from Demon Lord Pedonar, who migrated to the planet Fantasy. Parmael nurtured her people and followers since ancient times, and she ordered the angels to guide people to the path of adventurism. But soon, this planet became insufficient for the dramatically increasing number of adventurers.

“And?”

I still couldn’t see the Elf King’s point, so I decided to listen a little more.

“Parmael, deciding that there was nothing left here in Festival that the adventurers could explore, turned her gaze to another planet suitable for human life.”

“Fantasy.”

“Yes. Parmael became acquainted with Pedonar, the local guardian deity, and, having received permission from him, sent thousands of adventurers to that planet.”

“And that was the beginning of disaster.”

The adventurers killed my mother-in-law, Fantasy, the spirit of the planet, causing Pedonar and Parmael to fall out.

I knew very well what happened after that.

Parmael orchestrated an assault on Demon Lord Pedonar, dispatching some of her most distinguished warriors among the adventurers she raised.

And Fugitive Senior, who defeated Pedonar, was hailed as “The First Hero.”

“Did you already know about this, Hero?”

“Didn’t Shadow A tell you?”

“She did. You married the Demon Lord’s daughter, right? But my daughter came before her.”

“This is some kind of scam.”

If a royal elf got pregnant at least once every 1000 years, it was already considered a success, but Thalea succeeded in just one night!

Nonsense.

“That’s just how the world works.”

“Forget about it. You wanted to tell me the information you’ve collected over 200 years?”

“Yes. Therefore, I will not waste the Hero’s precious time telling what he already knows.”

“Great.”

The expert Shakespeare knew how to conduct a dialogue, and the third Elf King wasn’t any different.

… Except for his pathetic hobby.

“Let’s go back to the roots. Having settled on the planet, Pedonar and Parmael pursued the same goal. They wanted to conquer the world and wanted everything it had to offer for themselves. It all started with such a childish idea. However, preparing to rule over it, they went their separate ways. Pedonar increased the number of his subjects by raising an army. On the other hand, Parmael increased the number of her subjects by gathering adventurers. Isn’t it weird that she went with that path?”

“Indeed…”

If one wanted to conquer the world, they would need to collect an army.

Why would they need adventurers?

No matter how many there were, they were just thieves digging through tombs and ruins.

They wouldn’t be able to appease the people of a defeated nation.

If criminals stated that they had established the rule of law, who would believe them and follow them? Earth’s history was the perfect example of this.

In other words, there was something else involved.

“Therefore, I came to the conclusion that someone hammered this idea into Parmael, who at the time was like an innocent child.”

“Adventurers can do whatever they want.”

“Yes. Adventurers are those who love, well, adventures. Someone who admires the spirit of adventurism influenced First Angel Parmael…”

“Lanuvel!”

That was the first name that came to my mind.

She always muttered about “adventure.” It always came down to adventure.

An adventure to find friendship, adventure to find love, adventure to build strength, adventure to strengthen bonds, adventure to generate income…

Conquest was also an adventure.

Elfheim continued, “My full name is Elfheim Kahn Lanuberk. Elfheim is the name given to me by the second Elf King. Kahn is a title passed down to the leaders of the Southern Continent’s elves from generation to generation. Lanuberk is the surname I received from the Holy Empire’s ruling family when they adopted me.”

“The Holy Empire… Parmael’s grandson, Richel, was also the bearer of their blood.”

“That’s not just a coincidence. For nearly 200 years, I have been collecting information scattered across the Festival planet about ancient times while pretending to peep on the breasts of both human and angel races’ females.

“Oh really?”

He didn’t pretend but really peeped, combining business with pleasure.

“Lanuvel is “truth” in the ancient language. Lanuberk is an ancient word that means “one who preaches the truth.” Even in the foundational myths passed down from generation to generation among the Lanuberk imperial family, there are records that God descended from heaven to earth to spread the truth. Putting all those information together like puzzle pieces, it began to make sense. The angels also had a deity who taught them the truth about adventure.”

“Stop! That means…”

Oh! My God!

I felt admiration for Elfheim as I looked at him, gently rubbing Shadow A’s chest.

How did he come to such a terrifying conclusion?

His amazing deductive ability gave me goosebumps.

“Therefore, archaeologist Lanuvel should be known as something else.”

“The Goddess of Fake Cuteness.”

“… Huh?”

“Am I wrong?”

Judging by his confused expression, it wasn’t the answer he was expecting.

Elfheim corrected me.

“The Goddess of Adventure.”

That was the name of the most annoying deity in the universe.