FFF-Class Trashero

[30th Round] Super Handsome Son-in-law

I was a humble G-Class Hero, but when I heard my mother-in-law call me handsome, I couldn’t help but shrug!

“Are you blind, sister? He’s fearsome, not handsome.”

“As soon as I saw his face, my heart started beating like crazy…”

“That’s because you’re scared.”

The washboard teacher began to demean the G-class President’s appearance without any clear reason.

I should fire her later.

“This handsome man is my son-in-law… Hmmmm… Are you really?”

My mother-in-law’s violent tone became softer.

I wanted her to acknowledge me for being the Righteous Hero rather than for my looks. Unfortunately, I was born far too attractive for my own good.

Still, since it was fate’s work, I had no choice but to accept it.

“Yes, Mother-in-law.”

“Mother-in-law? We elves treat our parents and siblings like friends upon reaching 2,000 years old. Please call me Esilis instead… In a friendly way.”

“…”

I had known for a long time that I was handsome, but this was the second time one of my mother-in-laws acted provocatively towards me, the first being my cowardly wife’s mother.

I kept forgetting that her lifespan was infinite since she looked like she was still in her 20s, but she was actually a living fossil that had been existing for over 10,000 years.

Did my mother-in-law really like my appearance that much?

Or did she decide that “the daughter does not deserve such a son-in-law”?

The way Silesia trembled while looking at me made me second guess myself.

The second wife of the Elf King…

It was annoying to think about.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you. I was planning on visiting you sooner, but my trip was postponed when I heard very recently that your daughter has given birth to my child.”

“I see. Where did that girl catch such a handsome guy… Hoho! This is silly. All I can think of is how handsome you are when I look at you, so please understand if I keep saying strange things. Ah! I apologize for keeping you standing while we talk. Please, take a seat on the sofa.”

“Thank you.”

Our meeting went well.

Mother-in-law B, who was just recently condemning me for ‘tainting’ her daughter, became as generous as Mother-in-law A.

What was the difference between the two, then?

“Elfheim Kahn Lanuberk is my light, master, teacher, senior, love, man, and husband. How is he these days? Is he doing well? Does he still sit on the window sill on the second floor to ogle at the breasts of passing female humans?”

“Hmm. That doesn’t seem to be the case anymore these days.”

“Huh! Is he sick like the fake who died recently?!”

“Well, not exactly.

Mother-in-law A completely forgot about her husband Pedonar to focus on her son-in-law, but Mother-in-law B still loved and missed the Third Elf King.

If so, then what was up with her sticky gaze?

I felt like a slime caught in a spider’s web.

“So Silesia’s words about King Elfheim being alive were true.”

“…”

“Ah, I’m sorry. Even though you probably knew I elicited an answer from you to obtain the information I desired, you still provided a genuine evaluation. Ah, you have such a reliable heart…”

“… Thank you.”

Sitting close to me, she suddenly started stroking her son-in-law’s broad, strong chest.

I was a little confused.

“Oh! Please don’t misunderstand. Elfheim owns my body and mind. I’m just doing a physical examination on you to make sure you’re the right man for my daughter.”

“Ah yes.”

She sexually harassed me repeatedly, and now she was actually trying to do the dirty deed with me.

At that moment, Teacher A, who was scheduled to be fired, interrupted her.

“Please understand her. As you may already know, Elfheim saved my older sister from the slave market just before he left the affluent human society to save his suffering people. That’s why her way of thinking is closer to that of humans than our kind.”

“What do you take human beings for?”

“Humanity is a race that dominates this world with its vigorous fertility. Still, I was surprised. Unlike His Majesty Elfheim, who’s honest with his instincts, my older sister can’t express her inner desires fluently.”

She was expressing herself quite well right now.

Outside this door, Kaisa was waiting for me.

“If your hand goes even further down from there, mother-in-law, this situation might become a lot more complicated than it has to be.”

She might cause my soft justice to soar and harden.

“Oh! You just amazed me so much I grew unaware of what I was doing…”

“…”

“I want to continue what we were talking about earlier. Is His Majesty sick? He never took his eyes off of female humans’ chests.”

“He sits on a bench that offers a great lakeside view and plays with his granddaughters.”

“Ah…!”

Mother-in-law B’s dangerous hand movements stopped as she sighed deeply.

“I can imagine my daughter smiling with my granddaughters sitting on her lap or her side.”

“You don’t even have to look at them to know what they’re up to?”

“Of course. I am far away from His Majesty now, but those times are but a fleeting moment in my long life.”

“On that note…”

I didn’t realize she was a bug.

If I were to open it up now, though, I’d probably hear people saying I should read the atmosphere.

“I’m a bug, aren’t I?”

“Oh?”

“The real me yielded to her living brothers, and I, as a fake, am already satisfied with another fake. I do not want the dead to interfere with the future of the living, after all.”

“… Excuse me, mother-in-law?”

“There is no need to be compassionate.”

“No, it’s not that. I meant to ask you when you’re going to remove your hands. Their movements are becoming more and more unusual.”

“Whew! Amazing, isn’t it? I have honed my skills to fight against the superior breasts of human beings.”

“Using it on your son-in-law about is a bit…”

“You should be grateful. I’m doing this to you because I think of you as a man worthy of my respect. If you had been a squirmy scarecrow, I would have already put you in the trash.”

『A certain innocent goddess blushes.』

『A certain innocent goddess covers her eyes with her hands.』

『A certain innocent goddess opens up and spreads her fingers apart.』

… What was that goddess doing?

I needed to gently overcome this current situation before she could further plaster my view with her message.

“Fake…”

“I know I died in the distant past after being swept away by the rebellion my brother caused. I am now but a remnant of memories woven by the will of the world.”

I narrowed my eyes at her.

It wasn’t the first time I’d seen a mindset similar to that of Mother-in-law B.

She was a bug, so it was okay.

Hippolia acted the same way when she was on the verge of being absorbed by First Angel Parmael.

But what about now?

“I will tell my mother-in-law about someone I know.”

“A woman?”

“Uh… yes.”

“Your wife?”

“No, a slave.”

“Oh? Don’t tell me the Hero doesn’t know that wives and slaves are synonymous with each other in this place? That’s how Elfheim and I started, you know. Our relationship then as master and slave strengthened our bond even more than being an ordinary couple could.”

“Can I talk about her?”

“Whether it is right to talk about females other than my daughter right in front of your mother-in-law remains to be answered, but I will tolerate it since I am a fake.”

“…”

This woman was beyond my imagination.

I was having a peaceful conversation with someone who killed herself, regardless of whether she did so directly or indirectly, yet also possessed a spirit that was no less than that of Elfheim.

Her thoughts about wives and slaves being similar didn’t seem like they were just nonsense.

“What do you want to talk about, son-in-law? Oh, before that, I’ve already deduced that you’re not just an empty handsome shell. Hence, I give you my blessing to have my daughter.”

“You can tell that much just from sexually harassing me?”

“Of course. I’m really sorry if you thought of it as sexual harassment, but I had to do it since being handsome isn’t all that makes a man.”

“I see.”

I already knew I was an attractive president, but I hoped my mother-in-law would stop saying I was handsome.

It was too much of an impetus for my humble lifestyle.

She laughed.

“I can clearly see what you’re thinking. Didn’t your mother-in-law curse at you for rationalizing sexual harassment?”

“I’m more curious about how you found out about it.”

“All handsome men look the same. There may be genetic differences in body type similar to in shapes and sizes, but lean physiques will always be almost identical.

“Yes.”

My body wasn’t much different from other Heroes.

There was a clear distinction between our muscle cells, but Mother-in-law B wasn’t talking about physical strength.

So what?

“I observed my son-in-law’s reaction to the stimulation I applied using my hand.”

“… Is it something like a conditional reflex?”

“I don’t know what that means, so let me provide a bit of an explanation. The current Fantasy world takes abilities for granted, but from the time I was born until I became an adult, mine were reserved for adventurers chosen by the Goddess.”

“I see…”

I again forgot that my mother-in-law B was a living fossil despite her youthful appearance.

Fantasy’s natives didn’t question the abilities they received from birth, but she had a different perspective since she knew that wasn’t originally the case.

“At some point, Fantasy became a world where powerful people were highly valued. Not wanting to be left out, I searched for a way to grow stronger, and amid it, I discovered…”

“Sexual Harassment?”

“No! I usually just hold hands. Calluses don’t help either since they disappear upon reaching a certain level. However, there are things one can’t hide even with skills and abilities.”

“Habits.”

“Exactly. Habits are the mirror that reflects a person’s life. I can even judge people based on their handshake.”

“Whatever your reason is, mother-in-law, you shouldn’t shake hands with your son-in-law’s 11th finger.”

“That’s not it. I was just checking the husband of the only child I gave birth to while I was alive. However, concluding that a handshake alone doesn’t provide enough information, I started investigating your body rather aggressively… Ah, my son-in-law’s firm chest that twitches every time I touch it is strangely addictive… You’re so handsome…”

“Hmm…”

I was confused.

My opponent right now was an LCD monitor that was more than 10,000 years old, while I was just a 200-year-old handsome guy.

Considering our age gap, wasn’t I being exposed to highly intricate child abuse crimes?

I didn’t come here for this, but I couldn’t help but feel dumbfounded in this situation!

“Your muscles are extremely toned. They’re different from Heroes who get so excited looking at beautiful females that they immediately attempt to gain possession of them. Your body also responds to sensations like a very precise magic spell. When I run my nails along your chest, even if I don’t pose a threat, the hair on your skin immediately hardens. That area of excellence can never be reached by the current generation of adventurers, which rely on their skills too much.”

“Hey~”

That was a pretty reasonable argument.

Even so, it didn’t change the fact that it was still enacting child sexual abuse!

“So, what brought my handsome son-in-law here? You probably didn’t come here to seek permission from me, who had already done it all and became a mortal.”

“I’m looking for Illeana.”

“Ah, you were looking for the stray cat’s daughter? no way…?”

“No.”

“I haven’t talked about this with you yet, but have you been backstabbed? I don’t blame you. I lost some of my time with Elfheim to that thief’s family too… Ugh. After my husband, they’re not targeting my son-in-law…!”

“Hmmmm! As the saying goes, I can’t find her because she inherited the blood of a stray cat. So I came here to get some help.”

“You want my help?”

“Sorry, no. I’m here to discreetly mobilize my subordinate.”

I left Mother-in-law B amid her confusion and looked at the other elf in the room. She rolled her eyes in response.

She was a so-called field teacher.

These days, she was wearing ordinary clothes without piercings all over her body.

“… I’m Silesia.”

“I didn’t ask.”

“It’s obvious that you forgot, so I decided to remind you in advance. The habit of impressing your boss is one of the foundations of an individual’s social life. I’m Silesia, a field teacher tasked with attaching spirits to muscle-headed Heroes stupid enough to be unable to use magic. I’m currently in charge of stabilizing the Elf Empire’s situation, which has become unstable due to His Majesty’s absence.”

Putting aside the special reason why she’d be fired soon, she actually worked really hard!

“So what about Illeana?”

“…”

“Don’t pretend like you know nothing. You have enough authority to get such intel with ease, after all. Disclose the information before I investigate it myself.”

“Alright.”

“Hmm?”

Her tone wasn’t at all convincing.

As the icon of betrayal, she sparked a rebellion after her husband, who was worshiped as a god by her people, only liked big breasts. Considering that reputation of hers, I couldn’t predict what she’d do…

“If she’s still alive, she’ll be in the Forest of Dreams.”

“Still alive?”

“I didn’t like watching my beloved grandson flirting with her fake-breasted aunt, so I poisoned him a little.”

“… You mean Nasus?”

“Maybe.”

“Hey! Did you poison your own grandson to protect him?!”

“Relax. I didn’t kill him. Illeana went to find a rare antidote that grows only in the Forest of Dreams. In doing so, I naturally separated the two without coercion—”

“You’re fired!”

“What?! That’s unfair!”

I, as the president, could just resurrect myself as many times as needed if I were to die in the dimension of either Fantasy or Festival.

But romantium, although naturally occurring, couldn’t be retrieved the same way.

Unless I could save Illeana from certain death, that precious metal might as well be lost forever!

“Please be safe!”

The handsome Hero faced an unexpected crisis!