Her Return, His Regret by Natie

Chapter 133~ For better, for worse Lora froze, her hands which Ryan was holding trembling in his hold.

The restaurant was warm but the warmth did nothing to defrost the icy reality that had just been laid bare. A chill ran down her spine, making her blood run cold. Was Ryan really dying? She stared at him, her lips parting but no words cout of her mouth.

Her mind was spinning with several thoughts. A thousand emotions rushed into her at once- anger and devastation.

"Lora-" "Ryan... how could you think like that?" She managed to whisper although her voice was shaking. "Why would you throw away your life like it was nothing?" "Back then, my life was nothing without you in it," Ryan admitted. "Everything felt meaningless. I was consumed by guilt and regret. I had to make it right somehow. Although my death couldn't bring you back, I knew I would join you and make it up to you in the afterlife." "Make it up to me?" Lora repeated, her voice rising and raw with emotion. "Did you ever sit to think if I would have wanted you to do that? That was a selfish decision, Ryan. I never asked for your life. You did it for yourself, to make yourself feel better." Ryan looked at Lora and admitted, "Yes, my love. I was selfish. I was drowning in pain and didn't think about the consequences. I didn't know I had children then but I should have done everything in my power to get better for myself and those who love me. I shouldn't have given up on myself like that. Luckily, I found out you were alive and it gavehope. I wanted to live again- with you and our children. I thought I could fix everything... that I could get better and grow old with you like I promised. Now..." "Now what?" Lora questioned, pain flickering through her eyes. "Are you saying you won't be able to keep your promise?" "There's no future for us... I'll just drag you down," Ryan responded in a low voice.

Lora's tears flowed freely, her anger still bubbling up within her. "Why do you think you get to decide if we have a future or not? Ryan, I'm your wife, what makes you think you can shutout and letwatch as you fade away?" Ryan closed his eyes, the pain in his heart doubling with each second. He remarked, "I'm sorry, Lora. Nothing can be done about my situation... the donor is gone and without-" "No, Ryan," Lora stated, looking into his eyes. "I'm not giving up on you. There has to be another way... we can search for another donor. I'll also get tested to see if I'm a match. You're my husband and I'll do all I can to make sure you get better. We can't resign ourselves to fate." As she said this, she couldn't help but recall how Ryan mostly looked exhausted. His pale skin, the bags under his eyes. How could she not notice that he was sick? Was he going to undergo such a painful process alone and pretend like nothing was wrong? Her stomach churned at the thought.

At the stime, Ryan glanced at Lora, his heart feeling warm at her words.

He reached over and wiped her tears before saying, "I don't deserve you, my love. You're so kind-hearted. However I've tried all I can... it was hard to find a match and now that my tis running out, my chances are slim. But I will continue searching for a solution.., I do all I can to survive." "It's not over until it's over, Ryan... we can beat this And I'll stand by your side. Have you forgotten the vows we exchanged? For better, for worse, in sickness and in health. I'm annoyed that you hid this frombut won't waste tdwelling on it, after all, we may not have enough time," Lora said after sniffing back her tears.

Ryan smiled before pulling out sdocuments as he said, "This is a file for the transfer of my shares and property-" "What are you doing?" Lora asked, frowning. "I'm not going to accept that because you're going to survive this, Ryan." "It's for the kids..." Ryan said.

"Then you better give it to them yourself when they are older," Lora remarked. "I'm not giving up on you. And just so you know, I would hit rock bottom with you in a heartbeat, knowing we would rise up together again." Tears rolled down Ryan's cheeks as he uttered, "I... don't know what to say." "You don't have to say anything. We shall find another donor and I'll stand by you every step of the way We are one... just like I would want you to stay withwhen I'm sick, or when I'm at my best, that's the sway t expect you to wantto stay te by your side in good or in bad times. Don't pushaway- we are family." Ryan got to his feet and walked around the table. He pulled Lora up and embraced her, holding her tightly.

"I swear, I'll try my best to get better. I won't give up so easily... not when I have such a loving wife by my side," he remarked, his voice hoarse.

Lora smiled and hugged Ryan back. She replied, "We will get through this together... But, I want you to tell your family. This is not something you keep from the people who love you." ""I will-" "Let's tell them now... I'll also ask my Uncle if he can help us with looking for a donor. He has sdoctor friends overseas," Lora suggested.

Ryan nodded, hugging her tighter. "I'll do whatever you want, baby." "Good," Lora replied.

However, Ryan suddenly went limp in her arms and her heart jumped to her throat.

"Ryan?!" Chapter 132~ His secret Lora's eyes rounded at Ryan, her heart sinking to her feet.

"W-what do you mean by that?" She asked in a shaky voice. "Are you sick?" Ryan gulped, a guilty look crossing his face as he answered, "Unfortunately, yes, I am. Before I knew you were alive, I was diagnosed with myelodysplastic syndrome. It's a rare blood disorder- it's a disease that's eating away at my ability to produce healthy blood cells-" "Wait," Lora interrupted, her face turning pale. "Are you saying you've been sick all this while and you didn't think of telling me?" "I..." Ryan trailed, not knowing what to say. "I didn't want to burden you with my problems, Lora. I honestly thought I was going to get cured. We had found a donor for the stem cells. I would have told you before doing the transplant but... I received a call from my doctor two days ago that the donor was missing." ##Flashback to two days ago.## Ryan sat in the oncologist, Doctor Steve's office, feeling dejected after hearing the news of the missing donor. "So, how long do I have? Is there really nothing else that can be done?" Ryan asked, his voice hoarse.

Doctor Steve sighed, looking at Ryan before answering, "Unfortunately, you had refused to start the treatment when we found this disease. It's too late now... at most, you have a few months to live if you're lucky. But that's just an estimation, you can die on any day without warning. Your MDS is high-risk and the only solution is an allogeneic stem cell transplant." Ryan was quiet as he listened to the Doctor, but his heart was not with him. Why did things turn out like this? Just when he took his family back, he found out he couldn't be with them forever like he had promised.

If only he had started treatment when he was first diagnosed... however, at that time, he was filled with guilt and regret about Lora's supposed death that he thought his illness was a punishment for his failure to protect her. When he found out she was alive, he informed his doctor to find a way to treat him and they quickly found a donor although it took stto find a match.

"We only found one person who was your match. But with that person missing, there's little I can do to save you, Ryan," the doctor said.

Ryan's heart sank. He was dying... what explanation would he give to Lora now? That he had promised to grow old with her only to leave her after a few months? Leaving the doctor's office, Ryan glanced at Lawrence and instructed, "We have to find the donor and find out why she's gone off the grid." "Perhaps she had a change of mind," Lawrence replied. "We can't force her if she has second thoughts." "I know," Ryan said and clenched his hands into fists. "I don't have enough time, so I need to find her and try to persuade her once more... my life is in her hands. I can't afford to leave my family." That was how Ryan and Lawrence spent the last two days searching for the donor. They traced her phones and went to the locations where she was last seen, however, no matter how much they searched or how much money they pumped into the search, they couldn't find her.

It was like she had vanished from the face of the earth.

Ultimately, Ryan had to accept his fate and cclean to his wife. The only option he had was to spend his remaining twith his family as much as possible if Lora would let him. He feared she would hate him after finding out his secret.

##End of Flashback## Ryan glanced into Lora's blurry eyes and gave her a small humorless smile as he said, "I thought I had it under control... I thought all was in place would get treated and we could finally grow old together. I guess I was wrong." He looked away to blink away his tears as he continued, "I'm so sorry... I didn't mean to promise you a future, only to leave you and the kids all over again." "Why?" Lora's teary voice reached Ryan's ears and he turned to look at her, his heart clenching with guilt.

"Why didn't you say anything? What made you think you could go through this alone? Have you told any of your family about your illness?" Lora questioned as tears rolled down her cheeks like a broken dam. "How could you do this to me? Did you think I would leave you if I knew you were sick?" Ryan lowered his eyes, his stomach churning.

"No... you've got it wrong. I was confident there was no need to worry since everything was under control-"

"Why have you waited this long to get treated?" Lora asked. "You're a rich man who can afford to fly in donors and doctors, why did you wait until now? Unless..." Her eyes widened when realisation hit her. "Don't tellyou put off your treatment because you actually wanted to die?" When Ryan was silent, Lora's heart broke.

"Was it because you thought I was dead?" She quizzed. "Don't lie to me, Ryan. Enough of the lies and the secrets!"

Ryan gulped, his heart aching. He looked at Lora before reaching for her hands. He said, "Yes, I did think it was my punishment and decided to not do anything ab about it. But when I found out you were alive, I asked my doctor to helpout and that's how we found a donor. I'm sorry, I didn't want to worry you... I was going to tell you before going for treatment but I can't be cured now." Silence fell over them and Ryan added, "I'll understand if you don't want anything to do with me... you don't have to hit rock bottom with me."