I Should Have Just Died

Chapter 220

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Seidrick touched his head. Alyssa speaks her words casually like that to show that her past does not affect her anymore.

But Seidrick didn’t like it.

Painful things must be painful enough.

It would be impossible for even a wise man in the world to forget the past. He doesn’t know if it becomes a very old past as the years go by and fade away.

But Alyssa is still living in the present, isn’t she?

Seidrick felt the need to rectify this.

“Alyssa.”

Seidrick looked around and gently grabbed Alyssa’s wrist. He pulled Alyssa over and sat down on the sofa.

‘Seidrick, you have to be careful.’

Seidrick cracked down on himself.

Alyssa is immature with her feelings and even more immature with affections and favors from others. Alyssa is more accustomed to giving than to receiving, so Seidrick must also be well aware of that so that he can’t hurt her.

Above all else, Seidrick doesn’t want Alyssa to be hurt.

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Meanwhile, Alyssa was looking at Seidrick’s hand as it held her wrist.

Seidrick’s body temperature warmed her skin. Earlier, Seidrick grabbed Alyssa’s hand with such a warm hand. While she was eating in the dining room, she was enveloped with the warmth of love. At the banquet, Seidrick never let go of her clasped hands.

Alyssa was thus able to see that he was a skilled ambidextrous person.

That time, Seidrick freely used his left hand to eat.

Alyssa unknowingly opened her mouth.

“…… Please hold my hand, Seidrick.”

“Yes?”

Alyssa raised her head and mumbled her lips.

“Hand. Please hold my hand, Seidrick.”

Alyssa was a noble princess, but she was an unloved princess. That meant that not even the maids could hold Alyssa’s hand. She has been treated less than a maid. No one could hold Alyssa’s hand.

It didn’t mean that there was no grown-up who loved her, however, and no one held Alyssa’s hand.

It was a very unfamiliar experience for Alyssa to hold hands when she was sweating like this. Sharing each other’s warmth brought a surprisingly good feeling. And it was warm. It was as if it was the heart, not the hand, that Seidrick grabbed.

Alyssa begged like a little child.

As Seidrick hid his embarrassment, he took Alyssa’s hand. As sweet as before, like she asked. Seeing the smile on Alyssa’s face, Seidrick had to swallow his sigh.

He was unfamiliar with this Alyssa.

Just looking at Alyssa smiling over something like this makes his heart shatter. Seidrick asked.

“…… Alyssa. What do you think of your past?”

She is a young child who has not received affection and has been rather neglected and abused. Alyssa had to be ignored by everyone and was filled with only the obligations she had to shoulder in a situation where she had nothing to offer. How does she think of herself like that?

Alyssa rolled her eyes.

“The me of the past…… I was a helpless little child who couldn’t do anything. I knew what I had to do, but I couldn’t…… No one was beside me, so I felt lonely and pitiful.”

As Alyssa smiled her faint smile, she coldly judged her past self.

“I was hoping someone would notice, but I didn’t know how to move on my own, so I just rolled my feet, so there was a stupid side of me…”

“Then.”

Seidrick cut off Alissa.

“How can you smile when you talk about that?”

Rather, it was Seidrick who had a painful expression on his face.

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“It should be painful and sad enough. Why are you smiling?”

The one bewildered was Alyssa.

“Seidrick, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable…”

“Alyssa. I am not uncomfortable.”

Seidrick also clasped Alyssa’s opposite hand. With her full face to him, Seidrick spoke the truth.

“I want to grieve the past you together. I want to tell you that you don’t have to try to pretend you’re okay. Alyssa, I want to share your sorrow with you. Just like you did to me.”

Alyssa understands Cambridge’s misery and shares their pain. However, there is no room for that for Seidrick.

No.

Maybe it’s just that Seidrick didn’t do that. Seidrick whispered as he met the trembling purple eyes.

“Sorrow is halved when shared, and joy is multiplied when shared. Alyssa, I want to share your half.”

“Sedrick…”

Alyssa’s lips trembled. She never expected to hear such words. So, is that possible? For her too?

“You…… are so precious.”

No one ever told Alyssa that.

Transparent tears welled up in Alyssa’s eyes.

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