I Should Have Just Died

Chapter 230

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It was the first weekend without work in a long time.

It would be more accurate to say that Dania was kicked out of the royal palace rather than having no work. Dania came over and claimed that Alyssa and Seidrick had the right to enjoy the weekend. And Seidrick agreed with her.

Alyssa needs to rest.

So they decided to go where she could never work. Seidrick and Alyssa went to their Cambridge mansion after a long time. It was also because they couldn’t go far because the holidays weren’t long.

Besides, Alyssa insisted that they should go to the Cambridge mansion.

‘I want to greet…. properly.’

At first, Seidrick didn’t know who Alyssa was referring to or who she would greet. He only realized who she was talking about when Alyssa smiled sadly.

Alyssa had a sad expression on her face right now. Although she no longer refers to herself as a sinner when she puts herself in front of Cambridge, it does not mean that Alyssa has completely forgotten the past. Like Seidrick.

“What kind of story do you want to tell?”

He asked after a long silence. He wondered what Alyssa might want to tell Kendrick. In fact, he was also afraid that Alyssa would return to her old days after this incident. Reflecting on the past has its advantages, but it also has obvious disadvantages.

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Seidrick doesn’t want Alyssa to be caught up in the guilt of her past anymore.

Then, Seidrick’s fingertips asking her questions became cold with tension.

Alyssa answered, looking away from him.

“I don’t know yet. My head turned white…. I had no idea what to say. Actually, I don’t know if this is right.”

Alyssa smiled as she turned her head to Seidrick, but she was also pale and tired from tension. Seidrick said.

“…don’t overdo it.”

“I’m not overdoing it…. Is it okay to go? Will Lord Kendrick tolerate me? May I stand in front of Lord Kendrick’s grave under Avery’s name?”

Alyssa asked with an anxious face.

Seidrick got up and went to Alissa’s side. The two sitting across were now seated side by side, and Seidrick grabbed Alyssa’s hands. Seidrick’s cold fingertips, who gently wrapped Alyssa’s fists, were beginning to feel a tinge of warmth.

“It’s okay. Kendrick would have forgiven everything. He is not one to gnaw at himself with hatred or anger.”

“…… Avery has betrayed such a great hero.”

Alyssa smiled faintly.

“I will never be able to get out of that yoke.”

“Alyssa.”

“I am not going to let myself go. I’ll spend the rest of my life apologizing.”

“Alyssa, you don’t have to.”

“No. No matter how much you cover me, the Avery lineage doesn’t change. Their temperament can always be expressed in me. Besides, I grew up with Avery’s mean favors. That too is an unchanging truth.”

Alyssa tried to speak as quietly as possible.

It was a conclusion I came to after thinking and thinking over and over again.

“I will remember all of that and watch out for myself. In every moment of choice, I will chew on my past. So that I don’t hurt others by making the wrong choice.”

Alyssa rested her head on Seidrick’s shoulder as if she was okay.

Seidrick moved his body to make Alyssa feel comfortable. But, still holding Alyssa’s hand, Seidrick remained silent. Now, rather than comforting Alyssa, he felt like he should listen to her.

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“Don’t forget, Seidrick. You can’t completely forgive me. If you stay by my side and I try to do something I shouldn’t do, you must remind me.”

“Alyssa……”

“Just because I didn’t do it doesn’t mean it’s not really what I did. You and I know. No matter how hard the temple and the nobles on my side try to cover up my past, people keep coming out with my past.”

Alyssa was right

As it was a royal family with many flaws, she had to be an impeccable king. In Alyssa’s every step, her past followed like a tail, and mistakes that could be easily overlooked would be multiplied by several times when Alyssa made them.

It was a truth that even Seidrick could not deny.

“So I will not take myself off from my bridle. No matter how hard I try to take it off, I will be having a hard time.”

“No matter what, I will be by your side.”

“So, I guess that’s why I am strong.”

Alyssa touched Seidrick’s hand.

“You asked what kind of story I want to tell Lord Kendrick? I wanted to tell my story like this. So, I hope it will lighten his heart a little bit.”

Alyssa slowly closed her eyes.

Alyssa will now protect what Kendrick struggled to defend. For Kendrick, who is sadly gone. And for Alyssa herself.

***

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