Keyboard Immortal

Chapter 28: Dumb Lass

Translator: Pika

“Big brother Zu, you should head in and look for my father first. Tell him that you’re my friend. I’ll join you once I’m done treating the patients here,” Ji Xiaoxi told Zu An apologetically as she attended to the crowd gathered before her.

“Sure.” Zu An had planned to do that anyway. If he let Ji Xiaoxi and Divine Physician Ji compare notes on him, the lies he had spun would quickly unravel.

The entrance to the Ji residence was left empty, as the mass of patients that had blocked it earlier were now crowded around Ji Xiaoxi. The rocking chair out front was empty as well. Clearly, Divine Physician Ji had retired into his residence.

Zu An stated the reason for his visit, and a servant quickly led him into a courtyard. Gesturing toward one of the rooms, the servant said, “The old master is in there. You may enter alone.”

Divine Physician Ji considered the areas where he brewed medicine as sensitive areas, and prohibited servants like them from entering them. As for the threat of outsiders possibly harming Divine Physician Ji, that worry was for naught. There was no one in Brightmoon City who would dare to mess around here.

Zu An pushed the door open and entered the room. He heard crude laughter coming from within, and his expression twisted oddly. After a few more steps, he noticed that Divine Physician Ji was not brewing medicine. Instead, he lay on a chair, browsing through a suspicious-looking book. It was probably that erotic book that he’d been bribed with earlier in the morning.

The divine physician’s perverted expression and gooseflesh-inducing cackles made Zu An wonder how this vulgar middle-aged man had produced a daughter as sweet as Ji Xiaoxi. action

“Hm? You returned earlier than I thought. Did you manage to gather all of the goubaos?” Divine Physician Ji’s eyes didn’t leave the book for even a moment, but he was still able to accurately identify Zu An.

“I didn’t bring any goubaos with me,” Zu An replied.

“Tsk. What are you doing here then? Scram, scram, scram, don’t interrupt me while I’m reading my book.” Divine Physician Ji shook a leg leisurely as he impatiently waved Zu An away.

Zu An took out a stack of banknotes and waved them around. “While I don’t have any goubaos, I do have money with me. Do you want it?”

“Heh, why should I decline money that’s delivered to my doorstep?” As swift as a hurricane, Divine Physician Ji flew out of his rocking chair and snatched the bank notes out of Zu An’s hands. They were worth exactly 100 silver taels. “You were a poor bloke earlier. How did you manage to strike it rich all of a sudden? Hm? And why do these banknotes look oddly familiar...”

Zu An began sweating upon hearing those words. Is this man so obsessed with money that he can even recognize his own banknotes? Fearing Divine Physician Ji would discover that he had obtained these banknotes from Ji Xiaoxi, he quickly forged ahead. “I’ve already paid you the consultation fee. It’s your turn to treat me.”

Divine Physician Ji tucked the banknotes into his clothes. “Fine then. Since you’ve delivered the money right into my hands, I’ll be gracious and help you take a look at it. Take off your pants!”

“Huh?” Zu An was stunned.

“What do you mean, ‘Huh’? How am I going to examine your condition if you don’t take off your pants?” Divine Physician Ji shot Zu An a disdainful look. It’s not as if you’re a babe. Do you think that I’m that interested in getting an eyeful of you?

“Weren’t you able to diagnose my condition with a single look this morning?” Zu An found it hard to accept that he had to take off his pants in front of another guy.

“I could only tell that there’s a seal planted on your body. If I don’t take a closer look, how am I supposed to tell what kind of seal it is?” Divine Physician Ji grumbled. “If you don’t want to take it off, so be it.”

“Fine fine, I’ll do it!” Zu An cried out tearfully. His future happiness was riding on this, so he had to put his pride aside for the time being. Considering how happy this middle-aged man had looked while browsing through his erotic magazine, it should be safe to assume that he didn’t swing the other way.

“Oho, it looks quite delicate,” Divine Physician Ji remarked casually.

Black streaks darkened Zu An’s face. If not for the fact that I’m no match for you, I’d have surely pressed you down to the ground and pummeled you by now!

Divine Physician Ji returned to his chair and said, “You need not worry. You have been struck by the Great Yinyang Pulse Severing Palm, which has affected your development. As long as the seal on your body is removed, you’ll revert back to normal.”

Zu An was overjoyed. There’s still hope! He quickly pulled up his pants and asked, “What’s this Great Yinyang Pulse Severing Palm? How do I get rid of the seal?”

Divine Physician Ji replied, “Based on what I know, it’s a domineering sealing palm strike that has been passed down in the royal palace. As long as you raise your cultivation to the Master stage, you’ll be able to tear through the seal with ease.”

Zu An nearly spurted blood. Why was he working so hard if all he got in return was the same damned answer? “I know that already. I wouldn’t have bothered consulting you if I could reach Master stage that easily. Return me my money! It looks like your reputation as a divine physician is a mere exaggeration!”

“Heh. There are only a few Masters in the world. Even if you get lucky and reach that level, I reckon that you would have one foot in the grave by then. You wouldn’t be able to put that thing to use anymore,” Divine Physician Ji mocked him gleefully. “Forget it. Seeing how pitiful you are... I do have another way to treat you. However, it won’t be easy.”

“What is this other way? No matter how hard it is, I’ll definitely do it!” Zu An nearly sobbed in relief. Just as he thought he had reached a dead end, a new door had been thrown open right before him!

“Tsk. Given your capabilities, what can you possibly do?” Divine Physician Ji sneered in disdain. “Forget it, I’ll come up with it myself. However, you have to do something for me first before I’ll save you.”

“What? But I already paid you the treatment fee!” Zu An cried indignantly.

“What treatment fee? It’s called consultation fee for a reason!” Divine Physician Ji glared at Zu An coldly. “What I’m setting out now is the treatment fee! Have you never seen a physician before?”

Zu An finally understood why this middle-aged man had so many patients hollering at his doorstep every day. However, this was not the time to be concerned with that. He asked instead, “What do you need me to do?”

“I don’t have any hobbies in my life except to collect the dudous[1] of beautiful women...” Before Divine Physician Ji could finish, Zu An cut him off contemptuously with a raised middle finger. “You’re such a repulsive man.”

“You don’t want to be treated anymore?” Divine Physician Ji sneered.

Zu An bowed obsequiously. “Esteemed physician, please continue speaking.”

“That’s more like it. If you can get the dudou of Cloudmidst Commandery’s Yu Yanluo...” Divine Physician Ji quickly shook his head. “Forget it, you’ve probably never stepped out of Brightmoon City before, so how could you possibly cross paths with such a legendary figure? Let’s see... The Chu clan’s matriarch, Qin Wanru, Brightmoon Academy’s teacher, Shang Liuyu, or Immortal Abode’s courtesan, Qiu Huolei... Well, if you can obtain the dudous of any single one of them, I’ll accept it as the treatment fee.”

Zu An’s eyes widened in horror. He hadn’t heard of the last two before, but he did know Qin Wanru. He swallowed and said, “Aren’t you afraid that the Brightmoon Duke could learn of your interest in his wife? He’ll pin you to the floor and beat you up!”

“Who is he to me? Do I look like I’m afraid of him?” Divine Physician Ji replied proudly.

“If you’re that formidable, why don’t you obtain their dudous yourself?” Zu An sneered.

Divine Physician Ji cleared his throat before replying, “I am, after all, a divine physician. I need to uphold my reputation! How could I do something as underhanded as that? Listen well! This matter should only be known between you and me. If anyone else were to find out about it, not only will I not admit to it, but I’ll make sure that the town learns about your erectile dysfunction!”

Zu An flew into a state of rage. “Just who are you accusing of having a dysfunction!?”

Divine Physician Ji stared blatantly at Zu An’s crotch and said, “Why don’t you try getting it up then?”

“Heh, it’s not like you’re some hot lady. I must be out of my mind to get it up for you!” Zu An hollered in anger.

Divine Physician Ji wrapped his arm around Zu An’s shoulder and said, “Alright, stop being so stubborn. Accomplish what I ask of you, and I’ll make sure you become a healthy man once more.”

A myriad of emotions flickered across Zu An’s face. He reluctantly acquiesced. “Fine!”

For his own happiness, he had to go all out!

Zu An didn’t know how he left the Ji Residence. His mind was so completely preoccupied with his newly-assigned hell-level mission that he even forgot to bid Ji Xiaoxi farewell.

He hadn’t heard of Shang Liuyu and Qin Huolei, but Qin Wanru... Gah...

Recalling the earlier incident in the ancestral hall, he cursed Ji Dengtu’s horrible tastes. Qin Wanru was admittedly beautiful, but her temper was the worst.

On top of that, Qin Wanru was his mother-in-law. If he were to be caught stealing her dudou... setting aside Chu Zhongtian, even Chu Chuyan would skin him alive!

Just imagining the terrifying sight was enough to make him instantly dispel that possibility.

That left Yu Yanluo. It was a huge coincidence that he had saved her not too long ago. That being said, if he were to knock on her door and ask for her undergarment, wouldn’t he be thrown out of her residence right away?

Damn it, that perverted old man! Why the hell did he come up with such dastardly terms?

Shortly after Zu An had left, Ji Xiaoxi finally finished treating all of her patients and rushed back into the residence. However, only her father remained. “Where is he?”

“Who?” Divine Physician Ji asked.

“Zu An. He didn’t come in?” Ji Xiaoxi asked worriedly.

“Ah, that fellow. I have already sent him off.” Divine Physician Ji eyed his daughter suspiciously. “You know him?”

“Yeah, I met him on the road. He helped me,” Ji Xiaoxi replied.

A furrow formed on Divine Physician Ji’s forehead. “Stay away from him in the future. There’s no such thing as a good man in the world. I know just what kind of dirty thoughts are running through his head.”

Ji Xiaoxi’s face reddened. “He isn’t like any other men.”

Divine Physician Ji chuckled. “Heh, he’s indeed different from other men. I guess that’s all right. You have nothing to lose hanging out with him.”

From her father’s words, Ji Xiaoxi surmised that Zu An had already been diagnosed. She asked anxiously, “Can he be treated?”

“Of course! Who do you think your father is?” Divine Physician Ji said smugly as he stroked his beard. “However, his condition is a little troublesome. I’ll need to spend some time thinking about it.”

A smile blossomed on Ji Xiaoxi’s lips. “Yes, I believe in father’s capabilities. Ah, speaking of which, I managed to procure some Assrip Wolf goubaos. Weren’t you looking for them as ingredients for your medical concoction?”

Divine Physician Ji was taken aback. He hurried to check on the goods, and saw that there were indeed Assrip Wolf goubaos. His face turned into a mask of fury. “You went to the Wolf Valley? What if something happened to you? You shouldn’t put yourself at risk for something like this!”

He had given something to his daughter to repel wild beasts, but if she provoked and killed an Assrip Wolf, the rest of the pack wouldn’t have turned a blind eye. She could have exposed herself to great danger!

Ji Xiaoxi replied with a sweet smile, “Don’t worry, I didn’t hunt those Assrip Wolves. I bought them from someone else.”

Divine Physician Ji heaved a sigh of relief. Then something tickled his curiosity. “Who’s so capable as to be able to gather so many goubaos?”

“It’s big brother Zu who came in earlier. He didn’t tell you?” Ji Xiaoxi asked in confusion.

“You bought them from Zu An?” Divine Physician Ji swiftly sensed amiss. He hurriedly took out the notes he had just received as he asked, “How much did he sell them for?”

“A-around 12 silver taels each,” Ji Xiaoxi stammered out.

“Goddamnit! That brat actually sold it to you at such a high price?” The banknotes in his hand seemed to be laughing at him. How did a hawk like himself end up getting done in by a mere worm?!

“Actually, it isn’t that expensive. This stuff can’t be easily bought in the market after all,” Ji Xiaoxi replied, her face and hands flushed with embarrassment. She was glad that she had mentioned a slightly lower price. Her father would never have forgiven big brother Zu otherwise.

“How did I give birth to such a dumb lass!” Divine Physician Ji cried out as he shambled back to his room. That naive look on his daughter's face was enough to exasperate him!

1. A dudou is the undergarment worn by women in the past era.