MMORPG: Rise of the Peerless Pumpkinmancer

Two mighty warriors heroically braved the demonic fog.

"This time for sure!" Jack grumbled.

"Woo!" (Resolute!)

What didn't kill you made you stronger, right? Hell no! In MMO, painfully annoying deaths brought improvement!

Their fury had risen with every subsequent failure. By now, they were about to get blisters from pressing that goddamn red button! It was all those freaking flying chicken bones' fault!

But now they were finally about to get their revenge!

They quickly got rid of the hulking golem. Besides being ugly and strong, it didn't have much going for it. They endured the FML's song: so what if they lost a bit of mana? Then the bones came flying!

— Swish! Swoosh! Slash!—

< Living Chicken Bone Spirits Lv 12>

"Execute order 69!" Jack bellowed.

"Woo!" (Eager!)

This new battle plan included two things: mouth and ass!— and both were equally vital!

The deadly blades quickly collided with Jack's shield as he protected Moon Moon with all his might. But there were so many flying bone blades that he'd soon get overwhelmed!

That's when Moon Moon made its move! As the bones drew arcs toward its master, it powerfully leaped, grabbing one in its powerful jaw and retreating instantly!

It was a move that they had practiced over and over again.

The little wolf was so damn glad that its master had taught it the forbidden OP technique called…Fetch! Apparently, it was a secret move only taught to a man's best friend.

This proved how much its master cared about it! It made it feel all fuzzy inside and sparked joy!

"Great job!" Jack praised as he blocked the onslaught while waving shield and Cluckinator alike.

But Moon Moon wasn't done just yet! While crushing the enemy in its maw, it moved its ass from side to side, taunting the monsters! This technique worked wonders!

As it saw a few bone creatures going after it, it gave a victorious howl. This would provide a respite for its master and let him focus on counterattacking! Everything was going according to plan!

Jack kept attacking, turning the annoying things into bone dust. Their numbers were slowly dwindling down. Nice, this was what teamwork meant!

Then the last undead finally collapsed under their joint effort.

"Woo!!!" (Proud!)

"Hahaha, so what if we're slow! It's all about technique, I tell you!" Jack rubbed his partner behind the ears as it gave a blissful woo.

They promptly resumed their journey, one that could have been titled: not alone in the dark. They were still accompanied by the same annoying AF children-sounding demonic orchestra!

The constant background noise and mana drain made them as light-headed as it dulled their senses.

"Be careful, stay vigilant," Jack whispered as the poor wolf tried its best to cover its ears with a paw.

Before long, they understood the nature of their surroundings as they reached an intersection. This place was a goddamn labyrinth!— a horrendous one.

The architecture and the monsters worked together to render this a traumatizing experience. From time to time, they'd turn a corner only to be face to face with the undead! The chorus hid most sounds they'd make too.

It was PTSD-inducing, at the very least. Yet, the two adventurers kept progressing steadily, relying on their teamwork— only to stop suddenly.

The current dungeon was called: [Chicken Trial Palace of the Damned!]

They had met plenty of damnable creatures, and now they had finally encountered the trial part of it.

In front of the two was a very thin bridge that disappeared in the fog. On either side was an abyss that was most likely very deep.

"Woo?!" (Worried!)

"You're right. I doubt crossing will be easy." Jack commented as he took a step forward…and instantly disappeared!

"Woo?!" (Panicked!)

Moon Moon dashed forward to rescue its master! So what if there was danger ahead?! They were a team!…but then it instantly collided with his legs.

"The visibility is null. Use your paws to sense the ground. As long as you stay calm, it shouldn't be too hard." Jack instructed.

Instantly Moon Moon's breathing turned steady as it was probably nodding. In a world of darkness, the two kept walking on the thin ledge, akin to acrobats on a rope.

This should have been easy, right?

Oh, it was very easy….until they heard a very faint sound over the song:

— Cluck—GRRR-Cluck—GRRR! —

Oh god! This was freaking bad!

Would the creature even fit on this bridge? Judging by its growling approaching, it was already on it! Moon Moon shivered as it sensed the horror charging at them.

Evading was impossible, so was keeping it in place….there was only one thing to do. Jack would only have a single chance! He had the focus of a man listening for footsteps as he lay defenselessly naked in his room.

There!

— Cluck—GRRR-Cluck—GRRR! —

The thing was so large that he felt it as he heard it. The massive golem was displacing lots of the fog as it moved, and now it was upon them.

— CLANG! —

The creature collided with his shield. Jack's arm recoiled under the incredible weight, and his breath left him. But just as he was about to be overpowered, he used his whole body to draw strength akin to a lever.

"Hasta la Vista, Bony!" He thundered, sending the creature tumbling in the abyss.

"Woo?!" (Amazing!)

Jack grunted, still trembling from the intense physical shock. His only consolation was picturing how the other players would look in his place. But what was to come was even worse!

The labyrinth soon became a royal pain in the ass. It was deathly quiet and boring at times. But at others, a mix of flying bones and hulking golems assaulted them.

Then there were the challenges.

Oh, you evaded the flying bones before? How about the same but in a room full of holes where every single misstep would be the last?! It was super fun, especially the few times they did freaking die and had to restart FROM SCRATCH!

Are you getting used to the songs? How about turning the volume from 0 to 100 just for one room very suddenly?! Very enjoyable, especially when your ears start bleeding!

It was a freaking nightmare! But, there was something even worse than that! Fucking dead ends!

Fighting was one thing, even slowly progressing too. But to walk for what felt like an eternity only to come face to face with a wall? This just plain felt bad! It wasn't hard, it wasn't difficult, it was a simple waste of time!

"Please, no more!!" He complained.

"Woo!" (Another Wall?!)

Heck, that one time a dead-end turned out to be a very dusty stone-looking bone golem they freaking cheered!

Wrestling a Monstrosity > Wandering around for ages.

Both were in agreement on that one! Hell, to keep the boredom away, the two had even begun to play fetch with random golem bones.

Fun fact: golem bones are useless AF (besides playing fetch). Too brittle for weapons (something about losing mana) and too rotting to make any accessory.

They were losing their minds!

But just as they were about to go insane, they finally encountered something new. In front of them, there were stones gates inscribed with astonishing patterns of chickens….reading books?!

Was it finally time for the INT stat check?!

"Woo!" (Excited!)

"Yes, you're right. It's better than another dead-fucking-end." Jack agreed wholeheartedly as he confidently pushed the doors.

Except they wouldn't budge. What now….