Martial King's Retired Life

“Despicable! Shameless! Underhanded!” “Exactly, scaring us with that kind of drawing.” “Fight us fair and square if you’re true warriors,” cried the maidens I immobilised when their shock distracted them.

You two really are too young, too naïve. If this is despicable and shameless, I don’t think you know what despicable and shameless really entails.

“Feizhen, they said my painting is ugly!”

You still haven’t gotten over that?!

“Is my painting nice or not? Does it resemble you?”

I clutched my fist tight and extended a thumb: “It does resemble me! Not even twins bear such a striking resemblance.”

“Lies. I haven’t even finished it. Look, I still need to fix the fingernails here.”

I don’t see no fingernails! Are you sure this is the person you’ve been spending your days with? No vendor would dare to accept payment from this man! That’s a plague!

“Is it really bad?”

“It isn’t bad… if we’re using stick figures as the standard to beat.”

Besides me, even the two assassins were relieved to see Young Shiyi stow away her painting. The elder of the two asked me, “Hey, you’re her cauldron, aren’t you?”

The man accompanying The Demoness in her legends was me, but I had no idea how the claim that she cultivated with men to obtain her skills.

“Being a cauldron is lame. Release me, and you can have anything you ask for.”

“I want three hundred thousand taels. You have?”

“… I can hook you up with beautiful women.”

I pointed to Young Shiyi: “More beautiful than her?”

The assassin stared hopelessly at Young Shiyi’s face: “… Can I get a discount on the three hundred thousand?”

Is selling Luo Clan’s martial arts manual really the only solution? Why do people these days not have any empathy? Why can’t they carry around a few hundred thousand for us desperate pickpockets? What a sad era.

“Why’d you knock them out?” Young Shiyi questioned. “I still need them.”

“If you want to know their objective, interrogation won’t get you far.”

“I wasn’t going to interrogate them.”

“You plan to pose as them to meet up with their client, correct?”

“How’d you know? Their mission stated they were to meet up with their client in Nanjiang yesterday, but they must’ve rearranged that since they ran off to Beggars Sect’s place for some reason.”

“It’s between nine to eleven tonight, and the meeting point is here. I think your idea is clever. Thing is, will we be able to pass off as two female assassins?”

“That won’t be an issue. Skyrealm Palace is known for their secrecy, and Autumn Water Sword Sect is relatively unknown. Their swords are their badge. It took me a long time and a lot of effort to learn that much. By the way, how did you know the time and place?”

Triumph flickered across my face: “Assassinating us was an impromptu decision. That’s why I overheard them scheduling their meet up.”

“You mean you heard everything they said on the way?”

“Of course. It’s me we’re talking about here.”

“You sure you heard them clearly?”

“Guaranteed.”

Young Shiyi grabbed me by the ear: “Your ears are notorious for misbehaving. You’ve been eavesdropping on the female constables of Liu Shan Men, haven’t you?”

“I have not! I only paid attention to the two because they’re dangerous! Besides, there are no secrets at Liu Shan Men? What is there to eavesdrop on?”

I couldn’t tell if it was a smile or not that came to Young Shiyi’s lips. Either way, she scrutinised my facial muscles as she interrogated, “Do you listen in to your busty Miss Shen soaking her luscious skin in her tub every morning?”

“No.” I scoffed, “She washes up at night. You trying to fool me? You’re underestimating my elite-ness.”

Wait, what did I…

“Ow! Ow! Ow! I accidentally purposely overheard her when I passed by her room to pinch food and wine in the middle of the night!”

“Accidentally purposely? I see how it is. All right, if I f-”

“I’ll save you! I’ll save you no matter which river you fall into!”

Amused, Young Shiyi loosened her hold on my ear a tad. “That wasn’t what I was going to ask. I was going to ask, if your Boss Shen and I were to wash at the same time at your pl-”

“I’ll watch both?”

“-ace, who will you watch? Eh? Why?”

What do you mean why? It’s a foregone conclusion.

Young Shiyi pouted: “You can’t watch both at once. You can only watch one of us.”

“Why?”

“Because we’ll kill you right after, so you can’t look the other way.”

Don’t ask me to watch at all, then!

“If you don’t peep, we’ll die from humiliation. Are you going to peep or not?”

Why are you doing this to me?! Also, what’s with your logic? You’ll be humiliated if I don’t watch? Have all my EQ training sessions for you been for naught? I don’t recall raising you to be so unreasonable!

“Who are you going to watch?”

Stubborn women are scary. Stubborn women with Young Shiyi’s wits can’t be reasoned with.

If I will die after peeping, yet I have to peep, hmph, there’s no need to think about it.

“I’ll peep on both even if it costs me my life!”

“Feizhen, your resolute tone makes me feel that all my EQ training session for you have been for naught. I don’t recall raising you to be this sort of child.”

Where have I heard that before?

“Since you can’t answer, you shall sleep on my bed tonight as punishment.”

“Hell no! If Shifu finds out, he’ll murder me.”

“Sleeping on my bed means you have to pay for a bigger bed for me. What did you think I was saying? You… wanted to cook with me tonight?”

“Cook what?”

“Raw rice into cooked rice.”

Can you stop with the sexual innuendos?!

Although I had been sleeping on the beam so that Young Shiyi could have the entire bed to herself, I waited on her while living with her, so there was no shortage of heart-pounding moments.

Young Shiyi cackled without sparing decorum a thought: “I’ve laughed more times the last few days than the last few years added up. If I get wrinkles, it’s your fault.” And then she hammer fisted my chest.

“It’s my fault for making you happy?!”

“I never asked you to.” Young Shiyi wrinkled her nose and then suddenly covered her mouth in exasperation. “Time flies. It’s all your fault. We don’t have much time now.”

My fault again?!

“Fetch some water. We need to rinse the rice.”

Young Shiyi queried, “Why rinse the rice?”

“I’m going to cook tonight!”

Caught off guard, Young Shiyi bit down on her lip to control her reaction. Nevertheless, the temperature between us soared. “… You think I’m scared?”

I couldn’t help pulling Young Shiyi in at the sight of her beauty and thereupon planted my lips on hers. For the reason that she was dressed in thin clothing reminiscent of a negligee, I could feel the heat emanating from her shoulders and globes. Had it not been for the two mountains, we would’ve had our bodies entwined. By the time we separated, both of us were taking fast and shallow breaths. The sweat from her body enhanced visibility of her body.

“… I won’t get jealous anymore… I won’t get jealous if another girl wants to like you or marry you.”

I didn’t keep silent because I was out of breath but because my brain was second guessing what just came through.

“Your shifu has lovers all across the land, not to mention all his wives, yet I’ve never seen your shiniangs unhappy about it. As long as you… think of me, I don’t care. I must be main, though.”

“So that’s what you meant by ‘main’.”

“What else were you thinking? Hehehe, you better put in the effort to keep me happy. Otherwise, if I change my mind, I’ll spank your Yu’er, Yi’er, Hong’er and Xiao’er.”

Okay, stop before you say anything more insane. Minus the one you can’t even beat, one is my superior. One is a Princess, and the last one is a man!

After a while of lazing in my embrace, Young Shiyi complained, “Ah, I forgot again! All your fault!”

“Again? All right, let’s rinse our rice.”

Young Shiyi shoved me away and poked her tongue at me: “Trying to take a yard when given an inch? Behave yourself.”

“Yes, yes.”

“It’s best to remember some information in order to convincingly pass off as members of Autumn Water Sword Sect.” Young Shiyi directed my gaze to the two on the ground with her finger. “The two are sisters. The elder one is more assertive and not afraid to voice her opinion, while the other is innocent. You play the elder sister, Sister Feizhen.”

“Shouldn’t that be ‘brother’?!”

“Okay, Brother Feizhen, listen up.”

Hearing Young Shiyi, whom I waited on since childhood, refer to me as brother was the equivalent of a spell chant that could make me bend to her will.

“All of their members use Qiu, as in autumn, as their name. None of them have surnames. From my research, their patriarch is Qiushiu – autumn water – while the others all start their names with Qiu. The one you are posing as is Qiuyi. The other one’s n-, damn it. Someone’s coming. Hurry up.”

Young Shiyi shoved one of the swords into my hand a second before a knock came from the door in what was obviously a coded rhythm.

“Come in.”

The muscular, tanned man outside came in with a sack. Though his average height and build were hallmarks of Nanjiang’s natives, he, in fluent Central Plain’s Chinese, conveyed, “It is an honour to meet you. This one is Baimu State’s Wu Ba. The two on the ground are…?”

I answered, “The clients of this room. Borrowing the room of another will ensure we do not leave behind any traces,” whilst flicking signals to Young Shiyi for her to move the bodies, lest Wu Ba see anything.

“This one must learn from your attention to detail. May he ask for your names?”

I only knew what my name was. Young Shiyi had yet to tell me what her character’s name was!

Calm down, Ming Feizhen. Their names must have “Qiu” in them, and the two are sisters, so their names should be related. Since my name is Qiuyi… Qiuyi, Qiuyi, which “yi”, man?! Oh, I got it!

“I am Qiuyi. She is Qiuku.”

Glossary

Raw rice, rice and human making – Cooking rice can be used as a reference to producing a human. Cooked rice means she’s pregnant.

Rinsing rice – Washing up.

Cooking rice – Transferring white tadpoles over to the racing field, where they race to the egg.

Hearing Young Shiyi, whom I waited on since childhood, refer to me as brother was the equivalent of a spell chant that could make me bend to her will. – It’s akin to a level up to a relationship between a man and woman. If you’re familiar with Korean, it’s the equivalent of “oppa”. It’s a big deal to Chinese and Korean people (generally speaking)

Qiuyi and Qiuku – The original “yi” in Qiuyi is “one”. Ming Feizhen uses the “yi” for “clothes”. If you haven’t forgotten the nickname he gave for Jin Wangsun, Kucha (underpants), the Qiuku here is the same “ku” in “Kucha”. In other words, their names are Autumn Shirt and Autumn Undies.

The ‘er suffix as seen in Yi’er etc. – in this context, they act as a form of showing intimacy. For those familiar with Korean, we use “our” as a prefix before a name to show intimacy in the same way. If you had to translate it to English no matter what, you could translate it as “Dear (insert name)”.