Martial King's Retired Life

Something’s wrong.

If I looked up, I could virtually see “beware” written on the sky; even the ambience all around gave off the vibe. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was; however, my experience told me something perturbing was imminent. No matter where I looked around Shiri Palace, nothing could convince me otherwise.

“Brother Tie, why is everyone in the city stealing glances at me?”

“Ahaha, are they? You must be imagining it.”

“I’m not! They’re watching every step I take. I even checked to see if my sash was loose. If they were laughing, I’d think I’d have stepped on dog crap!”

“Really? Why don’t you have a think about it yourself?” Tie Hanyi gave me a smile that scared my hairs erect.

Think about it myself? I can confirm I don’t recognise any of them. It must be their gazes. Why are they so fixated on me? Could Martial World Treasury’s debt collector be out to collect my debt? But my payment isn’t due yet. Wait a second…

“Have I grown even more handsome after my long slumber?”

Tie Hanyi looked as though he had something to say, but he kept it to himself. I gently shook my head before he could change his mind.

Nah, that’s not likely. I’m already too handsome as it is. I’m too close too perfection to visibly improve.

From behind, Mount Monster thundered, “Oi, Ugly Ming, move it! Why are you standing in the middle of the path? Huh? Who would look at you? Dogs cry just seeing your ugly face, dimwit.”

Mountain Monster and I got into a match of shin kicking, face pushing, face rubbing… you get the drill until Tang Ye and Su Xiao pulled us apart.

Young Shiyi dragged me aside and began poking my head. “What are you up to now?”

I lifted a hand to signal for everyone to stop speaking.

I noticed that the people stealing glances at me weren’t slighting me but afraid I would discover they were watching me, the type that either a pickpocket or assassin would look at you.

I smell a conspiracy against me! But… surely there can’t be so many people out for me at once… right?

Things were only starting to get weird. As soon as my left foot entered the interior of Shiri Palace, a firework went off before my eyes.

Wh-what the hell are you doing in the middle of the day? I can’t even tell what colour it’s supposed to be!

Hundreds of people emerged from hiding spots to cheer. Even Emperor Yuansheng was smiling from ear to ear.

What is this? Gang rape? Guardians!

“Fret not, Young Shiyi, for I am here.” I stood in front of Young Shiyi, only for the horde to drag me off for some reason.

The people who dragged me off were practically ordinary folks; the majority of them had never trained martial arts for an hour in their life. They formed a human bridge together to pass me along overhead. I thought I was going to be thrown up and caught as a celebration, only for them to start singing sonorously as they marched to the palace that was a work in progress. Even without understanding Nanjiang’s language, I could tell they were passionate and extremely respectful toward me from their tones alone.

“They’re singing Shaman Faith’s archaic song of praise. The word they’re chanting is ‘hero’.” Young Shiyi wouldn’t struggle to catch up when she had qinggong at her disposal. “While you were sleeping, Beussent spread word that you were the catalyst to clearing Heisina Tribe’s name. You’re practically an idol to many now.”

The gems, precious gems and what have you used in the construction of Shiri Palace had either been scattered across the land or stolen by Gegewu; there wasn’t enough to rebuild the palace. As such, they used the remaining materials to fund what they could of Nieyao’s reconstruction. They were still a long way off from building a royal city. At most, they had cleared out plenty of debris; they didn’t even have a tenth of the original space to show their craftsmanship. This part of the city was actually a section Gegewu had people renovate for him to use as his personal abode, so we made it ours.

I had no time to take it all in because I was close to being squashed under the weight of civilians. As soon as they set me down, everybody started trying to touch me as though I was a trophy or something. The only way I could signal my location was by sticking my hand up into the air.

Some guy wearing fox fur and golden chains passed me a jug among the people showering me with presents. Based off the weight and swishing sounds when I shook it, it had to be a liquid inside, though unlikely alcohol. The man couldn’t suppress his joy spreading on his lips when I opened it, while everyone else started cheering, much to my confusion. God forbid I could understand the significance of a jug of pickled radishes.

I picked out a piece to taste so that I didn’t feel so ignorant. To my surprise, the flavour was amazing.

Why are you gifting me pickled radishes?!

The presents I received from other people were easy to discern. They gifted me salted radishes, radish sprouts, radishes…

A young lady bashfully requested in Mandarin, “C-could I please have your autograph?”

Finally someone normal.

“Where would you like me to sign?”

She passed me a knife. Panting, and with red flushes, she pulled up her sleeve. “On my body please!”

Is there nobody here who isn’t a lunatic?! Even if I am hero, this is insane, isn’t it?! Why are you all worshipping me like this?!

I accepted everything they gave me, let them touch me and signed autographs – not carve onto bodies with knives, no – on the way into the palace. I almost had a brush with death there… and I smelt like salty vegetables!

You could never imagine how glad I was to see familiar faces in the conference hall. Standing at the front of the left row were Long Zaitian, Dugu and Ye Luo. Standing at the front of the row on the right-hand side were Second and Sixth. His Majesty looked ready to cry tears of joy upon seeing me.

Your Majesty, I almost thought I’d never live to see you again.

“Constable Ming.”

“Present, Your Majesty.”

“Where the bloody hell have you been? I’ve been waiting four hours for you. What are you carrying those two jugs for? You should know this place is the equivalent of Jinluan Palace; you’re prohibited from bringing those sorts of items in. Men, confiscate them.”

I handed over the two jugs.

Emperor Yuansheng removed the covers for inspection. “Radishes? You brought two jugs of radishes in?”

“No, no, there are over a hundred still outside.”

“… It appears you have recovered.”

“Thanks to your divine blessings, this monk, I mean, this one is almost at full capacity. He is ready to tackle any task for you.”

“Oho?” Emperor Yuansheng performed a visual audit of me. “You’re already able to return to your post when you’ve just gotten out of bed?”

“It is a vassal’s duty to serve you and this one’s honour.”

“Hahaha, I knew I was right about you. You were hurt in the line of duty and immediately seek to help me upon recovering. I’m glad to know I didn’t waste my month waiting for you at Nieyao. I stated I would reward everyone who contributed at Nieyao. Save for the two still unconscious, you are the only one who has yet to receive his reward. I have already decided on your reward as well as publicised it. Nevertheless, I owe it to you personally award you. Now, Ming Feizhen, step forward to receive your reward.”

I took a step forward, then genuflected.

“Liu Shan Men’s Ming Feizhen is credited with protecting and helping me. He is also credited with Nieyao’s victory, pacifying my southern border, slaying evil beasts in addition to saving countless innocents. I hereby confer you master of Nieyao and First Rank Earl!”

No wonder why all those people were trying to befriend me. Hah, not only am I no longer a commoner, but I can also enjoy a top-class life of procrastination and indulgence.

Honestly, I had no interest in the post, not to mention how prone I was to drawing attention to myself because of it. That being said, who wouldn’t be happy to be a big wig for the first time in their life?

Emperor Yuansheng stroked his beard, jolly to see me jolly. “Hahaha, you deserve it. Since you are now anearl, you need a title. We already have Loyal Earl, Gallant Earl, Sincere Earl and All-Knowing Earl. Ever since my father’s time, Emperors decide on the title for an earl who earns his position through military merit, so how about I come up with an honourable title for you?”

“Thank you, Your Majesty, thank you.”

“It’s nothing. What title shall I confer you…? Let’s go with… with…” Emperor Yuansheng kept looking around for inspiration before cracking a smile upon setting his sights on the jug anterior to him.

I have a bad feeling about this…

“Y-”

“Constable Ming hails from Beiping’s Mount Daluo, so how about Daluo Earl!”

I’ll smash you!

Glossary

Daluo Earl – Unlike in English, all of the radishes, carrots et cetera end with the characters “luobo”. Daluo Earl is pronounced the same way as “big radish” in Mandarin. Thus, Ming Feizhen shall be called “Big Radish”. If someone can somehow make it work in English, enlighten me.