Martial King's Retired Life

Mount Daluo’s records didn’t record the specific effects of dragon blood on the human body. Hence, I had no clue what would happen once it became a part of someone’s body. Legends claimed that dragon blood could enhance strength, heal injuries and prolong life. Even less information existed on a dragon’s heart’s blood; all it mentioned was that it was unimaginably superior to dragon blood, which was why I chose its heart’s blood.

During our confrontation, I went out of my way to steal some blood from Pangu, angering it into smacking into the ground. That exchange was the one that became the deciding factor of our duel’s outcome.

Anecdotally, I could now say that it could regrow severed nerves, improve skin tone as well as remove scars cleanly. A medical practitioner would likely consider it magical water. It wouldn’t be normal if there were no consequences for using it. That said, why the hell do the effects have to resemble pregnancy?! And why pick now to show those effects?!

Everyone’s stare on me conveyed the same thing: guilty!

Despite my efforts to communicate, His Majesty’s agents refused to respond with words. Instead, they huffed breaths onto their fists and rubbed them! Tang Ye kept opening his mouth and closing it as if he was thinking, “Why would I call this fiend my bro?”

I said, “Hey, uh, let me explain… Th-”

“We’re just playing, Leader. Is it possible for anyone to not understand the situation? It can’t possibly be your fault.”

Second, I knew you would come around for me!

“It’s normal for young people to be impulsive and err. It’s no big deal.”

You just wait for your turn!

Second simpered with a thumb extended up.

Stop! I don’t need you to make this any more complicated than it already is!

There was disparagement and disillusionment in Lian Zhuiyue’s eyes. I could see a black shroud manifest around him as he muttered something inaudible under his breath.

“I… I…”

“S-Sixth?”

Lian Zhuiyue smiled with his lips but not his eyes. “Do you know how hard it was to persuade His Majesty to forgive Shifu’s uncountable misdemeanours and give us an opportunity to repair our name with good deeds? Meanwhile, before you could clear up the situation with Her Highness Second Princess, you have yet to figure out what the future holds for you and Grandaunt. Before any of that is sorted, you courted Wutong Jin Yuxuan’s interim matriarch. Nobody knows how to break it to Emei’s abbess or Wutong Jin Yuxuan’s matriarch, but you have gone and impregnated Miss Shen?

“Are you and Shifu teaming up to make me miserable? Do you realise how tiring it is to repair roads and bridges as well as uphold justice even when I cannot beat the villain? I have been risking my neck in fights left, right and centre for Mount Daluo’s reputation. You want to see how ‘easy’ it is?

“You want to explain? Okay, go ahead. Yeah? What? What are you? A dandelion? You just have to leave behind seeds wherever you go? Are you a weed? Are you troubled because they are indifferent to your feelings? Is impregnating people your hobby? How about impregnating Second Brother?”

“Big Brother Lian, please calm down… I also believe it is impossible for Second and I to achieve that. My partner needs to be a woman.”

“Right, so you admit you are responsible?! First Brother, I am utterly disappointed in you!”

Hold up! Where did I admit to anything but my innocence?! I was just pointing out common sense!

I finally believe that good boys are scarier than bad boys when they get angry. Sixth’s eyes are scaring me…

“Hohoho,” Emperor Yuansheng ordered, “Bring me Bold Breeze Chopper. I need to revise my skills. Today, I shall practice the technique ‘Stray Dog Slaughtering’!”

“Wait! Wait! You all want to know what happened, right?”

Everyone: “Speak!”

About what?! Not even I know what happened!

I looked over my shoulder, only to see Boss still as confused as the beginning.

“Fine, I shall not hide it any longer… It was a snowy, white day…”

Hong Jiu: “Doesn’t that make it half a year ago? Miss Shen’s belly isn’t protruding.”

“… You and I need to have a talk after this. Ahem. It was an ordinary afternoon prior to entering Nieyao. Boss Shen was asleep in her room. I happened to be a little tipsy from drinking. Without realising it, I entered…”

“Oh?”

“Her room.”

“Scum.”

“I saw her grimacing, so I undid her…”

“What?”

“Ponytail.”

“Scumbag!”

“… and noticed her sleeping face. I’m a man, at the end of the day, so I took off…”

“What?”

“… my clothes to drape over her.”

“Ew! And then?”

“And then you all suddenly came in today.”

His Majesty: “Ming Feizhen, you playing with us?”

I rolled my eyes and head. “Obviously. Do you think that could possibly be true?”

“Quite haughty, aren’t you?”

I curled my lips. “Your Majesty, why are you trying to have fun when there are plenty more important matters waiting for you. Vice-Captain Shen is merely feeling stuffy and queasy due to her long sleep. What conspiracy could there be?”

“You think I was born yesterday? You think I can’t tell the difference between pregnancy and nausea? How many children do I have? You think you can fool me?”

Oh, damn, I forgot.

I specialised in external and internal injuries within the medical department, but I wasn’t the expert on common illnesses. When it came to pregnancy, I didn’t have His Majesty’s experience.

Don’t tell me Boss Shen is pregnant because of the blood? Nah, no way. Could I have lost my mind when the Fengpeng took over and did the deed, but I just can’t remember? Hang on, why am I convincing myself now?!

Emperor Yuansheng: “Hahaha, you think I will fall for such sophistry? If you refuse to admit to your deed, I shall end you. If you own up to it like an upright man…”

“Then?”

Emperor Yuansheng hiked up a corner of his lips. “I’ll still end you!”

The hell was the point of even mentioning it, then?!

Dugu came back in. “Your Majesty, your blade.”

Emperor Yuansheng took his weapon, spat onto his hand, then hoisted his blade onto his shoulder. “Right, hold him down. I’m going to start from the bottom up.”

“Why from the bottom up?”

“It’s the law. Put away the incriminating evidence first.”

Everyone: “Yes, Your Majesty.”

Lian Zhuiyue was first to restrain me.

“Wait! I’m innocent! Calm down!”

“Hey! Why are you doing this to Big Brother Ming?” Su Xiao bolted over to act as a wall between me and the ruffians picking on me. “What are you doing?! Big Brother Ming has just recovered! I won’t stand for this bullying!”

Precious Xiao, thank you! I’m touched!

Tie Hanyi exhaled loudly. “You’re still young, so I understand why you don’t understand what the symptoms mean.”

“I do know.”

“Then… tell us what it is.”

Su Xiao lifted his chin. “Pregnancy.”

“Serious? You do know?” questioned Emperor Yuansheng. “Who would’ve thought Xiao Han has common sense. But, you know, why aren’t you joining us, in that case?”

Su Xiao wrinkled his nose as though they were idiots for asking him the question. “If she is pregnant, shouldn’t you be questioning Captain Song? Why is it on Big Brother Ming?”

Nobody uttered a word. Instead, they turned to each other for enlightenment. Moments later, they exclaimed, “Yeah, he’s right!”

“Sorry, sorry, it was a moment of impulse, hehe.”

“Sorry about that. My mistake.”

“Earl Ming, sometimes, the wrong people are beheaded in the imperial court. Don’t take it to heart.”

I replied, “It is okay. Never mind it. Just do not do it again.”

The reason I didn’t lash out at them was because Su Xiao pointed out something I missed. If Boss Shen was pregnant, why blame me?! I couldn’t have been the man who did the deed.

Hmm, why did I immediately conclude it was my fault?

Feeling my sash tug against me, I looked back to see Boss Shen looking at me. Seemingly unhappy with what I said, she softly complained, “Usually, it’s Boss this, Boss that, but now you’re trying to distance yourself from me as fast and far as possible?”

Do you see another solution?!

I responded, “If people think the child in your belly is mine…”

“Huh? Since when did I have a child?” Boss didn’t hear our conversation properly before since she was occupied with vomiting. Now that she had time to process and analyse, her face turned into a ripe tomato. She got up to assert, “Absolute nonsense! I’m not pregnant! Are you the one diagnosing improperly?”

“Hey, hey, don’t glare at me. It is your beloved His Majesty who believes your symptoms are a sign of pregnancy.”

As soon as he saw Boss Shen’s glare on him, Emperor Yuansheng cast away his weapon. “I, I noticed your pain and didn’t know what was happening, so I made my own conjecture.”

“Absolute hogwash. That is preposterous. I puked because, ah, I know why now.” Boss Shen shifted her gaze back to me.

“Huh?”

“Are you really going to try? It’s your fault. The day I went to find you in Nieyao, you,” Boss Shen remembered that the blood I transferred to her should’ve been kept secret, but she couldn’t come up with an alternative excuse on the spot, “put that unknown liquid in… in my body, and then I started feeling weird. I dare you to say it’s not your fault.”

I didn’t even need to look back to know what the people behind me were doing.

“Wait! I can explain!”

“Men, hold him down. As aforementioned, I’ll start from the bottom up!”

***

After an afternoon of being framed, several imperial doctors gave the final verdict: Boss Shen wasn’t pregnant. I was right when I assumed her body was trying to deal with the foreign substance. As the fever induced was different to the unusual fever, I had no idea where to start.

I went to say hi to everyone I knew so that they’d know I was back in action, then visited boss at night.

Boss was able to talk, laugh and all that stuff by night time. She laughed so hard at my Daluo Earl story that you wouldn’t think she was unwell only a few hours ago.

“Boss, Liu Shan Men has really killed it this time. You received a handsome sum from His Majesty, so we can expand our headquarters and recruit new members. I have been promoted to Earl, so, if nothing else, I should have enough influence to draw a crowd. Man, we are going to be superstars by the time we return.”

“Uhm. The majority of the credit belongs to you. While others may be oblivious to your contributions, I won’t forget. Feizhen, thank you. I’ll be sure to reward you once I’m better.”

Seeing the charm of Boss being meek, I had to change the topic before I lost my mind. “Hahaha, what are you going to reward me?”

“That’ll depend on what you want.”

“I don’t have any grand ambitions or special requests. All I have is I have enough pork shoulders for life, a wife and a chubby kid.”

The mention of a kid reminded Boss of the embarrassing conversation in the afternoon.

I frantically waved my hands. “No, no, I wasn’t asking you to provide me with a kid! That was just them spouting nonsense in the afternoon. Don’t take it to heart. You’re still young; it’s not time for you to have children yet…”

I never thought anyone’s face could go that red until today.

Biting on her bottom lip, Boss Shen responded, “… My mother gave birth to me when she was only seventeen.”

Boss is nearly twenty. Is she saying…

“D-do you want to try going through the trouble?”

Although her face was still seared, Boss no longer felt awkward. “Can’t have a single conversation where you don’t go off the rails, can you?” She poked me on the forehead. “That’s it for jokes. Now for a serious topic.”

“Yes, Ma’am. We were just talking about expanding.” Rubbing my chin, I opined, “Seeing as we now have funds, we should recruit more members.”

“Don’t forget about the group of Nanjiang youths you recruited. We can choose those with potential for martial arts training and the right mindset to come with us to the capital. I have a plan for the others.” Boss leaned in to whisper her plan.

“Hmm… That is a sound plan. I’m sure His Majesty will approve once we comb through the details.”

Trivia

Are you troubled because they are indifferent to your feelings – This is taken out of the poem “Butterfly Loves the Flower” (not an official translation) by Su Shi (Poet from the Song Dynasty). I’ve modified it a tad to make it fit the context. A more faithful translation, which is the context that the poem was written in, is, “I am troubled because she is indifferent to my feelings.” In the chapter, Lian Zhuiyue is using it sarcastically to ask if Ming Feizhen has justified reasons for not keeping it in his pants.

Chubby children – Chubbiness is associated with having an abundance of food – by extension, money – so having a chubby kid is also a sign of being well off.