Martial King's Retired Life

I just sat there with my nerves frayed to the quick. It was Boss Shen who stepped in the way when Tianhu tried to apprehend me, asserting, “Ming Feizhen is my subordinate. You want to lay your hands on him? Over my dead body.”

“Nobody will be swinging any weapons in my presence! Yiren, stand down,” Emperor Yuansheng decreed.

Boss Shen stepped down whilst dragging me along.

Emperor Yuansheng watched on for a while before saying, “Tianhu is supervising the pugilistic world under my orders. Given all the events that have taken place over the last year, we will feel uneasy unless we get to the bottom of them. I shall not mince my words: Earl Ming, you make me question you in many ways. I can only trust you if you cooperate with Tianhu.”

“Your Majesty, he accompanied you south to find me, pacified Nieyao and played a pivotal role in the eradication of the dragon’s son. How can you suspect a vassal who has done so much for us?”

“Yiren… it is precisely because of his contributions and my hopes for him that we need to check. Else, how can we trust him with important tasks? Earl Ming, should you refuse to cooperate, I shan’t force you. In saying that, I have made it clear that I cannot overlook my suspicions, so I will continue my investigations until otherwise.

The battle in Nieyao only served to increase His Majesty’s suspicions. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have sent Dugu after me. Although Hong Jiu managed to sabotage the plan, it only made His Majesty even more suspicious.

Emperor Yuansheng had met plenty of top-level adepts in his lifetime to know what sort of people they are. How much overlap I had with that image he had was something I wouldn’t be able to determine. Nonetheless, if he didn’t trust me to some extent, he wouldn’t have had any reservations.

I didn’t need to pretend to be illiterate at martial arts. There was nothing odd about Mount Daluo’s successor being trained. Given Mount Daluo’s reputation, I could come up with an excuse on the spot to escape interrogation on that front. The problem was, that wasn’t the end of it – he wouldn’t be satisfied with just, “Ming Feizhen is a martial artist.” He would dig up my level, my origins and so on. In order to get to the bottom of those things, it would no longer be just Tianhu trying to dig up my profiles. Before it reached the point where he was willing to “trust me with important tasks”, there would be wanted posters for me plastered all over the country. Emperor Yuansheng wasn’t Boss Shen; he wasn’t going to say, “I’ll wait until you’re willing to open up.” Just take a look at Tianhu, and you won’t doubt me.

“You serious about washing my hair?” I turned to Tianhu.

Tianhu confidently deployed a nod.

“… I’m not against it.”

I squeezed Boss Shen’s shaking hand to reassure her and spat out the green foxtail in my mouth. “However, Your Majesty, Ming Feizhen is not someone will just take everything lying down. Sir Tianhu demands to wash your subject’s hair without any sound proof. Your subject must acquiesce to prove his innocence. Howbeit, your subject has a request.”

“Speak your mind.”

I bowed. “Should we establish that your subject is wrongly accused, please wash Sir Tianhu’s hair with manure!”

Emperor Yuansheng seized his mouth and nose as he reactively gasped. “Tianhu, what do you say?”

Tianhu’s upwardly curved lips didn’t budge. “A man of integrity fears naught. How can we waste Earl Ming’s courage? Have it your way. Men, bring filled up basins. I’m going to unravel this demon’s true appearance.”

Tianhu’s subordinates came back with a big basin of hot water in addition to a long bench in no time at all.

Eyes on the basin of water, I questioned, “… You sure about this?”

“Very.”

“No dissuading you?”

“No chance.”

“Not afraid you’re wrong?”

“Keep dithering and I’ll force your head in.” Tianhu held up his sleeve. “Sit.”

I saluted Tianhu and said, “Thanks.” I sat down and undid my hair, letting it fall into the basin of hot water.

Tianhu giddily crept up behind me, then leisurely ran his hand through my wet hair. Given his skill, it wasn’t surprising if he could squeeze out my hair dye. He confidently continued wringing out black hair dye until he had a basin of jet-black water, but my hair remained black.

While everyone was relieved, Tianhu hadn’t given up nor had his confidence shaken. “You think I don’t know you mixed in other stuff? I obtained a vial just for this occasion. It’ll remove any dye upon contact.” Tianhu rubbed the formula into my hair forthwith.

“Hey, you done yet?” Boss Shen kicked over the basin of water whilst gripping her sword hilt in her left hand.

Tianhu gently nudged Shen Yiren back with a small elbow, winding her immediately. “Stay put,” he demanded as he continued grabbing my hair, squeezing, stretching, smothering on his formula, soaking, rinse and repeat. He then had someone fetch new water to rinse the bubbles off my hair.

The golden rays coming into the room illuminated my jet-black hair that would enamour any girl.

“Impossible!” Tianhu jumped to his feet. “Wh-what dye did you use?!”

I sat up, then flicked my wet hair: “I was born with this luscious, jet-black hair. The hair dye is just to accentuate its beauty. Sir Tianhu, you are too paranoid for your own good.”

Tianhu seized my hair, flipping, stroking and tugging to make sure there was nothing else in my hair, all whilst mumbling under his breath, “Impossible, impossible…”

Emperor Yuansheng exhaled one long breath. “Fantastic! Now that Earl Ming’s name has been cleared, henceforward, you c-”

“Your Majesty, are we really going to stop here?”

“What do you mean, Earl Ming?”

“Wash his hair with manure!”

Emperor Yuansheng used his handkerchief to wipe the silver beads on his forehead. “You see: you are both people held in h-”

“Wash his hair with manure!”

“Earl Ming, we don’t have to go that far, do we?”

“How come? Your subject only ever wished to lead an honest, humble life, never asking for riches, never asking for rank, never asking for glory and never asking to be a failure. You promoted your subject despite him being too handsome, too suave, too kind, t-”

“Get to the point. Also, stop plagiarising positive character descriptions for yourself.”

“Yes, Your Majesty. Your subject has always been faithful to you and Vice-Captain Shen. Never in his wildest imaginations did he think Tardhu would disregard you to wash your subject’s hair, steal his money and shamelessly consign him to treason. Your subject opposed him, resulting in him giving beating your subject painf-”

“Stop, stop, stop, stop. You can practice you recital in your own time. I understand. Tianhu, you were too rash. Earl Ming is now an earl. Apologise to him for your recklessness.”

I wagged my hand. “No, no, no, your subject does not need or want an apology. Your subject wants him to wash his hair with manure.”

The two eyes sitting on Tianhu’s stiff visage glowed red. “… You can fool anyone but me. I know you are strong. Even though I found you when you were badly injured, you were able to avoid my qi detection. Nevertheless, you won’t be so lucky today. I won’t fall for your glib tongue and tricks. I only believe the dead. If you refuse to reveal your true skill, you can die here and now.”

A scarlet waterfall splashed onto the ground as I involuntarily rose into the ether. I ended up in as bad shape as the beam I snapped on the way up.

Shen Yiren aimed a thrust at Tianhu’s heart, but he dodged, not that it stopped her from trying another merciless attack. Tianhu performed a circle with his left hand, generating a qi whirlwind to dissipate the forward force, then stopped the thrust in between two fingers. Shen Yiren gave up on trying to wrest her sword out, letting go so that she could ram her fist into his face – flush.

“Save him first!” Emperor Yuansheng’s voice ceased the scuffle between the two.

I don’t know how much time passed when I smelt Boss Shen. “B-Boss…?”

“Feizhen, Feizhen, how are you feeling?”

I hurled blood again and again. My vision was foggy, and my body was immobilised. According to Boss Shen’s knowledge, I shouldn’t have been hurt so bad even if I couldn’t beat Tianhu. Even if I was acting, there was no need to take his attack without nullifying any of the force.

“Why… Don’t tell me…”

“Don’t look like that… It’s not your problem.” I could vaguely see Boss Shen’s forlorn expression.

“How long have you been in this state? Was it after…”

“Yeah… ever since I woke up.”

Boss Shen squeezed my body in her arms. Without my answer, she still could’ve discerned that I had lost all of my combat skills.

Glossary

“… Also, stop plagiarising positive character descriptions for yourself.” – Ming Feizhen reworded lines out of “Romance of the Three Kingdoms”. If you know your RotTK, you probably have a good guess where in the story.