Martial King's Retired Life

So-called Shaman Monarch Palace was just a lonely palace – technically a cave – on the mountain apex. I couldn’t blame Ol’ Ge for resembling a ghost when he stayed in the cave all alone unless he was having a meeting with his important underlings.

Resembling a constable on patrol in my oversized robe and decked out with Forgiveness strapped to my belt, I checked out each residential place one by one – and there were a lot of them. The largest home was designed in correspondence with Nanjiang’s traditional style of small buildings, except this one was really expansive. The roofs and eaves had a bird emblem unlike all the other homes. The corrupt bugger had four bloody side yards outside and two buildings per yard; he even had musicians playing “A Moonlit Night on the Spring River” inside!

I thought life in backwater places was about aiming for a bull per three acres of land, a wife, children and peace. Your house is hundreds of times bigger than mine! That’s not to mention you have a music band!

“Y-Your Majesty, this is His Eminence’s home,” my assistant told me.

“I see.” I took one step back. “We’ll start with here, then.”

I kicked the door down as though it owed me money.

You think I give a toss if it’s his place?!

“His Majesty is here for inspection! Hands behind your head. Feet behind your bottom! Whoever resists will be arrested!”

The thirty-five female musicians flew into a state of panic. Seventeen of them were no older than sixteen; the oldest was nineteen, at most, yet they were all dressed in racy clothing that were practically tempting my eyes. I could plead ignorance if I didn’t know about them, but I couldn’t turn a blind eye to it now that I found out Gegewu was taking advantage of the young girls.

“Constable Hong!”

“Coming! Coming! Whoa!” Hong Jiu jogged over and voiced his displeasure candidly. “There are more girls here than at Wanhua Brothel.”

“Nonsense. There are way more girls at Wanhua Brothel! Business. Business.”

Hong Jiu had twenty girls go stand in the courtyard while the others stayed behind to speak to me.

I pulled out a seat for myself, then commenced the interview: “Where are you from? What are you here for?”

The confused girl gave me an answer I couldn’t understand whatsoever… I didn’t know they didn’t speak Mandarin.

Hong Jiu shuddered: “Mama mia, it’s like we’re back to the classroom on Mount Daluo!”

It took a while of searching for me to find three people who spoke Mandarin. Then, we started again.

“What are you here for?”

One of the girls started blushing on me: “My dad told me to… He wants us to wait on His Eminence…”

Making girls dress in clothes that are easy to wear on and strip, not to mention exposing so much skin so that he can conveniently molest them, what a scumbag… Speak of the scumbag.

It didn’t take long for Gegewu and his four subordinates to arrive from the time I picked up on his footsteps. From their brisk walk, it wasn’t hard to guess that my exploration wasn’t part of their predictions.

The shaking follower stuttered, “H-His Maj-”

“Your Majesty, you should not have trespassed. Your room is ready. You…”

“I like to explore. You have a problem with it?”

Gegewu crossed his arms: “This old one dares not. There is not a place in Xiacang Anxi you are forbidden from exploring, let alone Mount Wanyu. Are you happy with this old one’s house?”

“That’s what I thought. Ol’ Ge, should you really be taking advantage of young girls at your age? Look at this huge room.”

Gegewu stroked his smooth chin: “They volunteered.”

“Huh? Bullcrap. Forced to volunteer more like it!”

To my disbelief, the girl I interviewed raised her hand and went up on her toes: “It is true! This one volunteered! Dad told her His Eminence is the most exceptional man alive. He also said His Eminence can help our village survive the drought.”

“Really now?” I scoffed.

“Of course!” she fumed. “He said His Eminence is Shaman Monarch Palace’s most capable subordinate. He just needs to ask His Majesty Shaman Monarch, and His Majesty Shaman Monarch will be able to call forth rain.”

Gegewu and I exchanged a long stare prior to him giving me a cup-fist salute: “Your Majesty, their village is not receiving any rain. Please grant them some rain.”

You piece of dung! You must’ve been brainwashing these girls for some time! I only just arrived today! You’ve been duping girls out of their bodies and money, and all of sudden there’s a drought to solve?! Summon rain? The fook do I look like to you? Dragon King? If I can make it rain, I’ll zap you first, you poo on a stick!

Hearing I was the legendary “His Majesty”, reverence and anticipation pervaded the girl’s eyes as she cried out in Nanjiang’s language. All of the girls suddenly started blushing as their eyes on me glittered.

I don’t need you worship! I can’t make it rain even if you offer your souls!

A grin crept onto Gegewu’s face: “Your Majesty, you must exercise fairness.”

For this many of them?! You’d drown villages! You’re bitter I blackmailed you, aren’t you? It hasn’t even been a day, you bitter dictator!

“You need only put on a show. We will take care of the miracle. They are your believers. They will not defy you if you dote on them. In fact, if they become the apple of your eye, it is their blessing. If you like, you can choose one of them to serve you. They may look too young, but that is the best flavour. You can play with their warm places back in your room to verify it for yourself.”

“Shameless. Ridiculous.”

My admonishment wiped the smirk off Gegewu’s face: “Why are you reprimanding this old one?”

“She is a perfect girl. Anything less or more would ruin her perfection. You can tell at first glance that she’s a natural beauty. You assumed she hasn’t hit puberty based on your glimpse of her chest. Do you know that she could change entire in one month? How much you want to bet it’s just the clothing? How much you want to bet she has ample, soft, lustre assets?”

Gegewu: … He’s one of the four biggest perverts. He’s more professional than I am when it comes to this. I should take his word for it.

Me: Don’t give me that look! You don’t need the enlightenment! Come to think of it, where does all this knowledge of mine come from? … My three hundred and three thousand…

“In any event, I cannot let such unacceptable things happen under my watch. I shall take care of them from now.” Upon catching Gegewu’s four subordinates shooting glares my way, I raged, “What are you glaring at? Keeping glaring and I’ll take even his house. Still got a problem?”

“No, Your Majesty.”

That’s what I thought, noobs.

Hong Jiu whispered, “What are we going to do with all the pretty girls here, then, Leader?”

“Don’t waste them. To my room they go.”

Hong Jiu rubbed his cheeks: “You’re not worried Grandaunt or Miss Shen find out? If they find out…”

“Good point. Well, isn’t this quite the pickle? Call the twenty outside in so that I can soothe my nerves.”

“Bro, respect.”

“Bro, my foot! You know what happens if you don’t keep the secret?”

“Your Majesty,” Gegewu called. “Do you still want to continue your inspection?”

“… You need to speak to me?”

“This old one needs to delegate all the tasks he addressed before to you now that you have returned. This your most important duty.”

Just thinking of trying to comprehend Nanjiang’s squiggles induced a splitting headache. Thinking of making it rain made my body ache.

I whispered, “I’m only staying for three months. Why would you transfer those tasks to me?”

Gegewu feigned ignorance as he gave me an innocent smile: “Shall we head out now, Your Majesty?’

“… After you.”

Back in the throne room, Gegewu introduced his four subordinates to me: “These four are Iron, Wood, Poison and Fire Guardians. Iron Guardian is in charge of outbound and inbound contact in addition to intelligence. Wood Guardian handles internal supplies and buildings. Poison Guardian is responsible for training followers and interrogations. Fire Guardian is tasked with guard duty. When foreigners invade, the four of them are all assigned to assassination duty.”

Iron Guardian gave the impression that he was a tall man of few words. I wouldn’t be able to tell you who’d win between him and Hong Jiu. Wood Guardian was a pretty maiden, period. Poison Guardian might’ve been a midget and had a pale face due to using himself as a test subject for his poisons because I could detect the poisonous aura from him. Compared to his predecessor, Poison King, he was an amateur in the field. Fire Guardian’s red hair and single-handle broadsword befitted his young appearance.

Why does Wood Guardian keep staring at me…? Oh… I forgot I knocked her out with my shoe on the way up the mountain.