Martial King's Retired Life

“Your Majesty Shaman Monarch, this reunion certainly is surprising.”

I turned around to see Wanyu’s King. I could understand him celebrating after Gegewu’s downfall, yet he didn’t wear any emotion on his sleeves. Although he proved he had big ambitions – based on his actions – he always planned to include his people in a positive way.

I offered a cupped-fist salute. “Please forgive this one for taking your state’s sacred treasure without permission.”

“The treasure is still the same treasure. The people have benefited from this event. What can I fault you for? Moreover, you blessed us with miracles more than once, deposed of Shaman Monarch Palace, ended their corruption and exterminated the bandits within my borders. If anything, I owe you a thank you.”

“This one feels much better now.”

“Hohoho, the iron throne is located at the top of Mount Ling and guarded by my state’s top adept. I admire your abilities; there is no need to be so humble. Henceforth, should you need my aid, you need only say the word.”

“In that case, I do have two requests I would like to implore you to help with.”

“No.”

“The two are, huh?”

What happened to owing me a thank you?!

“Hohoho, be it three or four requests, I will help you with as many as you have.”

… You’re playing with fire, buddy. I thought you were a frail-scholar type because of your usual mannerisms, but you’re a jerk, huh?

“Firstly, this one is not Shaman Monarch. He is but a low-ranking civil officer in the employment of the Central Plain’s imperial court; he is undeserving of being addressed as ‘His Majesty’. If you do not mind the previous acts of deception, you can just call him Ming Feizhen. Additionally, please do not tell anyone how good I am at martial arts. Make me sound as weak as possible. That would be a huge help.”

Though puzzled, Wanyu’s King accepted.

“Secondly.”

“Did you not just list two?”

“Uh, well, uh, consider that one request. You can consider it three requests if you prefer. In any event, th-”

“Hohoho, I was just joking. You are too serious. Relax.”

Someone give me a stick. I’ll show this guy how constipation can be cured!

“In any event, please personally come here tomorrow. I have something of utmost importance to tell you. It is related to Nieyao.”

Wanyu’s King went back to his usual straight face. “And if I don’t come?”

You know what? Screw the stick. Give me a big broadsword! On his toe tag, just write, “Trolled himself!”

“I’ll be here on time tomorrow, hohoho. Men, bring the iron throne back with us, hohoho.”

… Is this payback for stealing your state treasure?!

All four monarchs I colluded with were ecstatic to hear Gegewu was finished. They all needed to hurry home, however, as their disappearances rendered their states in a state panic.

Qingqiu’s Queen deliberately took her time to let the other three go on ahead. She furtively walked closer to me, creating the impression she was resting her head on my chest. “I have done as you asked, and the thorn has been removed. I hope you honour your word.”

I kept my eyes trained forward. “In sixty days from now, the first envoy from Dayue will arrive north of Qingqiu. That is all I will say. Whether or not you can beat the other states to the punch to secure your position as Dayue’s primary business partner is on you.”

“If you ever visit Qingqiu, I promise to reciprocate the favour,” Tu Shan’e expressed with glimmering eyes.

“You may need to prepare several styles, then, because I am born shameless.”

Tu Shan’e broke the “Ice Queen” image she was known for with a giggle. “I will miss these days when I return home. I enjoy conversations with you. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a laugh.”

“You make it sound as though we have been chatting under the moonlight every night when we never have. If people hear this, my reputation will take a hit.”

Tu Shan’e looked at me for a rather long while. “I think we will have the opportunity in future.”

As Tu Shan’e headed off with her vassals, I could hear one of her senior vassals express, “Your Majesty, you have not fallen for that average-height kid just because he looks cool, have you? You cannot fall for him.” I’m sure that was what he said when translated to Mandarin. Well, I was sure until he spat back my way.

I never really paid any attention to Qingqiu’s Queen, but, now that I did, Ah Neath could really learn from her. “Tsk, tsk, what do they say? Uh… She walks in beauty like the night of cloudless and starry skies. I’m genius. What a poem. Profound, strong, refined, ideal and, as with all poems, enough to be confound-, ow! Take your hand off my ear, you son of a…” I cut myself off when I discerned who the fingers belonged to.

“What poem? What to share with me?”

“Nothing, I was just randomly mumbling.”

“About what? Sounds like a love poem. I heard something about beauty and starry skies.” Young Shiyi peered into the distance. “Oh, the chick from Qingqiu is pretty. They say there are foxes in Qingqiu, lots of which are females. I wonder how she’s evaluated.”

“She’s meh. People reckon she’s pretty. I say ‘pretty’ must mean ‘dung’ if that’s true.”

“Really? Am I pretty?”

I nodded profusely: “Absolutely.”

Young Shiyi wrenched my ear: “Wow, so I’m dung?!”

Why are you the one coming after me?!

I nodded profusely again: “Yes, but I love dung.”

Young Shiyi suddenly resembled a drunken woman.