Martial King's Retired Life

In Beijiang and the Central Plain, a white skin tone was so strongly associated with beauty that we said, “A white skin tone is powerful enough to hide seven faults.” In addition, owing to the propagated idea that 30% of one’s beauty comes from their appearance, while 70% comes from their aura, a white skin tone was highly desirable for an eloquent aura.

In Nanjiang, despite many cities having foregone tribal lifestyles, women of Nanjiang didn’t subscribe to the notion that staying indoors was a virtue; they were the type to be out and about, bold and direct in love. Golden skin was in fashion. Women in Nanjiang didn’t need to dress fancy to be considered beautiful.

Wood Guardian fashioned short hair for an active lifestyle and a tan over her curvaceous body. Her unyielding gaze reminded me of the first time I met Heisina Duohua. I could tell she had quite the personality since Ol’ Ge’s “Don’t keep speaking facts” grin didn’t stop her from expressing disdain toward me.

So that we’re clear, I didn’t want to have to butt heads with her.

“What? Do I eat humans or something?” In response to Wood Guardian’s glare, I laughed. “You’re Wood Guardian.”

“I am.”

“What’s your real name?”

“… Mu Lian.”

“Oh… I have a gift for you to commemorate our first meeting. Come over.”

Mu Lian reluctantly heeded my order.

I pinched Mu Lian’s cheek and teased, “Quite the pretty one, huh?”

“You!” Mu Lian skedaddled back several steps and then drew her blade on me.

“That’s His Majesty’s plaudit for you. What are you doing?” Gegewu pretended to reproach.

Mu Lian looked away: “… Thank you for the compliment.”

Unlike her fiery temper, Mu Lian’s cheek was cool.

“Hey, call me,” I demanded.

Replying from behind her wall of white pearls, Mu Lian called, “… Your Majesty.”

“Kuku, good girl.”

“Your Eminence, I request permission to hack him!”

“Nonsense! If you want to, you need to wait a few months. It is beyond the pale to do so now!”

I had a problem with Gegewu’s response in every way possible, yet he blithely said to me, “Your Majesty, now that you have been introduced to our people, it is time to introduce you to your jobs.”

I ended up attending a lecture on Shaman Monarch Palace’s etymology, the religion’s stance as well as rules and regulations, such as how many people I need to accompany me to the latrine, to remember to praise the sun, always set an example et cetera. I arrived at night. He only finished once the sun was up. I was dozing off, yet he still had the vitality to whip his sleeve and ask, “… That is all. Do you have any other questions, Your Majesty?”

“… What did you just tell me?”

Gegewu took a moment of silence and then smiled again. “It appears this old one needs to repeat it from the top again.”

“Stop, stop, stop, I get it. I remember everything. You win. You done? Can I go to bed now?”

“Not yet. This old one still needs to inform you of your schedule over the coming days.”

“My schedule?”

I have a schedule when I haven’t even been here for a day?

“Don’t I just have to bless them and put on airs from here?”

“That is what mountain bandits do, not you.”

In spite of my visual threat, Ol’ Ge pretended it never happened. “Firstly, you need to visit the village at the strategic location to find out more about its status quo and to show your benevolence.”

I heard you haven’t left this mountain for decades. How come there’s a sudden inspection as soon as I arrive?!

“This old one swore to the Sun that, unless he ushers in the renaissance of our religion’s glory, he shall never set foot outside Mount Wanyu. Unlike this old one, you can go wherever you please.”

I’d like to go send you to hell! I didn’t go through all this trouble for this rubbish!

It was possible Gegewu realised that I needed the Shaman Monarch identity to achieve any of my goals, which meant that I needed an excuse to leave the mountain.

“… What am I supposed to do at the village?”

“Work a miracle! You are His Majesty Shaman Monarch, a man born with divine powers. His Majesty Shaman Monarch is omnipotent in legends. You can alter the weather, change the seasons, invigorate plants, teleport thousands of miles, supply vitality during droughts and more. Your mere presence motivates flowers to bloom in synchrony and withering entities to revive. Mountains and roads you have been on are forever verdant.”

“… And the toilet I use has brown moss?”

“Why not?! The mountains are your vassals. The earth is your citizen. The toilet is your servant. Ah, noble Shaman Monarch.”

The four guardians repeated, “Ah, noble Shaman Monarch!”

Since when did this become poetry class?!

Their stupid recital made me forget I was Shaman Monarch.

“Since this old one cannot leave, it has been a long time since someone has cast a miracle. If the people need, you must demonstrate your divine powers. You will be credited with a big merit when our religion’s glory is restored.”

Sounds good. But I need to be able to in the first place!

“Change the weather. Make flowers bloom in synchrony. Invigorate plants. What am I? Dragon King or Earth God?!”

Gegewu shook his head: “No one is asking you to make flowers bloom in synchrony. That is clearly a con. This old one shall send a professional with you.”

“Huh?”

“There is no such thing as divine miracles. If there were, then they would have only existed in the days of the first Shaman Monarch. Those who could create miracles after him have us to credit.”

“In short, it’s a sham?”

“Not at all. It is a necessary part of giving the people solace and to prevent them falling into darkness. We are staking our lives and reputations for this; you can see how sincere we are. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.”

“Nothing ventured, nothing gained? That’s a Buddhist phrase, you clown!”

“It is heartbreaking to hear you say that of this old one, Your Majesty. Since your moral compass does not allow you to perform acts of subterfuge, please abdicate.”

I could virtually hear Ol’ Ge goading me to leave, so I had to respond, “As you have gone so far, I have no choice but to go.”

Ol’ Ge’s disappointment only lasted a second before he switched back to being exuberantly guile. Hell, as if I believed the schedule was just any old schedule. All I could do was play it by ear.

I yawned: “All right, leave me now. I need some sleep.”

“What do you mean, Your Majesty?” Ol’ Ge pointed to the horizon. “If you do not prepare to leave now, you will be late.”

This shrewd cornhole must’ve deliberately kept yapping until the sun came up!