Martial King's Retired Life

“Allow this old one to have a word.” Liu Shan Men’s Accountant Fang cleared his throat.

Although Accountant Fang was lower in rank compared to Song Ou, because he had served Liu Shan Men since Boss’ grandpa’s time, he had a voice in the office.

Prior to opining, Accountant Fang glared daggers at me. “A subordinate who is at fault should be punished. Therefore, it is within reason for you to punish him as his superior, Captain Song.”

Song Ou gleefully clapped whilst remaining prostrated on the ground. “Your wisdom shines, Elder.”

“Having said that… it is better to not air your domestic affairs in public. After all… it does the office no favours.”

“Y-yes, you are right.” With it finally dawning on him how much he embarrassed himself, Song Ou hurried to his feet to dust himself off. Speaking through his sausage lips, he asked me, “Ming Feizhen, do you admit to your wrongs?”

“No,” I replied.

“Hmph. Elder, he refuses to listen.”

Account Fang could feel his head throbbing. “Disciplining members of the office can also wait to be done in private.” He kept blowing his beard as a sign to kick out outsiders. If his gaze could’ve assumed a physical form, Song Ou would’ve had holes in him.

Song Ou scratched his head. “We can’t. They are witnesses. We need them to testify that Ming Feizhen framed me for theft.”

“We believe in fairness and justice. If Ming Feizhen truly transgressed, you could question him in court officially. There is no need to settle the matter in private. You should send th-”

“Why didn’t I think of that?! Ming Feizhen, I’m going to finish you in court today!”

Accountant Fang placed his palm on his face, mumbling, “I’ve served three captains and thought I’d seen it all. How can anyone be this stupid?”

Song Ou was so busy celebrating in his own world that he didn’t hear the insult. “I’m going to start by finding the plaintiff.”

“Us! Us!” Lu Feiming enthused, throwing his hands into the air.

Li Muye looked to Lu Feiming as though he was looking at someone with a dead brain and, in a low voice, queried, “What do you want to sue him for?”

“He pinched the seal. Wasn’t the plan to retrieve it from him and then have Master Qi switch a fake one in while we take the real one?”

Li Muye muted himself.

Zhao Xin suddenly cried, “I’m suing him, too!”

Started, Li Muye frowned. “And what are you suing him for?”

“For…” Zhao Xin sneered, then furrowed his brows, then paused, then bit down on his lip. “For hitting me.” The man held his bruised face to start crying.

Li Muye: “…”

Song Ou: “Great, great, great! Everyone will have a chance! I’m suing him, too!”

The corners of Accountant Fang’s mouth underwent a spasm. As much as he would’ve preferred to refrain from speaking, he couldn’t help forcing a smile to ask, “Captain Song… you are Liu Shan Men’s captain. You should be the judge… How are you going to sue?”

“I… I…” Song Ou simpered. “I’ll complain to Yiren!”

And that was how three cases became one and how come I had to defend myself against three plaintiffs. Had it been under different circumstances, I would’ve just laid all three out and been done with it. My confidence derived from just two words – fast hands.

On the way to the courtroom, I constantly patted Hong Jiu’s head in disillusionment. Had he progressed faster in his training and reached Divine Realm already, I wouldn’t be in this predicament. Thirty years old and still couldn’t count on him. In response to my complaints, he repeated, “Sorry, sorry for lacking. If only I was half as smart as you, I wouldn’t be such a disappointment. Please enlighten me.”

Thanks to my duke rank, I didn’t have to be cuffed; however, I still had to deal with people on the streets staring and my colleagues watching my embarrassment. On the other hand, Song Ou got to sit in a chair and act smug about the whole situation whilst enjoying a pot of tea – not to mention he had the person closest to me interrogate me.

The constable waiting on Song Ou called, “Captain.”

Song Ou set his teacup down without moving his neck. “Hmm?”

“You have mud on your face.”

“… Hohoho.” Song Ou awkwardly wiped his left cheek whilst fronting with the best smile he could fake. “Tell me more discretely next time.”

“Understood.” The constable then whispered, “Captain.”

“What else?”

“It is on the right side.”

“…” Song Ou shunted the constable away, then, offering a cupped-fist salute, expressed, “Your Honour, what are we waiting for? Commence the inquisition already!”

I supinated my hands to show Boss I was powerless to do anything about it, while she smiled back to express “you trouble magnet”.

“In that case, I shall begin.” Boss slammed her gavel. “Start the inquisition!”

“Wei, wu,” the guards on both sides drawled whilst repetitively knocking on the ground in unison with their rods. “Good to see you, Brother Ming!”

“Good boys,” I replied.

Oh yeah, I don’t think I ever mentioned I trained the group at the courtroom.

Zhao Xin and Lu Feiming: “You run this courtroom, don’t you?!”

“I run this courtroom!” Song Oucried as he jumped to his feet. “Your Honour, please use your wisdom to judge this case. Ming Feizhen is marginalising people just because he thinks he can get away with anything now that he has a few merits next to his name. Yongheng Bank’s missing seal involves millions of gold. Insulting me is showing disregard for the imperial court. Young Master Zhao is the son of a general, yet Ming Feizhen assaulted him. Please serve justice.”

“Captain Song has made sound points. Defendant, announce yourself,” Boss Shen commanded.

“This one is Ming Feizhen.”

Boss Shen brought her gavel down fiercely. “How dare you steal, insult a government official and assault someone?! Step forward. I have words for you!”

“Right away, Your Honour.” I jogged up to Boss Shen’s desk.

Zhao Xin: “They’re going to blatantly do this back and forth in public? Where is justice?!”

Song Ou: “Have what words?! Get on with the case!”

Boss ignored them to give me a scowl. “What are you giggling and carrying on about?! What exactly happened? What are you doing instead of attending classes?”

“I don’t have the foggiest idea. I picked up a ‘Dog Kennel’ seal. They claim it’s Yongheng Bank’s seal. Next thing I knew, I ended up here.”

“No wonder why there were no clues on its whereabouts!”

“It is tragic for children to not receive education. Boss, please teach me to read and write. Pretty please?”

Boss struggled hard to stop herself laughing. “Dork.”

“Hey, hey, hey, hey! Hey!” Song Ou slammed his table. “What are you two flirting for?! Am I thin air to you?! Get me a new pot of tea. My throat is dry from all this yelling. Also, get on with the case!”