Martial King's Retired Life

You Didn't Get Drunk on Wine; You Got Drunk Yourself.

On my way back from Shuntian Prefecture this morning, I ran into a hawker on the side of the street.

"Square blocks. Glutinous white rice with red dates. Sweet osmanthus cakes, fresh osmanthus cakes right out of the oven."

There are lots of osmanthus in Nanjing, so osmanthus cakes sell really well in winter.

I went over and tried a piece. I frowned, "This isn't sweet. Give me a sweet one."

The vendor was a burly looking man. With a glum smile, he said, "Heh, Dear Customer, you think you can refund something you've eaten?"

I fumed, "Didn't you say you sell sweet osmanthus cakes?! This isn't sweet. Hurry up and give me a sweet one."

The burly man thundered, "My name is Tiantian, meaning 'sweet', and I made them, so they're sweet osmanthus cakes. Still refusing to pay, are you?!"

Furious, I kicked up him onto the tree without another word.

When the conman hung from the tree, he drooled and his eyes rolled back, making him resemble a retarded kid.

I never imagined that I'd be sporting a similar expression to him back then several hours later, which is this present moment.

"H-How about me?"

The air in the room instantly froze when Su Xiao asked that question. Not even a needle landing on the ground could be heard.

Su Xiao's pure-white face usually has a healthy red gleam to it. Right this moment, though, it was the red flush induced by alcohol. His cheeks were bright red underneath the candle light in my room. I had no idea what sort of answer he was looking for, but he had his melon-shaped face shamelessly down.

His slightly undone collar revealed his smooth and soft white skin underneath. Every line on his skin was clear. The candle light enveloped a part of his skin, making his beautiful skin look clearer, hence, comparable to white jade. I suddenly came to realise something while I was staring at him with a stupefied look.

'Su Xiao doesn't just have a pair of long and slender legs hidden in his pants, but his ass is perkier than a girl's. I have no idea how such a slender body has two thick buns, like that.'

I suddenly understood why Su Xiao's face was red. The temperature in the room seemed to rise. Even I felt my mouth was slightly dry, and I noticed my lower body heating up. There virtually seemed to be an invisible thread connecting Su Xiao and my emotions.

My eyes scanned Su Xiao's slender hips. My breathing sped up and got heavier.

I wondered what Su Xiao would feel like if he was to shyly strip then slowly crawl on top of me as a kitten would. I wondered how the scent of orchids coming from his neck and mature snow-white slender virgin body that's burning would feel when he's fervently shaking his hips on top of a man. I wondered how it'd feel to have those two round snow-white ass cheeks smacking a man's hips when they're sweaty and he's panting.

I couldn't believe my hand furtively snuck over to try to grab Su Xiao's waist, while my other hand had an urge to audaciously pinch his white ass.

'Stop!!'

My thoughts scared the living daylights out of me. I quickly moulded energy to erase the sensual fantasy in my mind.

'What the heck was I thinking about just now?! He's Su Xiao!!'

'I have to admit that while I've seen many beauties in my life, I've rarely seen one on this level.'

'But he's a guy!'

Maybe I had those thoughts, because Su Xiao rarely speaks to me in this manner, on top of suddenly mentioning the relationships between a man and a woman.

Perhaps it was because I've been resting at home all this time and have accumulated too much vigour, yet had nowhere to unleash it.

'I think it's time for me to venture into the forest for a while to visit the jungle of ladies.'

Consequently, my only choice was… to try my best to imitate the expression of the hawker from this morning. I distorted my facial features, opened my mouth in a crooked manner and left some drool at the corner of my mouth. Oh, I also rolled my eyes back to look as though I couldn't speak.

Seeing my look that resembled a retard, Su Xiao panicked.

"Big Brother Ming! Eh?! Wh-What's the matter? Are you sick?!" Su Xiao quickly touched my face and then neck with his small white hands. His hands smelt nice, they were smooth and soft. It felt insanely good when he touched me. My thinking became amorous when I looked at Su Xiao's gaze… I scanned his snow-white neck, all the way down to his slender waist and imagined…

'Imagined nothing! Am I a creep?!!'

'What the hell is wrong with me?! Why did I begin meditating when he merely touched me?!'

Su Xiao thoughtlessly and randomly touched me everywhere for a while, but he's never learnt medicine. He can't solve anything just by getting anxious. Surprised, he exclaimed, "Big Brother Ming! You must've caught a cold from eating something dirty!"

'You're the one who ate something dirty! I'm putting on this act to dodge your question, okay? Learn to back off! Hey! Hey! Hey! What the hell are you hugging me for?! Hey, lass, you better keep your distance from me, or I'm going to push you down!'

Su Xiao ignored the taboo of men being touchy with each other to hug me with one arm. I noticed a trail of tears course down his face, so I was reluctant to push him away.

'But, why does he feel so soft?! My sabre, calm down, boy! I didn't tell you to unsheathe yourself!'

Su Xiao looked at me. He sympathetically murmured, "I can't leave you in this state. I'm going to go call a doctor."

I let out a sigh of relief.

'Yeah, yeah, yeah, hurry up and go.'

Su Xiao's eyes were slightly red, but his firm resolved shined in his eyes.

"I'll wake up all the doctors even if I have to. Actually, I'll kidnap the Imperial Doctor if I must."

Su Xiao took in a deep breath. Su Xiao then grabbed my sabre, fuck, I mean, his sabre, I mean, his Ancient Cold Sabre…

Su Xiao lost control of his emotions. He resembled a Persian cat with all its hairs standing up. He exclaimed, "I'll cut down whoever dares to stop me!!"

He then furiously stormed out of the door.

'Hey! Hey! Hey! Violent Beautiful Young Girl, stop there! The Imperial Guards will skin you if you barge into the Imperial Palace at this hour with a sabre! You think you're me?!'

I hurried to my feet and shouted, "Hey! Don't be so impulsive! Get back here! I'm fine!"

Su Xiao, who had just begun to run off, turned his head around. My crooked mouth and eyes appearance was gone. I returned to normal.

"B-But just before, you…"

Su Xiao wore a dumfounded look as if he was drunk. He looked at me with an intoxicated gaze and a look that indicated he couldn't distinguish between true and false.

I didn't give him any more nonsense. I just scratched my face and explained, "I was… just tricking you just now. I'm not sick and I don't have a cold. I was just cracking a joke…"

"…"

"I didn't know how to answer your sudden question, so I just…"

Su Xiao still didn't speak. His gaze didn't seem focused on anything. He was probably looking in my direction, but I can't say for certain where on me. The atmosphere remained awkward, though.

"S-Say something!"

'If you don't speak, won't I look as if I'm a mentally demented and talking to myself?!'

Su Xiao stood at the entrance with a blank look with his sabre in his hand, man, fuck me, his Ancient Cold Sabre. He looked at me with a dramatic look as if we were on stage. His tears gradually formed in his eyes.

After a sudden clang, a clear and refreshing scent came over to me. Su Xiao threw himself into my arms. Similar a child throwing a tantrum, he hammered my chest with his small fists. However, he seemed to be afraid he'd hurt me, so he remembered to hold back.

Glossary

*甜（tian）= Sweet. It's a pun there. I tried to incorporate it into the text.

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