My Pick Up Artist System

Ben lied next to a half-unconscious Katie, whose head hung off the bed, when he heard the creak of the door opening.

Fariq's voice emerged. "Yes, I would like a large pepperoni…"

…

Knowing he'd enter the room in a few seconds, Ben glanced down at his own exposed pepperoni…

With little time, he only managed to throw his duvet over himself and Katie's sensitive areas before his roommate walked in…

Stepping into a p.o.r.n film in post-production...Fariq froze with the phone still on his ear…observing the unresponsive girl half-off the bed…

Ben wore a calm expression like there was nothing to see here…

"Sir…would you like anything else?" the voice on the phone asked.

Fariq blinked. "Hold on a second… Ben, should I ask for an ambulance? …Is she dead?"

…

Ben raised an eyebrow. "Maybe just a little inside…"

…

Seeing the look of concern on his roomie's face, Ben clarified. "Her body is fine… Is that Domino's again?"

When Fariq nodded, Ben narrowed his eyes. 'I need to watch him…the pizza empire might've sent him as a double-agent to weed out us rebels…'

However, when Ben looked at Fariq's innocent expression, he decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. 'I really don't want to play that story out. The last Star Wars trilogy sucked bad enough…'

He also didn't desire more shitquels...

With that "handled," Ben glanced at Katie. Her state would've worried him if he couldn't see her breathing, because she still lied there unmoving, having been f*cked into a living death…

***

As Fariq was spraying body spray all over the dorm room…Ben was walking Katie home. She was fine now; recovered, renewed, and rehabilitated...

Before they left, she begged him for a souvenir from his room. She wanted something to remember this event of losing her v.i.r.g.i.nity. He thought she was kidding at first, but soon learned she refused to leave without one, as she stomped her feet like a cute brat…

Ben wanted to appease this beauty but was at a loss for what to give her, until he saw something lying under his chair. Grabbing it, he realized it was a small piece of wood. To be specific, it was a piece of his desk, a corner which he broke off when he rampaged the last night of his previous death mission…

To his surprise, Katie grabbed it from his hands, smiling in satisfaction…

This result also pleased Ben. 'Looks like I'll never have to spend much money on presents…' Beluga warned him that not spending on girls was the key to a healthy financial future…

Now, as they walked with her leaning into him, her arm looping around his, she still kept that desk corner in her coat's inner pocket, near her heart…

Meanwhile, another matter troubled him. "You said you're 100% American? Are you sure? Not even 1/8 Cherokee?"

…

What concerned Ben was that he wouldn't be able to fish for a new flag. When Katie soon confirmed her ethnicity, he sighed, but he couldn't do anything about it, because he wasn't willing to invest in a 23andme...

However, it didn't upset him because this result was inevitable. The USA was full of American girls after all.

As they continued their stroll, Ben noticed Katie keep rubbing her belly, glancing at it from time to time… He understood what worried her. "Don't worry. You won't get pregnant…"

She blinked. "I won't?"

Ben nodded with conviction. "I practice the ancient Jojo technique of Sendo to control my s.p.e.r.m's power with ripples…"

…

"Really?" Katie was doubtful.

He looked into her eyes. "Not exactly…but like that show's first season, although it's full of plot holes and doesn't make sense…just pretend it does and enjoy it like everyone else…"

…

"Or at least the memes…" he elaborated.

…

"Seriously though, you won't get pregnant…"

"Okay…" Katie looked away, as he failed to notice the sadness in her eyes…

After gazing into the distance for a while, she glanced back at Ben. "Do you...like kids?"

He pondered it a while. "I like them, platonically, not at the level of being in Epstein's book…"

Katie hugged his arm tighter. "Do you...want kids?"

Ben was silent a while before answering. "Well…I don't know. I'm just too young. I haven't thought about it…"

Katie bit her thick lower lip. "Have you...thought about marriage?"

…

Ben's eyes became as large as magnifying glasses. He stared at her as his body inched away by instinct. "Well, I've heard of it…"

…

Her big bright eyes shimmered. "Have you ever been in love?"

…

Ben held his breath. 'I don't want to be a millionaire. Can I just take my meager winnings and refuse to answer the new question?'

Yet, he soon remembered he'd saved a lifeline. Wanting to be sincere with Katie, Ben answered with the truth. "Of course..."

Her heart trembled, then he continued. "I've been in love with myself for a while now..."

…

Katie couldn't help but giggle, easing the tense atmosphere. Ben found her line of questioning unusual though, and checked her system statuses to see if there was something going on.

[Target's current attraction level: fangirl(+1)]

[Target's current comfort level: soulmate(+1)]

Ben's eyebrows raised. He wasn't expecting this. It was the first time he'd reached these levels, the highest ones possible. This didn't happen after having s.e.x with Penelope, and not even Annabelle although he also took her v.i.r.g.i.nity. Yet, the next thing shocked him even more.

[Target's current love level: Infatuated]

[User has unlocked Favorability sub-system: Love]

…

Ben's jaw dropped, taking several moments to recover. He reread the new info, also spotting that the system added a note; Infatuated was the middle rating, and as long as love stayed there or higher, the other two statuses wouldn't decay.

As he pondered the situation, with complicated emotions swirling inside of him, they'd reached Katie's townhouse. He didn't break out of his trance until she jumped into his embrace…wrapping her arms around him and squeezing tight…

She looked up at him with big, vulnerable eyes. "Can't we go back? I want to sleep over with you…"

Having recovered from his thoughts, Ben sighed. "Your parents would worry. You should go home. Besides, Fariq is there, and my bed is too small for two people…to sleep in anyway…"

Her face fell in disappointment. "Then, will you call me tomorrow?"

"Of course…"

"You promise?"

"I promise…"

"Then, do you also promise to not look at any 2-D girls?"

…

Ben's face became solemn. "The most I can promise is to avoid 1-D…"

Katie glanced at his chest as she played with the buttons on his jacket. "If you promise to not look at 2D girls, then, whenever you want, I'll suck your D…"

"2D girls are overrated! I only need a real girl like you! You've got yourself a goddamn deal!"

…

As Ben forced her to shake hands before she took the offer back…his thoughts were spinning. Once you throw away the Otaku bible once...it's even easier the second time... Hail Lucifer!

Katie giggled at his response, then gave him a passionate kiss. Yet, when it was time to leave, the thought of having to separate troubled her, making it hard to release him…

Her lips quivered and she buried her head in Ben's chest, staying there for several minutes without moving… He also didn't want to let go, of the handful of booty he held…

All-ass…they had to part…

A while later, after some convincing, she took slow steps towards the door of her home. Every couple of seconds, she would glance back at him, her big wet eyes showing a look of unwillingness...

However, her eyes soon expanded even larger...because Ben disappeared. It was then that her father opened their door, letting a confused Katie inside.

Meanwhile, Ben was hiding behind a nearby tree…having exhibited his deep learnings during his short stint as Batman...

Except, unlike the Dark Knight, Ben didn't vanish for purely d*ckish reasons...

…

The true motive of this two-girls-one-caped crusader...

Was not wanting to see the father of the girl he just nutted in…

...

As Ben turned to walk home, he thought about his main girlfriend, his bottom b*tch…the tsundere system. Although he couldn't creampie her, she provided her own massive benefits—points! And during the brief moments when he opened his notifications, he saw a long list of those delicacies waiting for him to spend... Thinking of them, he started jogging back to his dorm like a fool, in a hurry to open his Jizzmas presents…

As Ben daydreamed of achievements and epic loot, Katie went to bed and fell into her own dreams, all while hugging tight to a broken wooden desk corner…