My Servant Is An Elf Knight From Another World

Pick And Choose

It was a little while later that we finally hopped off the bus. Watched it leave us in the trail of black smog. Bid farewell to its rickety seat and for its kind demonstration of inertia and its effect on the frail human physique.

Went green face in the face as a result of it and had to take a breather to collect myself. Thank God for stop signs and their rusted metal beams.

Always a 50/50 chance to either end up fine after a dollar fifty-sen roller-coaster ride to town, or to feel as if the ground was rising and you’re about to tumble.

With Ash, I had the good 50. With Ria, it was the latter. Pretty sure someone was trying to tell me something here. The numbers don’t lie.

And of course, couldn’t even have a peaceful moment to myself before Ria started up again with her antics. This time, said antic laid limp at the palm of her hand stretched out before me in offer.

Smelled it before I even saw it, and like a dog to good hygiene, it had my nose wrinkling and my head recoiling back.

“Seriously?” I asked in disbelief.

“Very much,” She replied, shoving it closer to my face until it was the only thing in sight. “It wounds me that you would just leave this behind like that without even putting it on once.”

.....

“I left it behind because it reeks to high heaven.”

“It’s just cologne, O’ great and powerful picky one,” Ria said, folding her arms and drawing away temporarily from assaulting my senses any further. “I didn’t get you a skunk in a bottle.”

“I hate cologne.”

“I’m starting to think you just hate being attractive overall,” She deadpanned. “C’mon, I’m still being nice good detective Ria over here. Don’t bring out the bad unpleasant detective, she hasn’t had her afternoon coffee yet and she can get pretty cranky, I’ll tell you that.”

Ria waggled the small glass bottle between my eyes again. Don’t know what she was expecting, was she hoping I’d get hypnotized by the sway of the fluid inside of it or something?

If she was, then, congratulations, now I’m even more reluctant to put it on… having to bear watching it swing from left to right had me fighting down the afternoon’s pancakes from defying gravity and scaling up my throat.

Adalia, sadly, proved of no help to my plight. Looked around only to find her standing off into the distance, observing us silently with little interest like a bored cat lazily awaiting for the next mildly interesting thing to wander past her way and catch her attention, if only for a little while.

Ah, screw it. I rather smell like 40-year-old men in suits than to have the bitter aftertaste of bile constantly at the back of my mouth.

So after a brief wonder of life’s grievances and its insistence of inflicting pain upon me, I swiped the bottle from the devil’s clutches, twisted loose the cap, and felt a sprinkle and a splash of freezing cold lash out mercilessly at the surface of my throat.

This, and all under her watch, gazing at me with such a satisfied expression as I handed the cologne back to her, smelling like I just grounded fifty different flowers with fifty different types of spices together.

People like this smell?

“Now, according to the cashier from the gift shop, after putting that on, the next girl that turns your way would turn out to be – ”

“The girl of your dreams,” I interjected, sighing, and beginning to walk. “Not my first rodeo with soap operas. I know how it goes.”

I can only thank my lucky stars that the rest of the journey down to the nearest clothing outlet consisted of nothing but downtime where I could just relax and take in the chilly air. Experienced enough of Ria’s spontaneity in one day to last me a couple of weeks at the least.

Then once we made our way into the store, there came even more questioning stares and raised eyebrows in our direction. Took only one shifty glance from the employee by the counter for me to get the message.

‘Gonna need to keep an eye out for this lot here, definitely.’

It’s not like I can blame them either, we were like the start of a bad joke here.

So a Human, a Phoenix, and a Vampire walked into a clothing store, and then the phoenix said to the employee – “Where’s your ‘I’m in desperate need of good clothes for a date’ section in this place?”

There wasn’t even a punchline. That’s how bad it was.

The poor employee could only blink back his bewilderment, pointing a dubious finger towards the left-wing of the building.

“Thanks a bunch,” The Phoenix smiled and winked.

And so the joke trio scampered on deeper into the building, leaving in their wake, a long line of unsuspecting customers stopping dead in their tracks to simply marvel and watch as a beacon of smoldering brightness wandered past them.

Seriously, I’m actually quite surprised at just how far these people can stretch and suspend their disbelief, simply moving on with their day like they didn’t just see glowing embers fluttering out of that humming girl’s hair.

Normal is what normal does, huh? Guess Ria really was on to something there.

“Ooo, I like this one,” Ria said, taking in pairs of twos a bundle of clothes from the rack. ????????????re????????. ????o????

Seeing so many coat hangers hooked to all ten of her fingers made for a rather bizarre sight. Not even my sister was this much of a fanatic.

“So many?” I asked.

She frowned at that. “This is many?”

Didn’t like the sound of that.

And so begins my involuntary duty as her begrudging mule. The next ten minutes involved me being dragged along with her every whim by the reins, the stacks of shirts she flung into my hands piling up high by the seconds.

“This one looks nice too.”

At this point, everything in the store looked nice to her. Pretty soon, I’m going to end up having the entire building in my hands, and still she wouldn’t be satisfied with her selections.

“Hey, probably should have asked this earlier but do you think you’ll go better wearing light black or dark gray?”

I have a feeling that question was directed at me, sadly can’t really tell nor see if that was the case because Mount Clothing piled up high enough that my eyes weren’t even able to see past it anymore.

Light black or dark gray, what the hell?

“Aren’t they just the same thing?” I asked, my voice muffled by the gigantic heap of fabric.

“No, dummy,” I heard her say like I just got my ABCs wrong. “They’re completely different colors. Are you colorblind?”

No, just blind actually. All thanks to your lack of impulse control.

Now, you must be wondering where on Earth was Adalia in the midst of all this. Well, I could ask the same question, hadn’t a clue where the hell she wandered off to, not until I inadvertently bumped into her and the small cushion she was sitting on in the middle of the aisle.

Think I might have elbowed her actually if the slight swelling sensation on my elbow was anything to go by. Whoops.

“Shit, my bad, Adalia,” I said, craning my head around the pile in my hands to look at her. “Didn’t see you there.”

I’m starting to get the feeling that Adalia was made of stone or something. She didn’t even blink, nor was she even fazed one bit, her misty eyes set on rifling through the contents of a fashion magazine she held in her grasp.

Guess someone found a way to pass the time.

“Black… is better…” She muttered, not looking up from the page.

“What?”

“Wear… black…” Adalia elaborated. “Ash always wears white… opposite colors… you’ll look nice… together.”

“Ah,” I nodded my head. “I’ll keep that in mind, then. Thanks.”

“Ria is waiting… for you…”

Didn’t know how she knew that without even drawing her eyes away from the magazine, but hey, Matriarchs… what do I know what they’re capable of?

“I don’t suppose you know where she’s at right now?”

Omniscient was the only possible explanation I could think of for how she was able to point me in the right direction right then, her finger raised towards the direction of the fitting room with absolute certainty.

“Thanks,” I smiled at her.

“Avoid… skinny jeans…” she muttered as I waltz by her. “Not for you…”

“Noted.”

After a bit of navigating the narrow walkways, and tripping twice on a mannequin’s feet, I finally managed to make my way over to Ria, who for her part looked rather unimpressed with my attempt at punctuality, impatiently tapping her boot on the ground as if she was doing a one-legged tap dance.

“So you wanna go with gray or black?”

“Black,” said I at once, laying down the colossal heap accumulated on the nearest bench in sight. “Favourite color.”

“Awesome, was thinking that too,” she said, swinging open the door to a tightly compact room, bowing her head with a curtsy, saying, “Now, if your Majesty would so kindly let himself into the fitting room, we can finally get started.”

Swiped a set from the pile, hung them over my arm, and step into the cramped space where then Ria promptly shut the door closed.

“You better brace yourself there, buddy,” Ria called out from outside. “You got a lot of outfits to look forward to.”

“You’re picking out the next for me?” I asked, unbuckling my belt.

“Nope,” came her distant voice. “Adalia’s sorting through it now. I’m just here for the spectacle and the laughs. Don’t disappoint, alright?”

“Thought you were the one with the eye for fashion here?”

From that question emerged a hearty chuckle.

“Do you see a tailor’s hat on my head anywhere?” Ria giggled again. “Adalia’s your girl here. Cheer her on, yeah?”

I felt my long sigh pervade the open air all around me. This was going to be a long process, isn’t it? I just know it.

But when I took a glance in the mirror, I did not see any hint of frustration on that man’s face. It was quite the opposite, actually.

A smile reflected back at me.

It seemed despite the moaning and complaining and the ceaseless whining – that man there was genuinely having fun in their company.

Even if he didn’t want to admit it.