My Servant Is An Elf Knight From Another World



Should have known this was how it would have all ended up eventually.

This long-awaited reunion. This chance meeting of meager words, and even lesser time to be able to say them all.

And so here we were, perhaps the last time the three of us would ever be together, and in this very same moment, there was nothing poignant, nothing tearful, no heartfelt words that we'll carry with each other forever. 

Ria looked to me again, having heard all we had to say, eyes filled with the highest scorn, and spoke.

"You're a bonafide fucking horndog, aren't you, boy?"

Truly, this was shaping up to be a night to remember. 

Suffice it to say, Ria wasn't too receptive to my polyamorous antics. Right now, it was as if she was looking in the face of a total monster - an indescribable beast of testosterone. 

"I've been gone - what? A couple of months? A couple of months, right? Not decades?" Ria smushed her face deep, her cheeks bulging out between each finger slit. "Where's the goody-two-shoes too shy to make any sort of advances to the Elf? Who the hell's this playboy here wearing his skin? How the actual - ?!"

"It. Just. Happened," I repeated for the umpteenth time, my only defense, my sword and shield against her fiery ire. 

"Oh, don't you even with that - don't even start. Seriously, whoopsy-doo? I fell face-first into a harem of beautiful women. Gosh, I'm really such a klutz?" Ria paused, and in that time, gave the deadest, vapid face I've ever seen on her. "Well, shit, at least now I know you didn't smooth talk your way into getting one."

Meanwhile, Irene had long ago decided to just simply let Ria cry it out - get everything out of her system - sitting on the other end of the room, still waiting, hoping, that she'll finally speak her last.

Y'know, maybe it was naive and idiotic of me to have hoped for it, but I seriously did think that if anybody was gonna be alright seeing the curtains drawn behind the intricacies of my love life, then Ria would be the one taking the matter in stride and somehow also at my expense in the most Ria-like way possible.

Granted, this probably wasn't the best way for her to find out all about it, still though… 

Oh well, at least I'll always have Tyler cheering for me in my corner.

"The Elf's expected. Anyone just short of cataracts would have seen the two of you coming," Ria said, leaving scorch marks on the carpet with her restless back and forth. "That ditzy Matriarch. Adalia. Okay, surprising - but not entirely implausible either. I'm sure her sister is a joy to be around as well. Then there's this - who's this - what's what, Amanda, was it?" 

"Yes, that's her name," I affirmed. 

"Who and why is Amanda even a thing?" Regarding that question, Ria turned to Irene for answers. "A human? Like an actual normal human being from this realm - caught in the thick of things, knowing everything? Ooh, pretty irresponsible of you if you ask me, detective." 

"She had a big hand in helping us get rid of the Blight," Irene muttered, arms folded, with fingers impatiently tapping each elbow. "Capable of drawing a summoning circle better than most Magi. Faster too." 

"And along the way, your drawer couldn't help but also be drawn to Mr. Aphrodisiac here, hm?" Ria snapped back to me again. "So, what's the story there? Fell in love with her God-given talents, or let me guess - 'it just happened'?" 

"You know it." 

She shook her head, disbelief on a continuous rise, and seemingly unsatisfied with my answer, took off straight back into the kitchen in a determined march forward.

"Where are you going?" 

"To put a face to the name," Ria replied, rifling through the counter full of groceries and toppling most of them to make space. After that, her rustling search came to a stop, and Irene's laptop was flapped wide open. "Said she's famous online, right? My, what a snag you made. Tell me, you gonna stop there? Or do you have room for something more exciting maybe?" 

"You're inflating the whole thing," Irene said, as always, quick to try and diminish the fire. "Ria, honestly, this whole thing is not as big a deal as you might - " 

"And you!" Ria interrupted, wearing a scowl that'd fit right at home in the face of an admonishing mother. "Concubines and mistresses - how many times have you seen them in the arms of sleazy royalty? See them all neglected and discarded time after time. Is that seriously what you wanna be?" 

"I'm not," Irene said.

"She's not!" I shouted just a split-second after her. "Ria, I get your concerns. I get why you disapprove. But if you're gonna be that way about this whole thing, if you call her something like that again, then I'm done putting up with it - putting up with you." 

Everything was quiet between the three of us for a moment. Over the gleaming edge of the laptop screen, I watch Ria take a few distantly spaced blinks.

"Touched a nerve, huh?" then her gaze drifted slowly, landing back at Irene's. "Does he bark like that for everyone, or just you in particular?" 

"Well," Irene just gestured at her. "Would you care to find out?" 

If I had actual physical flames of my own, I guaranteed they'd be blazing right about now… and seemingly Ria could sense that about me too, immediately dropping her haughty tone. 

"Okay, perhaps that wasn't the best comparison to use," She said over the sound of clattering keys. "I just meant - well - I don't know what I meant. See, I'm more of a 'one-true-love' kind of woman… let's just say your way is a bit more ambitious than I'm usually accustomed to. Doesn't mean I'm disregarding it completely. If you think it works, if you really do care for each other like you say you do…"

"We do," I interjected.

"Then just do as you do, live as you live, love as you love. I'm good if you're all good," briefly she flicked back to Irene. "I just dearly hope you all know what you're doing with each other." 

"I can take care of myself," Irene said, looking affronted that she even has to insist on it. 

Ria just nodded back in silence, hunching closer toward the laptop, and gleaning all she could from its white glow, until eventually…

"Oh! I found her! Did I find her? Is this her?" 

She whirled the front of the laptop in our direction, but even if she didn't - by sound, by voice alone, I already knew all I needed to. On the screen, Amanda's New Year stream was still continuing strong.

There she was, a little square border on the bottom of her stream, sitting alone in her apartment, deeply engrossed in drawing an illustration for her viewers - what drawing though, I couldn't tell you - I was more focused on the white glint fastened around her finger.

"No games tonight?" Amanda said, plucking out a random question from her chat. "No, it's almost a new year. We're talking, we're hanging out - we're all going to be celebrating! Alright?" 

"So?" Ria jerked her head at me. "Is this your celebrity lover?" 

For some reason, I had a strong urge to deny. A gut feeling that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

"Yeah," I said, risking it anyway. "That's Amanda." 

Ria's jaw practically dislocated from her face. Her mouth was open wide, the corner of her lips shooting upwards in disbelief again. But the good kind, this time.

"No way!" She flipped the laptop back to herself, taking a longer, clearer, double glance. "She's so cute! Adorable! Innocent! Blonde! This is seriously her? Don't joke around, is she?"

And as if the timing couldn't have been any more perfect, Amanda chimed in once more through the speakers. 

"Why aren't you celebrating tonight with your boyfriend?" Amanda repeated another question. There was a long pause there, and faintly, only briefly, I could hear the discontent in her breath. "He's got more important matters to attend to at the moment. No, I won't elaborate. None of your business. Focus on the sketch! Anyone caught sniffing around is gonna get the redacted treatment, being serious here." 

Somehow, Ria's smile just kept getting wider.

"More important matters to tend to, huh?" She leered at me, placing a hand on her chest. "Oh, Mr. Promiscuous, I'm touched." 

Wasn't I Mr. Aphrodisiac just a while ago? 

"Irene, Irene, Irene…" Ria then gawked at the owner of that merrily ominous chant for a good long while, long enough to even perturb her. 

"What is it?" Irene said, loudly expelling a breath.

"Just saying now - between the Elf, Adalia, and now this Cutie Pie I'm drooling over for right here," Ria shook her head again. "You got some stiff competition, you know?" 

Irene remains expressionless, maybe a bit too much so. 

"I'm aware."

"I'd be worried. With girls like these… maybe being a Succubus won't cut it this time. You're gonna need to up your game a little more than just grumpy scowls and folded arms if you wanna stand a chance." 

"No, she doesn't," I said, flicking my eyes between the both of them. "It's not a competition. Never has been. None of them needs to ever - "

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, so says the ringleader of the harem. Whatever," Ria scoffed, rolling her eyes before setting them back onto Amanda's stream. 

And it was then I finally realized why I had that feeling of dread, of doom… as slowly, I saw Ria lay her fingers back atop the keyboard. 

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Ah, well, you know," she trailed off briefly, just as a clack resounded. "Only polite to introduce myself, right?"