QT: Against My Will

Chapter 18: 2.04 – Xuan Mu POV – Mr. and Mrs. Jelly

+— Author’s note —-+

Edited by Psycho S

Proofreaded by P.D Webb.

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The second time he met her, he was 13. They were playing the same game. She was still there and, surprisingly, she remembered him! How? He was only two years younger than her, but he didn’t try to overstep and pry into her, beyond her virtual life. She remembered him because she found his cautious side cute and funny. Despite them only knowing each other for five days, she thought they would have been good friends if she hadn’t disappeared.

He also, coincidentally, found her to be cute and funny. He laughed whenever he was being chased by the carefree girl... Well, that was if she really was a girl; not like he ever asked for proof. He just didn’t expect anything from her. Despite his cautious side, he had asked her why she left.

?Bing Shi:?I don’t like men, but I’m still attracted to them. Confusing, right?! It’s only because they’re fun! I never want to be attached to them or anything, so when I start to get attached, I leave. This is easiest online.?? I wish there were more girls playing games though. The audacity of guys on games...??

.....

Xuan Mu, ‘Being alone is good, I like to be alone too.’

They had so much fun together. She helped him gain experience again but in doing so, she’d always be laughing at him.

?Bing Shi:?Why is your level still the same as I left it? You’re so weird! ??

Xuan Mu was tempted to ask how she remembered what level he was on before she had left. However, he didn’t do that.

?Xuan Mu:?Leveling up doesn’t need any skills... I don’t need to think at all. I like to challenge my mind, so I don’t play MMO often.

?Bing Shi:?That’s cool, I’m the opposite, I like MMO because I can shut down my mind. ??

After that, she helped him level up for TEN. Continuous. Hours! Was she a monster? What the hell was wrong with her?! Most people would think that playing games for so long would mean that the person had no life. Xuan Mu, on the other hand, found it to be very cool or rather... erhm, relatable?

She left again after three days, without saying anything, much to his frustration. He decided to wait for her. She seemed to especially like this game. His avatar always stayed on the same level.

While he played the games he liked, he would leave his small avatar online.

Note N.3 – Always ask if she will come tomorrow... She always leaves without saying anything.

Trying out new servers was like a routine for him. He lost hope already. (Not really. There was always a small candle of hope lit in his heart. He was stubborn like that.)

When he logged into the beginner village as a daily routine, an avatar with her username stood in the middle of the main square. Could it be her? After he asked, he got to know that it was really her! He couldn’t believe his eyes! He felt so lucky to meet her again. Bing Shi was surprised that somebody could still remember her.

She had a higher level, as always...

?Bing Shi:?Whenever I meet you I feel like your sugar mommy, haha! Come on, let me carry (1) you.

Xuan Mu grinned, feeling giddy. She never talked to other men when she was with him. It was only a wild guess, but he liked that she wasn’t willing to fall prey to other men. She was always untouchable in his mind; she may be carefree, yes, but she was always intelligent and secretive. She knew when to slip away from the greasy men who wanted to talk to her.

This was why he enjoyed chatting with her. Sometimes, however, he felt like she was testing him (she was). It felt like she was judging his every move- trying to see if he was worth her time (she was).

He was determined to pass her test (He did- time and time again, he passed her tests, knowingly or not).

· · ———- · ???· ———- · ·

Now, they could finally play together again.

He was about to ask her if she wanted him to teach her how to play but when he saw her message, his world shattered.

‘Calm down! I have to stop her from leaving!’ He wrote the first thing which came to his mind and started to scratch his chest over his shirt.

Someone suddenly appeared at his lowest point in life and made him happy. They raised his low mood effortlessly with only a few words... So, when he thought he was the happiest person alive, that person who raised him high, wanted to leave him again without saying anything. It was scary, honestly... The happier he was, the more terrified he felt of losing that happiness.

?Bing Shi:?I started to get... too attached to you. But because you’re the only one I couldn’t find fault with, I decided to tell you before I leave. It’s like you’re too perfect... I hate perfection. It scares me.

He began to scratch his chest again and again in an effort to soothe the horrible emotions that clawed and filled the inside of his chest.

He only had her for three months. Sure, it was far longer than before, but still! It just wasn’t long enough for him; if it were up to him, he’d rather she stay with him forever. Three months flew too fast and the days felt like a blur. He wished he treasured his time with her.

Sure, he was happy that she felt attached to him, but if she was going to leave because of that attachment, he’d much prefer that she wasn’t attached at all. Her leaving him felt terrifying. Were his nightmares finally becoming reality?

He loathed his parents for giving birth to him. He didn’t want to be born; yet no one asked what he wanted.

He hated the world he was forced into and he loathed everybody. This hatred only grew as he aged older and older.

+— Author’s note —-+

(1)Carrying someone in games – “Carrying” is a term used in team games where one person wins the match for everyone else. Basically, the rest of the team was either useless or just played a supporting role to the one person who “carried” the team.

(2) Epiphany – a moment of sudden and great revelation or realization)

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On Break