Shackled (The Lord Series) by Amy T

Chapter 157

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157. Olivia

For years, the only feelings I've had were those of guilt and remorse over what | did to Camila. Whatever was done toin the

clinic madenumb.bined with the drugs and the alcohol, | was like a living corpse. | ate and drank, talked when allowed,

but | was dead inside.

When | decided to help Rueben, | didn’t think that small act would open the gates to every fu c k i n g feeling out there. Love,

hate,passion, grief, disgust, anger, longing, loneliness, sadness, shame-everything hitat once, making it so hard to think

and breathe.

| thought I didn’t need anyone in my life, that a hug or kind words were only ways to manipulate me, but | was wrong. The only

person who has shownkindness in years turned his back onthe moment he learned | couldn't have

children.

What did Jasper expect? That we could play the happy family and have children together? Rueben and Tyson would rather torture

“Take a deep breath,” Maddox instructsas he places the stethoscope between my ti ts.

| do as asked and | end up coughing. My lungs feel like they are on fire. Maybe Maddox will finally givesgood news and tell

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up smashing all of them. The day he broke my heart, | promised myself never to think of him as the one | gave my entire heart to.

That day, | erased his nfrom my memory, his face a blur. It doesn’t help that he is one of Jasper’s blood-brothers, but | feel

relieved he didn’t mention anything about our past. Besides, what | once felt for him is gone. He is Camila’s brother and nothing

more.

Once, he had been everything to me, now he is only my tormentor.

Maddox finished listening to my lungs. “You can put your shirt back on,” he says before turning his attention to Jasper. “She is

healing fast. At this rate, she will be fine in a week or two.”

The shirt is pooled around my waist and | pull it around my shoulders.

“Good. How about Ansel?”

Jasper’s voice sounds different from before. Funny how | can now spot the difference. | need to find a way to numb my feelings

once more, or else | will go insane.

Maddox puts his stethoscope in his bag. “I took out the bullet and gave him a few stitches. He will be sore for a few days, but the

bullet didn’t hit any or g a ns .” Grabbing his bag, he goes to Jasper. “Letshow you how the heart monitor works.”

Jasper and Maddox leave and | lay in bed, trying to sort out motions. There are so many of them... | feel so

want anyone to hear me. Especially Jasper. He will probably barge in and sweepinto his arms and kiss me.... | can’t allow that

to happen, not when | am so vulnerable.

When he left me, callingevery nunder the sun, | put a wall around my heart. If | am not careful, Jasper will break it. But...

he left the moment he learned | am barren. | don’t have to worry about him anymore.

157 Olivia

1 cry until 1 pass out from exhaustion but | wake up due to nightmares.

The room is dark, lettingknow it’s dinner time. Jasper, who always makes sure | eat, drink or take my meds, hasn't even

bothered to check up on me. Maybe he will et all aboutand | will starve to death. | think dehydration will killfaster.

Loud voices and laughter can be heard in the living room, lettingknow the guys are having a f u c k i n g amazing time, while |

am drowning in my own pity.

| lay in bed, listening to the guys bing louder and louder, while the pain in my soul bes more and more unbearable.

When | can’t take it anymore, | drag myself out of bed and go to the bathroom. Since | tried to cut open

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y wrists, Jasper has removed any objects that | can use to harm myself.

1 return to bed and pray to G o d to end my suffering. As always, my prayers are met with silence.

Hours later, the house finally falls silent. Jasper doesn’te to the bedroom and | know | am going to spend the night utterly

alone. Even Miss Teapot abandonedwhen Maddox cto check up on me. It doesn’t matter. Loneliness has been my

can’t give him.

| am here only to make ssex tapes, then maybe Rueben will givewhat | most want. Or he will returnto Jason so | can

get high and drunk and et everything.

The night passes agonizingly slow and the morning is as lively as the night. The following days, as well. It seems like all of them

have moved into this house. | try to ignore them just as they are doing, putting a pillow over my ears, not wanting to listen to their

conversations.

The few times | leave the room, | find trays of food in front of the door. | take them in, throw the food in the WC, or if Diva is

around, give it to her. The medicine is discarded as well. | only drink the juice because | can’t stand a dry throat..

Jasper still doesn’te to see how | am. He is like all the other men who seek women only when they want to f u c k. Sure, Jasper

never wanted to f u c kbut the moment he learned | was damaged goods, he discardedjust like everyone before him. |

didn’t expect anything different; while | knew it would happen, it still hurts. Maybe because | was slowly getting used to him. He

had givena glimmer of hope and | didn’t recognize it till it was ripped away without a word. Now | know better.

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Shackled (The Lord Series) by Amy T

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