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Chapter 54
054 Undesired
Sebastian's POV
She doesn't loveanymore. Still having a hard tgetting used to it, but | can't deny that anymore.
It's not supposed to be like this, but | feel like I lost something precious. How could you feel bad for losing
something you never wanted in
the first place? How is that fair?! | didn't want it, but she forced her love into my hand, and now she is taking it
back, still with force. | never had a chance to make a decision in this.
Never in my life, have | ever felt what "unreachable desire" is.
| never knew what I had until it was lost. But it was gone too fast. One second, it was as solid as the ground
under my feet, and the next second it was just gone. How could someone shut down their love, so firm and
decisive?
She didn't just take care of our house, she built a hfor us. When | "go home", she should be there. With a
smile, in a lingerie, cooking. Anything. It was a place where no problem could penetrate, where | could rest and
Follow on NovᴇlEnglish.nᴇtrefresh for the next day. She made it so safe that | How could she just...leave?
I don't even know what exactly went wrong. | mean, | didn't treat her the best, | know that now, and | want to
amend. But | don't even know where to start.
At first | thought | went too far when | "accepted" her divorce papers, but she accusedof seeing her as a
blood vessel; later | thought it was because of the past few months when | was occupied by Ava's surgery, but
then it was about the one tkiss that she should never know about; | thought it was because | didn't give her
the love she required, only to be told that | misunderstood her this whole time.
| keep apologizing, and every t| do, | have to find out that there is still more and meaner things that | have
done to her.
| never knew | could be so cruel. And | can't even justify any of those. How could | have been so blind, for so
long?
Why did | think of her as such a vicious, evil, unreasonable person for so long, but
| now | can't even find a shred of evidence to prove that?
054 Unidesired
+25 BONUS
I mean, aside from Ava's words.
| don't want to think in that direction, but when | took out Ava's weight on my judgment of Scar, | suddenly found
the judgment empty.
"I don't want a divorce," | open with as genuine a tone as | can
manage, "I know we have | know | have problems, but I'm willing to work on them. I'm sorry | didn't hear you five
years ago, and | wasn't happy when | got into the marriage, but even then, | never considered ending it. It wasn't
my way of tricking you into helping Ava. Marria Scar looks surprised, and that enlightenment hurts. | think at
spoint she was about to laugh, but she didn't.
| dare not hope it's because she still cares about my feelings. | guess it was her basic
manner.
How did | mess up my marriage so badly?
Scar opens her mouth, only to pursue them. And then again. She wants to say something, and | can literally see
her effort of trying to make them less hurtful. | have seen that process on her countless times - when she loved
me.
Follow on Novᴇl-Onlinᴇ.cᴏm
I dare not to fathom her motivation behind it now.
| thought she would throw my horrible actions at my face. | thought she would be cold and sarcastic like before,
and | was ready for that..
But she didn't. She throwsthe one question | couldn't answer-
"Can you love me...ever?"
I look into her eyes, and there is no hope, like before. She used to askthat question, all the time. She was
hopeful at first, asking if someday | could "love her like how | love Ava"; later it beca hopeful begging like
"Would | ever get a corner in your heart?". In the en you can see me."
I guess | never did.
| thought | was making a compromise by staying in the marriage, and | never knew Ow much | had been taking
for granted.
But | can't get the word "yes" out of my mouth.
051 Undesired
+25 BONUS
I'm not sure if | could give her what she wanted, but that's not even the problem. | can't say it because | can see «
in her eyes- She is no longer looking for that.