Split Zone No.13

Split Zone 13

20 Unbounded Darkness and No One to Lean On

The moment I stepped across the district line, the people beside me suddenly disappeared . When I looked around, I realized that I was no longer in a forest, but rather, I stood on a wide open sports field . I suspected that I must still be in the Southern Forest, and that this was just an illusion . So this was the so-called dream state .

I calmly walked forward on the field as I recalled Jiao S’ and Guan Nie’s words . If this is really an illusion to determine what kind of person I am, what will appear here? I couldn’t imagine it . Just as I couldn’t understand why I would have hurt my beloved Senior Gao Qi back then, I don’t know what it is that lives inside my heart now, after all these years .

Ever since I arrived in the Split Zone and my second identity joined with Nie Zun, I haven’t exhibited any abnormal behaviors . In a way, my existence here is incomplete . Then, in this illusion, would I truly be able to experience what lives within my heart? I laughed to myself bitterly . I really want to see what’s hidden inside of me .

“Ah Shen . ” A familiar voice sounded behind me . My eyes widened . Could it be…? I turned around slowly .

The white shirt, the black jeans, and the pair of bright yellow sneakers from my memories . With that ever unfathomable smile, that seemed both warm and yet wicked, he looked at me . “Ah Shen, it’s been a long time . Just like before, you understand me, right?”

I looked at the person in front of me, my eyes slowly growing wider still . In that single, brief moment, I forgot about everything that’s been happening . I was certain that this person in front of me was Senior Gao Qi—not Gao Qin Jiu Ye who I’d seen in the Split Zone a few days ago—and that this wasn’t some kind of illusion . He was my Senior Gao Qi . Only my Senior Gao Qi would look at me with such warm eyes . Only he understands me .

Tears started to leak from my eyes . “Senior…”

He walked towards me slowly and reached out a hand to wipe away my tears . “What are you crying about? Didn’t I already say that I’d wait for you at the end?”

I finally couldn’t stop myself from wailing . “But I… To you, I…”

A smile appeared on his lips . “I didn’t die . I’ve been here with you, but you just couldn’t find me . ”

I looked at him, at his smiling lips . Just as I was about to say something, another voice pierced my ears . “Ah Shen, he’s lying . Everything here is fake . I’m the only thing that’s real!” As I heard the anxious cry, I turned my head to see a faroff Pomelo running to me . Alarm crossed my face as I watched her run towards me . She wore one of the matching Pikachu dresses that we’d bought together .

“N-no, no! Stay away from me!” I stepped back, frightened, and then I grabbed onto Gao Qi’s arm . This was something I couldn’t do easily before .

Pomelo stopped before she reached me, a hurt expression on her face, a pitiful look in her eyes . “Ah Shen, they’re all fake . I’m the only one who’s real . ”

“That’s enough! I became this way because of you!” I cried out, still fearfully hiding behind Senior Gao Qi .

Pomelo took another step forward . “Ah Shen, listen to me . Everything here is tricking you . You must keep going . Aside from me, you can’t trust anyone else!”

I violently shook my head, pulling heavily on Gao Qi’s shirt . Using him as a shield, I shouted to Pomelo, “I’ll never trust you again! It’s because I trusted you that you betrayed me!”

Pomelo shook her head . “I didn’t betray you, Ah Shen . Think about it carefully . You’re the one who didn’t accept me . ”

I cried uncontrollably . No . I don’t want to think about it . I don’t want to ever recall that dark high school past that I’d buried away . It was a darkness that shrouded me all day long . It made me feel like a child who was drowning, yet unable to die . Every day hurt so much that I’d have rather been dead . I was being choked at the throat, with no way to escape, and no one to come rescue me .

The world has no Savior, and I hadn’t the power to save myself . Solitary, lonely, I was a child who couldn’t see the light .

Pomelo was once my best friend . We liked the same snacks, the same comics, the same celebrities . She was the person who understood me the most, the one who was always by my side .

I knew that I’d always been a strange child . I’d always liked horror movies, films like Saw and Seven . As I grew older, my attraction to those types of movies, comics, and novels increased . Though they appeared bloody and violent, they were stories that revealed the way of human nature .

Many kids around me would avoid me because of those interests . But I knew that there was nothing wrong with me . I was a good child . Even when my pet rabbit died, I cried for three days . I just had different interests… Why did I have to be ostracized just because I was different… I really wasn’t a bad kid . I just liked reading and watching those things . What was so wrong with that…

Still, my interests remained . My parents didn’t have any oppositions to it, but reading and watching those dark things left me without any friends . Neverthless, I remained cheerful . Even if others didn’t understand me, I hadn’t really been ostracized .

When I started high school, I still couldn’t refrain from reading some violent comics . The pretty girls around me would fearfully grumble that I wasn’t much like a girl . By then, I’d already grown accustomed to that type of thing, so I just smiled and didn’t let it affect me .

Then, Pomelo showed up .

I’ll always remember the day that Pomelo transferred to our school . At the time, I was reading a criminal psychology novel . I happened to look up at her and our eyes met . I believed in love at first sight, and I believed that the same could be said of friendship . From her eyes, I could see another me .

I’m not sure if others will be able to understand this feeling—when you meet a friend who makes you feel that they’re the only person who truly understands you . That kind of feeling, that was the grace given to me that day .

After class that day, she walked up to me and said, “I like that book too . I like it a lot . ” And so, every day after that, we’d be together, sharing the things we liked, never ever suspecting the other .

When I let her see the diagnosis report for my mental disorder, she hadn’t seemed to mind in the slightest . I’d naively believed that she wouldn’t turn her back on me, that she understood me, that we’d remain the best of friends forever .

But the next day, I saw the diagnosis report posted on the school bulletin board in such a careless manner . From then on, she brought an exhausting and cold high school life to me, just as easily as she’d posted that diagnosis report .

But the next day, I saw the diagnosis report posted on the school bulletin board in such a careless manner . From then on, she brought an exhausting and cold high school life to me, just as easily as she’d posted that diagnosis report .

I can’t recall clearly how I managed to get through that time, just as there are many things I can’t fully remember . Even the word ‘helpless’ cannot sufficiently convey that period of time for me . It’s a period of time that I’ve buried deep inside the recesses of my heart .

The one thing that supported me through the ordeal was waiting for graduation . I’d believed that once I was out of high school, I would be set free . But when I went to register for college, I ran into Pomelo, who’d enrolled at the same school . I don’t think I’ll ever forget that day either . She walked over to me, carrying what was, in my memory, the warmest smile on her face .

Her body seemed surrounded in light, whereas around me, there was just darkness . She walked up to me and whispered in my ear, “You can’t leave me, because I’m the only one who understands you . Ah Shen, don’t worry about others not understanding . Having me is enough…”

Unable to continue living in the past, I coldly glared at the dejected Pomelo in front of me . “You’re the devil . I never want to see you again!”

Pomelo gave me a hard, long look . Then, faintly, she said, “What will it take for you to believe that I’m the only one who’s real…”

Suddenly, Senior Gao Qi’s laugh rang in the air . “You’re not the only one who understands her . I’ve always been by her side too . Didn’t you know?” Hearing Gao Qi’s words, I felt like someone who’d been lost for a long while, finally finding my way . My grip on his shirt tightened .

Pomelo gave Gao Qi a look . “You’ve been lying to her all this time, turning her into this kind of person . ” Then, she turned back to me . “Ah Shen, he’s tricking you . Don’t believe him . He’ll hurt you again and again and again!”

I shook my head, not wanting to hear another word from her . Gao Qi gently turned to look at me . In a magnetic voice, he said to me, “Don’t be afraid . Leave your sins to me . I’ll protect you . ”

I trembled . Not because the senior whom I’d loved for many years had spoken such heartwarming words to me . It was because his words made me suddenly think of a different person . Nie Zun . I thought of that lazy and carefree expression that always hung on Nie Zun’s face . Then I looked up at Gao Qi, and then over to Pomelo . No, something wasn’t right . This was Split Zone No . 13 . They were just illusions… But Senior Gao Qi… I raised my head and looked up at Gao Qi again .

Gao Qi seemed to notice something strange about me . His eyes started to wander . “Ah Shen, what are you thinking about? I’m Gao Qi . I died, but I’m living inside your heart . I’m here to take you away from the Split Zone . ”

Gao Qi seemed to notice something strange about me . His eyes started to wander . “Ah Shen, what are you thinking about? I’m Gao Qi . I died, but I’m living inside your heart . I’m here to take you away from the Split Zone . ”

My eyes immediately widened . “Take me away… from the Split Zone?”

His smile came like a breath of fresh air . “Yes . After I died, I became the strength inside of you . As long as you have the courage, you can use this power to leave this place . Don’t try to resist me . I’m the only one who will never hurt you . ”

Suddenly, standing in front of me, Pomelo anxiously shouted, “Don’t listen to him! He’s lying to you! Wake up! I’m the only one who’s real!”

No . Senior Gao Qi wouldn’t lie to me . He’s the only one who’s never lied to me . Even if I killed him, he’d never hurt me until the day he died! I looked at Gao Qi’s warm expression, and I nodded firmly to him . I extended my arms to embrace him .

“No! He’s fake! Ah Shen, look at me! I’m the one who’s real! Come to me!” Pomelo anxiously reached out, but she didn’t move forward .

I frowned at her . “I never want to see you again . ”

Senior Gao Qi extended his hand and grabbed on to mine . “Don’t resist, just accept me . I’m the only one who can take you away . I’m the only one who won’t hurt you . I’m the power within your heart . Use me . Let me become your strenth, and I can take you away . ”

I looked into his deep gaze and firmly held onto his hand . Senior said he could take me away, so he would definitely be able to do so . A warm light started to surround him . Perhaps I’d been resisting what was inside of me all this time, resisting Senior Gao Qi whom I killed . If I’d been able to accept it earlier, perhaps I’d have left the Split Zone by now .

As I thought of this, I felt a warmth . It wasn’t too late now . I was on my way to leave the Split Zone, wasn’t I? I took in the warm light . Suddenly another thought entered my mind, causing the darkness to envelop me all over again .