Strings of Fate

142- Shampoo and spending | keep myself angled to the wall, my back to Bellamy. Okay so showering in underwear might be a little weird, but it letsfeel a little less exposed while still attempting to be brave. Not that I'm particularly aiming for anything intimate right now. Nope, not at all. | feel dreadful and miserable. But | want to be clean and | want Bellamy with me. Okay, maybe | also want a distraction. Nervous and overly self conscious might not be the best feeling, but it’s better than the alternative. Bellamy seems kind of speechless, which is funny since he was the one who started trying to undressin the first place. | glance back over my shoulder and find that he is staring a hole through my back.

“Uh, Bellamy?” | ask hoarsely. Turns out vomiting is hell on your throat. Actually my mouth tastes awful.

“I'm not totally sure what I’m supposed to be doing. Well, | don’t know what you want.” He admits.

“Well, right this second, I'd like you to passthe mouthwash.” | answer, partly because, well... | want the mouthwash, and partially because I'm stalling. | reach out blindly behindand Bellamy places the bottle of mouthwash in my hand. | almost drop it, plastic bottle. plus water equals klutziness. The spearmint liquid somehow burns and cools my mouth at the stas | rinse it out. | catch a little water from the shower in my hands and rinse the overly strong mouthwash from my mouth. Seriously, why is something that is intended to touch a person's taste buds taste so bad? | hand the bottle back to Bellamy.

“Ry, sweetheart? What should | do?” I don’t turn around but I'm pretty sure that Bellamy is shuffling in place. He wants to be helpful and he wants to DO something to makefeel better. He hates waiting, or rather he hates inaction and not knowing what to do.

“You don’t need to do anything. Just be here and if you can think of a way to make my brain. shut up and stop replaying my nightmare from last night, that would be awesome.” Bellamy thinks for a minute.

“So you want a distraction then.” He clarifies. | nod and stick my head under the stream of water to start rinsing out the vomit.

1/4 142- Shampoo and spending “Well, you're meant to return to work tomorrow. You need to decide what you're going to do.” He says pointedly.

Oh, | had actually forgotten that. Tthis last two weeks has somehow been very fast and very slow at the stime. It feels like it's only been like two days, but at the stit feels like it's been forever since | was last at work. Yeah | don’t think Bellamy would take it well if | said | wanted to go back to work. The good news for him is that | don’t particularly want to go back. The longer I'm away the less | want to be there. But | can't just sponge off Bellamy forever. It’s just not something | can put up with. | would feel way too guilty, and Bellamy would make it way too easy forto beclazy. | tip shampoo. onto my hand and start running it through my hair while | think.

“Well, you'll be thrilled to hear that | don’t plan to throw a fit about needing to go back immediately, | don’t really even want to go back that badly. But it is my job and | need the money. | don’t have any more leave so I'm not really sure what my other choices are. | have to pay my rent somehow.” I sigh in frustration. When Bellamy answers, the only word | can use to describe his tone is controlled. He is obviously choosing his words with care.

Probably trying not to be all bossy again.

“I'm sure you know what | would prefer you do, but in case you don’t, | want you to quit. Just don’t go back, you don’t need that job.” | roll my eyes even though he can’t see it. | start rinsing the shampoo from my hair.

“I do too need my job. Rent is a thing, not to mention I have bills and | need food every now and then.” | remind him. Bellamy sighs.

“Okay, forget your rent and bills for a minute. What else do you NEED money for? | can give you one of my credit cards if it would stop you worrying about it.” He offers. | freeze up and my initial reaction is to flat out refuse and yell at him for being so casual about trying to just givemoney. Something about being independent and so on. But I'm pretty sure that he trying to be controlling or anything by making the offer, he probably really is just thinking it will make things less stressful for me. He really doesn’t seem to understand why I'm so concerned about money. He's never been broke and it kind of shows. While I think about how to respond, | tip shampoo on my palm and start running it through my hair.

Wasn't “Okay, so i'm thinking you don’t love that suggestion.” Bellamy comments.

“I don’t like it, but | am trying to think of other solutions. | want to find an outcthat we can both be happy with. I'm also trying to remind myself that | shouldn't be offended by you offering money... and how did you know that I didn’t like it?” | question. Bellamy laughs.

2/4 142- Shampoo and spending.

“Because you already shampooed your hair. You're washing it a second time.” he points out. Oh, oops. | rinse my hair and swap the shampoo bottle for the conditioner.

“Right... Do you have any suggestions? | suspect that you didn’t just start thinking about this now.” “You suspect correctly. So, | have an idea about your place. Just try not to freak out and think about it before you answer, okay?” He says warily. Oh great, that sounds less than hopeful. | run conditioner through the ends of my hair.

Il “I'll try.” | hedge.

“Okay, so what if | could find someone to take over your lease? Maggie would still have a tennant and she wouldn't lose any money. You wouldn't have to worry about rent or bills, you know you can stay here as long as you want. Forever ideally.” He adds. Okay, so that’s not. what | thought he would say. | mean I'm not shocked he wantsto give up my place, but | am surprised to hear that he thought it through so much, tried to work out a plan so that it doesn’t negatively affect Maggie. Now | feel a little bad for my earlier thought about him. never being broke. | mean it’s technically true, but he’s just demonstrated that he is aware of people’s finances. It's justthat he thinks shouldn't worry. I'm having flashbacks to when Megan toldthat Shifters tend to want to be very generous towards their mates. | can’t say it isn’t true. Still, I'm not totally sold on this plan. | need my own income, | need to work. | can’t just sit around all the tforever. | also don’t want to feel like I'm getting forced out of my place and | don’t want to just ditch Maggie. She’s been a good friend to me, and | miss seeing her regularly.

“1... I'm not sure. I'll talk about it with Maggie and see how | feel after that.” A thought occurs to me.

“But that doesn’t mean I'm agreeing to quit my job! | need to earn my money, you can’t just give it to me. This needs further discussion. But | should call Maggie first.” | conclude. | glance back at Bellamy who immediately looks away. Okay, well he did well with the whole distraction thing, | haven't thought about him probably watchingthis whole time... up until right now. | turn off the water and before I can ask, Bellamy is dropping a towel over my shoulders.

“Thanks.” | pull it tight aroundand step out of the shower, finally turning to face Bellamy 3/4 142- Shampoo and spending properly. He looks... hopeful. Apparently this conversation is going better than he expected. | head back into the bedroom and find sclean clothes. Bellamy picks up my vomit covered clothes and drops them in a hamper.

Bellamy closes his eyes so that | can get dressed and as soon as | tell him that it’s safe to open them again he’s handingmy phone so that | can call Maggie. He's very eager, but to be fair, | do need to figure this out today.