The Beautiful Monster

She knew that worrying about it wouldn't help her prepare, though. She knew that when the moment was right, she would feel it and welcome it.

She just didn't want to be so nervous when that time came. Her anxiety had a habit of ruining things, while Elias tended to help her back to the mindset she needed to be at. He really was a miracle worker.

With a faint smile, Alyssa signed into the desktop and brought up her online gradebook and coursework.

She had gotten used to everything being online. With the money that she was saving up from her on campus job, she would be able to afford a cheap laptop soon.

Then, she wouldn't have to trap herself in the library so much.

She scrolled down to see her grades, and her eyes immediately widened in shock. How did she have two B's in her organic chemistry class and lab? She just had A's not too long ago.

Then again, she hadn't checked her grades in a moment. Something must have happened to lower them so much.

She brought up her latest assignments and had to do a double take.

She got a C on one lab assignment, failed another, and got multiple low B's on a few regular class assignments. What happened?

She remembered doing the work and not having that much of an issue. The work was hard, but she didn't think she'd score so low.

She looked through her answers that were marked wrong and nearly facepalmed. She literally messed up the easiest things.

She mixed up a few numbers and terms, like she hadn't been paying attention. What was on her mind?

Alyssa checked the dates and realized she had turned in all of those messed up assignments during the period of time she had been spending a lot of time with Elias.

It was so easy to get distracted when she was with him. Even when they were studying or doing homework for psychology, the last thing on her mind was work.

She couldn't let her grades slip! She had a scholarship riding on them, and if they got too low, she'd lose her scholarship and have to drop out.

That meant that she would have to move back home, and she couldn't do that. She had to fix this, and the only thing that she could think to do was to limit her time with Elias.

The thought of that saddened her. She loved spending time with him, but she had to keep an eye on her future.

She couldn't throw it away for him, and she knew that he wouldn't want her to either. It would just be hard to take a step back from him.

She would have to do it gradually until she found a happy medium where she could be with him and still keep her grades up.

She buried her face in her hands with a sigh. She couldn't believe she had let her grades slip so much.

She only had so much time left in the semester to turn them back around, which meant she couldn't drop the ball now. She couldn't risk it.

It was great finally having a social life, but she needed to stay at college. She needed to be away from her family, who only contacted her when they needed something from her or wanted to chew her out for something.

She loved being with Elias, but she couldn't sacrifice her sanity to be with him. She hated having to give up one for the other.

At that moment, her phone buzzed on the table. She looked over at it to see that Elias had texted her.

Her heart automatically skipped, but she frowned this time instead of smiled. She had a feeling about what he texted, and she couldn't respond how she wanted to.

Elias; Tea time, honey? ;)

For a second, a smile broke out across her face at the playful nickname. He always tried to get her to smile, even through text, and it always worked.

But it only worked for a second this time. Then, she remembered the dilemma she faced. She wanted to go to the café with him, but she needed to catch up on her work. She couldn't push it off any longer.

Alyssa; I have to do homework :( another time!

Alyssa sent the text before shutting her phone off. It was hard blowing him off, but she knew she had to do it.

As much as she loved being close to him, she had shut out everything else, including the things that she needed to focus on.

Besides, what if things didn't work out between them? What if she gave up so much for him, and he left her?

She would have nothing. No degree. No love of her life. No planned future. She doubted someone like her could actually keep someone like him for long term. He would find someone else and move on.

Alyssa didn't want to be discouraging to herself, but she had to look at the facts. She hadn't been in many relationships at all in her life, and they were nothing special.

Now, out of nowhere, she got to be with one of the most charming boys she had ever met? It didn't make any sense.

Elias; Hope you get it all done! :)

Alyssa read Elias' text and nearly groaned. Of course, he was so sweet and supportive. That made it hurt even more to push him away.

Things were so perfect not too long ago. Now, reality hit her full swing, and she was out of her fantasy world. She wanted back in, but she knew she was stuck on the outside for the foreseeable future.

******

A few days later, Alyssa still continued to avoid Elias. She had so much work to catch up on and so much studying to do.

She saw him in class for brief moments, but she whisked herself away afterwards to go to her next class.

She wanted to spend her free time with him, but her grades needed to be lifted before finals arrived.

If she bombed finals, it was over for her, so she needed to study as soon as she got the materials together.

In case she got lower than she hoped for her scores, at least she would have some padding if she worked hard now to raise her grades. She was basically doing damage control. Or maybe she was just panicking.