The Return of the Crazy Demon-Novel

Having witnessed my pointing finger, the Left Hand of Illuminating Light gives me a smug smile.

I must’ve forgotten.

After the Left Hand of Illuminating Light whispers something to the beautiful woman next to him, the two glance at me and laugh. Now that he’s mocking me with his date, I am getting pissed for the sixth time. Suddenly, someone runs from where the Left Hand of Illuminating Light stands and asks me.

“Sir.”

A young servant calls out to me.

“What?”

The servant comes close to me and whispers in my ear.

“Young Master over there asked you to join him for a drink. There’s another woman among his peers. A 2:2 gathering.”

Looking at the servant, I answer.

“Why should I?”

The servant continues with a grin.

“He said you are the most handsome among the spectators.”

“Bullshit.”

As I turn my head, the woman next to the Left Hand of Illuminating Light disappears. As I look around like a bumpkin and withdraw from the crowd of spectators, the Left Hand of Illuminating Light approaches with two women on his sides.

Left Hand of Illuminating Light then says with a snicker.

“Do you want to join us?”

The women suddenly intervene.

“Let’s drink together. Seol-ah, what do you think?”

The newly appeared woman named Seol-ah smiles as she looks me up and down.

“I’d love to join too.”

Looking at the three, I think.

‘Crazy nutjobs.’

The Left Hand of Illuminating Light says to me as he narrows his eyes.

“There’s nothing to be afraid of. They are nice people.”

It is a passing remark, but I can sense the extraordinary perversion.

Without much thought, I immediately recognize he is trying to mooch off me based on his own skill, mannerisms, and cleverness.

A 2:2 drinking party, my ass….

I nod my head to see how the Left Hand is going to play this out.

“Let’s go.”

Without exchanging introductions, I join the Pervert Demon and his leeching companions. I didn’t expect this either. But the point isn’t drinking, but I’ve finally met the Left Hand.

The drinking party is arranged in a private space separated by a room divider. Perhaps he’s a regular at this diner, but the Left Hand enters and sits down naturally.

The women order an awful lot of alcohol and dishes. The side dishes quickly fill the table in no time.

The woman called Seol-ah sits next to me and says.

“Please have a drink.”

The Left Hand asks me.

“Is this your first time here?”

“Why?”

“No one here dared to stare into my eyes for that long. Maybe girls do. You look almost the same age as me. Let’s talk casually.”

The woman next to Left Hand introduces everyone at the table.

“Brother Mong-rang, I am So-wol (小月), and the one next to you is Seol-ah (雪兒). What about you, my lord?

They are all aliases.

“I am Gwang-chul. Gong-chul’s older brother.”

Seol-ah asks with a puzzled expression.

“Who is Gong-chul?”

The Left Hand then says while raising his glass.

“Come on, drink up. That was a long introduction. Who cares about names and backgrounds? Only drinking reveals the true character of men and women.”

Mong-rang, So-wol, Seol-ah, and I, who has suddenly become Gwang-chul, drink together.

I try to swallow as late as possible as I observe their faces and eyes. However, I am not the only one eyeing everyone. The three of them are doing the same.

Looking at their drinking movement, breathing, aura, and upright posture, all four of us have learned martial arts.

The Left Hand then asks Seol-ah.

“Seol-ah, do you like Gwang-chul?”

Seol-ah nods and smiles.

“Yes.”

“Then how far can you go today?”

“Why are you in such a hurry, Brother?”

“Hahaha.”

I listen to the conversation with my eyes covered for a moment. Is that a secret code (暗語) just now? As the useless conversation continued, I down three glasses of wine.

As I am about to drink my fourth cup, the Left Hand stands up and says.

“I’m going to go take a piss. I should go all out today.”

“Have a safe trip.”

As Left Hand leaves, So-wol then says shamelessly to Seol-ah.

“Let’s go, too.”

“Okay, sure.”

I simper and grab Seol-ah’s wrist as she is about to get up.

“Seol-ah, have another drink before you go.”

Seol-ah replies with a perplexed look.

“What?”

I then speak as I motion to So-wol with my head.

“Go ahead.”

So-wol replies sternly.

“Ah, alright.”

As soon as So-wol disappears, I stare at Seol-ah. Seol-ah then says with a baffled look.

“Why are you looking at me so scarily?”

I grab my glass and inject it with Fire Chicken energy. The alcohol instantly boils like my heart.

“You’ve never seen liquor like this, have you? One glass, drink it in one go.”

Seol-ah then replies with a surprised gaze.

“Ah, I don’t want to.”

Before Seol-ah can jump up from her seat, I extend my hand and jab her pressure points one after another.

Jab!

I take out the small pill case Moyong Baek provided and open the lid. I then mix the powder into the liquor.

What is this, you ask?

Moyong Baek, who says that it’s hard to make poison on such short notice, displayed his ability by giving me a colorless, odorless laxative. I have my fair share of experience in Kangho, but this is my first time using a colorless, odorless laxative. The color or smell does not change upon mixing with alcohol. Hence this is the best laxative in all of Kangho.

I pour the hard liquor mixed with Moyong Baek’s laxatives into Seol-ah’s mouth.

“Let’s see what’s gonna happen if you don’t want to get an antidote. Then it’ll be your death. Got it?”

Her make-up is smeared on my hands when I look at my hand. After wiping it on Seol-ah’s pretty clothes, I also pour the colorless, odorless laxatives into the Left Hand and So-wol’s glasses.

Only then did the somewhat stern-faced Left Hand and So-wol return in a hurry. The Left Hand sits down as he looks at me.

“What’s with the mood?”

I speak to the Left Hand coldly

“Hey, you prostitute fucker.”

“What?”

“Are you trying to dump your booze tab on a bumpkin and run away? Are you a noob? Pay for the drinks.”

The Left Hand smirks and says.

“What are you talking about? Maybe it’s because you’re a hillbilly. You’re extremely twisted. Who would have thought that I’d hear this kind of nonsense.”

After downing a normal drink with an unpleasant expression, I secretly reveal my wish to face the Left Hand immediately.

As I stare at the Left Hand and So-wol with a murderous look, Left Hand and So-wol drink from their laxative-laced glasses. In the meantime, the Left Hand lowers his eyes and repeatedly checks the color and aroma of the alcohol before drinking.

It is only after he empties his glass does he notice Seol-ah’s weird state.

“What’s wrong with you?”

I explain to them.

“I thought she was running away, so I jabbed her acupoints.”

Slowly revealing his real character, he says.

“That’s ridiculous. Let her go.”

Sipping on the booze, I reply.

“I’m a bumpkin. I didn’t learn how to release it. You do it.”

The Left Hand jumps up and exaggeratedly caresses Seol-ah’s torso with his hands. At that moment, Seol-ah lets out an “Argh!” and faints on the spot.

The Left Hand looks at me in puzzlement.

“You must want to die really badly. So-wol, you take care of Seol-ah and pay. This guy thinks so little of me.”

“Yes, brother.”

The Left Hand gestures with his chin and says.

“Follow me. It’s no use running away.”

Standing side by side with the Left Hand for the first time in a long while, we walk out of the diner. Next to me, the Left Hand says calmly.

“Looks like you’re here to challenge me, but I’m getting tired of people like you. Who sent you?”

Feeling the Left Hand’s voice suddenly becoming arrogant, I reply.

“Gong-chul sent me.”

“Who’s Gong-chul?”

“The guy whose arm you broke.”

“Ah, that idiot.”

The Left Hand sneers.

After taking me to a secluded area, the Left Hand suddenly pats his chest. As I peer at him, the Left Hand’s face is becoming pale. The Left Hand suddenly jumps forward and stabs his finger at various spots around his abdomen.

The Left Hand glares at me as he whips his head around.

“You poisoned me?”

As I am about to answer him, the Left Hand abruptly narrows the distance and initiates the first blow.

Thud!

After delivering our first blows, we look at each other.

The Left Hand’s face is becoming pale white. It is already surprising that he could deflect my attack as if nothing had happened, but he seems to be getting uncomfortable by the minute.

I speak to the Left Hand with a calm expression on my face.

“What’s that, moron? Say it”

The Left Hand is about to answer me, but he turns around in a hurry and runs fiercely to somewhere.

He is running at a tremendous speed indeed.

A strange sound comes out of the Left Hand’s mouth.

“Uh…”

But I am not one to let the Left Hand go.

I follow after the Left Hand like a gust of wind. Before I know it, I’m already sticking close to his back as he twists his body in the air. The Left Hand faces me and holds out his palms. As soon as I see the Left Hand’s palms turn white, I respond with the Fiery Fowl Great Handprint.

Booooooooooooom!

As he faces off against Fiery Fowl Great Handprint in the air, Left Hand widens the distance by using the rebound of the colliding palm force. As soon as he lands, he disappears around an alley. Entering a winding alley like an ant cave, I move slowly while listening to the surroundings.

I called out to Left Hand like friends playing by the alley.

“Mong-rang, do you think I’ll give you time to take a shit? No chance.”

The Left Hand will probably attack again at the alley corner with this silence. At that moment, I hear the cheap trick of ventriloquism as he hides his location.

“What poison is this?”

“I don’t know.”

“What about the antidote?”

“I have it.”

“What do you want?”

I reply as I carefully examine the moonlit alley.

“I can’t tell you that.”

I am about to turn around in an alley, but I lower my head when I hear the sound of the wind. The Left Hand’s handheld fan flies past and smashes through the wall.

Pak!

When Left Hand’s surprise attack fails, he flees once again.

‘He already swallowed Moyong Baek’s laxative. How is he holding up so well?’

I then spot the Left Hand, who is running, poking his abdomen again with his fingers.

Tatatak!

That looks very painful. The Left Hand, who turns around while holding onto his belly, stares at me with a pale face.

“If you give me the antidote, I’ll save your life.”

“I won’t give it to you even if you say please, nutcase.”

“I’m saying this one more time, if you give me the antidote now, I’ll save you.”

I snort and then reply.

“Go take a dump.”

The Left Hand moves his tongue around his mouth and roughly takes off the white jangsam he is wearing.

I ask.

“What are you doing?”

Trying his white jangsam around his waist, the Left Hand replies in a fury.

“Today is your funeral day.”

As he ties his white jangsam around his waist and pats it here and there, the Left Hand is wrapping it around his pants like a woman’s skirt.

I look at the Left Hand’s action and ask him with a blank expression.

“Is that a diaper?”

The Left Hand responds in a cold voice.

“I might be pooping, but you’ll die today. Antidote? I don’t need it.”

I admire the Left Hand’s ferocious spirit.

Does one have to be like that to survive in demon cults? Since he’s such a spiteful man, he must have won the position of the left-handed man after beating numerous old demons.

Nodding like a madman, the Left Hand approaches me.

“Are you ready to die, bumpkin? It’s no use begging now.”

Throwing away his handheld fan without hesitation, the Left Hand makes a farting sound while walking a few steps.

The Left Hand immediately frowns. Perhaps he is embarrassed or is about to give up even after declaring that he would shit on the spot. He then sighs.

“Ha—ah.”

I take a step back as well.

“Wait…”

He is the first rival that fills me with the madness that came to mind as soon as I had regressed. When another farting sound fills the air, I keep backing away without realizing it.

“Don’t come near me, poopyman.”

The Left Hand replies with a smile as if he has given up on his life.

“How can a man be afraid of a disgrace of a time? Come here. I’ll roll you around until you can’t differentiate between mine and yours.”

“You scumbag.”

The Left Hand’s bottoms are now smeared with brown. He just had to wear all white, a color that couldn’t hide anything.

The pungent stench fills the air around me. The Left Hand then surges at me like lightning.

Pwarkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!

Whenever the violent sound of palm forces colliding bursts out, it is mixed with the sound of farts.

“……!”

“……!”

At least this guy isn’t in an Orthodox Faction. If an Orthodox Faction’s warrior shits his pants while fighting, they would’ve announced retirement and jumped into a river. The Left Hand calmly attacks and defends while smelling like poop.

This calmness, this level-headedness, this survival instinct, this fart…

As expected, he is my rival, the no. 1 most-wanted member of the Low-Down Sect, martial art genius, poopyman, and top-class master, officially with Demon (魔) in his nickname before becoming the Left Hand.

I might be experienced.

But I’ve never competed with a master shitting his pants in real time. For a moment, I realize that he managed to completely deflect all of the Castration Technique attacks that I launched at him with my palm force.

‘That’s absurd.’

I can’t step on that poop-covered bottom with my new white shoes. That is illegal to do to my new shoes. In the meantime, the overpowering foul smell is making me dizzy.

I gather myself together as I behold the strongest poopypants I have seen in my life.