The Strange Adventure of a Broke Mercenary

Loren thought that a man was happiest when he was sleeping. He didn’t need to open his eyes, and could rest in the warmth of his bed all he liked.

He knew that he couldn’t stay sleeping forever, and that he would need to wake up sooner or later. But until someone came to wake him, he wanted to relax within this pleasant warmth while doing nothing.

Loren stirred, and found his movement somehow sluggish.

Maybe he had been hospitalized again, and was bandaged from head to toe? But it didn’t feel like that. He could still move if he tried, albeit slowly. It somehow felt like he was covered with thick, warm oil. The sensation bothered him a little, so he tried to wipe it away, but his hand was met with something soft.

For some reason, he was clearly aware of his hand being brushed away. Then something suddenly tightened around his chest, and even though he was still reluctant about leaving his slumber, Loren slowly opened his eyes.

The first thing he saw was a familiar ceiling. It was the ceiling of Kapha city’s hospital, a place he had been admitted to numerous times before.

Memories about what had happened before he had lost consciousness finally came back to Loren one by one. He sighed, it seemed like he had caused Lapis troubles again.

Realizing that he was lying face up on the hospital bed, Loren tried to sit up but couldn’t. Somewhat scared that the damage to his body this time was more serious than he had expected, he turned his gaze to his body to check his own conditions. But what met his gaze was a pair of purple eyes.

“…Ah?”

Even Loren knew how stupid he sounded.

The owner of those purple eyes laid her cheek on Loren’s chest and closed her eyes. Her blond, almost white hair was spreading over Loren’s body.

What the hell was happening?

His thinking ability belatedly came back. He realized that the warm sensation he had felt in his sleep was brought about by him being hugged. He also realized that the one hugging him was somehow naked, and that he could feel her nakedness because he also wasn’t wearing anything.

Loren believed that if he had been a woman, he would have screamed by now. But he lightly grabbed the head of the person who was burying her face into his chest and lifted it up instead.

He was met with purple eyes.

“What are you doing?”

Loren asked tranquilly. He was not angry, nor his partner was someone he could get angry with.

Gula answered with a serious expression:

“I told you I’ll give you something good.”

“So this is the benefit you mentioned?”

“This is nothing but a benefit, isn’t it?”

Gula wrapped her arms around Loren’s arm and her ample breasts squashed between them. Her torso stuck to Loren’s torso as if glued, and her legs wound tightly around one of Loren’s legs. She was using her whole body to get as much contact as possible with his body.

“Well, I’m an extremely ordinary man.”

“That’s right. You’re truly a man. It was somewhat hard when you were sleeping, but it has got up properly now that you’re awake.”

Loren looked at the ceiling awkwardly. Gula grinned.

“I’ll… eat you.”

“Well, it’ll be nice for your reputation if the Evil God of Gluttony is eaten by a human like you, right?”

(Xem: In japanese slang terms “eat” is referring to “having sex” => Unchanged to preserve the word play by the author)

Gula rose up slightly and looked at him with purple eyes and a charming smile. She whispered into Loren’s ears, as he was starting to get worried for his life.

“Right… I had a meal. I ate a bit too much, so I’m full now.”

Not too bad then, Loren thought.

But the next moment, Gula’s head was punched sideway with a muffled sound. She fainted and collapsed on Loren’s chest.

Loren could actually guess what had just happened. And just as expected, Lapis peeked into the room.

“…Did I interrupt you?”

“You’ve helped me.”

Loren actually thought it would have been nice if things could have continued and he could have ‘released’, yet he knew Lapis would be in a bad mood if he told her so. With some regret, he moved Gula’s unconscious body to the side and sat up. Lapis’ face suddenly became red then, and she turned away.

“Please put on some clothes.”

“So I wasn’t put to sleep naked.”

Loren’s cheeks felt a bit hot when he thought about how Gula had undressed him herself, but he was careful to not show what he was feeling. He looked around restlessly, searching for his clothes.

Lapis quietly handed him the clothes that had fallen on the ground, face still turned away.

Loren asked while putting on his clothes:

“So, it’s over now?”

“Yeah, it is.”

According to Lapis, something had happened during the fight, creating an opening for the berserk Loren to rain a storm of attacks on Luxuria. He had been slashed all over his body by Loren’s greatsword, had admitted defeat because of that, and had obediently let Gula take him away.

Thanks to that, the villagers and soldiers that had been under the influence of the Evil God’s power had regained their sanity. But things had become troublesome after that.

Luxuria’s power, as the Evil God had declared himself, was increasing libido. In short, those under his influence would engage in acts that were difficult to be put into words with no regards of the gender or age of their partners. The villagers and soldiers had regained their sanity right in the midst doing such acts; it would be more strange if things hadn’t become chaotic.

“That was… literally Hell on earth.”

“I don’t even want to imagine that scene.”

Of course, Lapis had had no reason to try to control that situation. With Gula’s help, she had quickly carried the unconscious Loren away from that place. They had fetched Klaus’ party on the way and had told Rose, the person they had been involved into this in the first place, that the problem had been resolved more or less. Then, they had returned to Kapha as if they had been running for their lives.

And incidentally, the skirmish happening near Rose’s village had come to an end at the same time. The reason was unclear. However, the number of soldiers pulled into the forest due to Luxuria’s power had been quite high. When the spell had been broken and those soldiers had regained their sanity, they probably had thought about what they had done and with whom, and had been in no conditions to continue fighting a war. That was what Lapis had guessed, anyway.

“So, where has Luxuria, the culprit of all this, gone to?”

“I don’t know. Gula took him to somewhere.”

Both of them looked at Gula, who had been struck unconscious in a moment of distraction and was now sleeping beside Loren. They wanted to know about Luxuria’s whereabouts, but Gula was an Evil God herself; she wouldn’t just give them the information like that.

“She won’t tell.”

“No, she won’t.”

Convinced that their questions wouldn’t be answered, the two of them decided to stop thinking about that matter.

They would probably meet again if that was what fate decided, but for now, Loren preferred to think that it had been the last time he had met that muscle head.

“That aside, Loren, you can’t use what you did when fighting Luxuria again, unless things go terribly wrong!”

Lapis brought her face close and glared at Loren. He vaguely nodded at her.

As he would never have been able to hit Luxuria with normal methods, he had tried to go into his berserk stage from a self-boosted stage. He had just now slowly realized how severe the backlash of that action could have been. His whole body hurt, and even though he didn’t feel anything strange with his bones right now, he wondered how it had been right after the rampage.

“I tried to heal you as much as I can, but there are things that can be healed and things that can’t.”

“It’s my bad. I’ll be more careful.”

Loren meekly nodded as he knew he had made Lapis worried. But he would still do it again should the need arise; this was something he didn’t plan to tell her.

“And, why is she here?”

Loren pointed at Gula, who was still unconscious, and asked. Lapis stepped back a bit and tilted her head in puzzle.

“Why… She somehow followed us here.”

“Weren’t you too harsh on me?!”

Gula suddenly sat up and said. Her bare breast jiggled, and as Loren’s eyes reflexively fixed on them, Lapis pinched his ear.

“It can’t be helped… I’m a man too.”

“I know, but still.”

“So, why are you here? It’s not just to give me those nice things, isn’t it?”

“There was that too.”

Gula straightened up and sat cross-legged on the bed. Loren threw his blanket on her lower-half body, thinking about how it was not the type of posture one should take when being naked.

“I’m getting a bit interested in you two, so I plan to stick with you for a while.”

Loren was about to reply how troublesome that would be, when he suddenly realized how much of a danger letting an Evil God loose could be.

So far, Loren was aware of only three Evil Gods roaming the world: Gluttony, Lust, and Sloth. He had no ideas what kind of havoc they were planning to wreck though. If they didn’t cause a mayhem, he wouldn’t care about them whatsoever. But in case they were scheming something, it’d be better to keep an eye on one of them. That way they could at least try to prevent get caught up in their mess again. And Gula was the one least mentally-taxing to be around.

“Of course, I’ll help you guys out, and do nice things for you. Just repay me with lodging and food expenses.”

“Food expenses will be outrageous in your case.”

“But I can make lots of money, don’t you think? So, what’s it going to be?”

Feeling troubled, Loren looked at Lapis, but she silently cast her eyes down once she noticed his gaze. Realizing that she was somehow leaving the decision to him, Loren pondered for a while, then said.

“Don’t cause us troubles.”

“Hope you won’t mind my food expenses.”

Gula showed them an easy smile.

Lapis pressed a hand to her forehead as if trying to suppress a headache and told Loren:

“In the past few days, Gula has consumed enough food for ten or so restaurants, so be prepared.”

What she meant was, his payment was already used up. Loren had begun to feel like turning Gula away, but he still managed to grit out:

“…Add it to my debts.”

“No, let’s split it in half.”

Only

“Ahaha, I really can make money, so please treat me well!”

As Gula smiled nonchalantly and scratched her head, her breast happily jiggled. Loren’s eyes reflexively fixed on them again, and Lapis pinched his cheek with a sullen expression on her face.

Loren didn’t know if his choice would bring them good fortune or bad fortune, but at least this case had ended here. Loren shrugged and let Lapis continue to pinch him.