The Undying Mecha Emperor

"He's going for the Roast Pork!" I shouted in horror to myself.

"Hey! Didn't you say I can finish it all?" I yelled as my hands burst into action as well and began shovelling the roast pork into my mouth.

"CHANGED MY MIND!" Bruce Pang couldn't be bothered to waste time by replying to me properly. He shovelled a huge, juicy chunk of roast pork into his mouth and began munching on it loudly.

While his mouth was working really hard on the juicy roast pork, his hands began to move once more!

"I can't let him take that one!" My eyes blazed with unparalleled fervor when I saw his greedy eyes lock on to a particularly large and juicy chunk of roast pork.

My right hand shot forth at high speed blocked his chopsticks with my own.

Piak!

Bruce Pang's eyes widened in surprise at my strength and accuracy. He probably wasn't expecting such a decisive and powerful reaction from me.

I smirked at him victoriously and was about to jab my chopstick into the juicy roast pork when suddenly…

Piak!

His chopsticks attacked mine with a powerful side swipe and pushed them completely out of position! And at the same time, he had managed to get into perfect striking position!

"Damn this old man is good." I couldn't help but think. "But I'll be damned if I allow you to take this juicy, heavenly slab of roast pork! This is probably the very best slice left on the plate!"

My chopsticks returned to the battleground with renewed vigor and smashed into his chopsticks once more!

"I'M BACK!" They seemed to shout triumphantly.

Piak! Piak! Piak! Piak!

A fierce and brutal exchange no less awe-inspiring than the Principal's earlier fight with the Vice Principal broke out over the juicy chunk of roast pork.

It was a desperate fight with countless close shaves and more glorious comebacks than a web . (A/N: lol)

"Ah sorry, I forgot to take my… Hat." Jeanette Wen opened the door just as our battle was heating up to its climax!

I was using one chopstick to attack and was trying to use the other one to poke a hole into the roast pork, while Bruce Pang was parrying my chopstick with one of his and aiming his other chopstick to smash the top of my other chopstick!

It was a messy fight and I finally couldn't take it anymore.

I released my chopsticks, grabbed his hand using my right hand and sent my left hand snaking in to steal the roast pork directly from right under his nose.

But he wouldn't have any of it!

His own left hand snaked forward as well and blocked mine!

I quickly dodged his hand and tried to take the meat from another angle, but he blocked it too!

I've met my match and a newfound respect for my opponent appeared in my eyes.

Apparently, Bruce Pang was impressed by me as well and he nodded in approval.

As though we had agreed beforehand, we suddenly disengaged and smiled at each other.

​ "Bravo! Bravo!!" Bruce Pang clapped excitedly. "You're a true fighter! From this day onwards, you're my little brother!!"

"You're not too bad yourself!" I cried out in awe. "Truly worthy to be my elder brother! Please accept this toast from your little brother!"

I raised my cup of tea and clashed it heartily against his, and we both drained it.

After that cup of tea, I officially have an elder brother!

And that, my readers, is the secret story of how Bruce Almighty Pang became my sworn brother.

Jeanette Wen's mouth dropped along with the hat that she was holding in her hand.

She was stunned. Of course she was stunned.

She had been married to Bruce Pang for a full thirty years, and not once had he shown any sincere care towards ANYONE except for her and his remaining family members. And to think he actually took in a little brother based on nothing but a… CHOPSTICK FIGHT OVER ROAST PORK?

"ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?" She roared in anger. "BRUCE FREAKING PANG! You refused to take my cousins, my nieces and my nephews as even god-damn outer disciples, and now you're here taking in SWORN BROTHERS?!"

"Hey! Stop shouting at me!" Bruce Pang shouted back at his wife. "Why are you back here? I thought you're going to disturb little Shella?"

"I forgot my hat…" Jeanette Wen glanced at her hand and realized that she had dropped the hat that she had returned for. She quickly bent down to pick it up and then resumed her shouting at Bruce Pang.

"WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?!" She demanded loudly.

"Nothing. We had a friendly fight over a piece of roast pork, and fought to a draw. Then I made him my sworn brother!" Bruce Pang summarized the events from the past few seconds very succinctly.

Events which Jeanette Wen had seen with her own eyes and didn't require any summary of, of course. And which was also definitely not the answer she was looking for.

"That's not the answer I am looking for!" She shouted at Bruce Pang.

"Then what answer are you looking for?" Bruce Pang shouted back at her impatiently.

"I… Well." Jeanette Wen sputtered for a moment before asking, "Why?"

"I like him." Bruce Pang answered very simply with a confident smile.

"You… like him? Haha… Haha…" Jeanette Wen was positively furious at that moment.

Not at me, of course, although I was the indirect cause. It was over the fact that Bruce Pang had rejected taking in so many spectacular students as disciples for so many long years despite her best efforts! And then, without even knowing ANYTHING about me, so simply and due to such a ridiculously insignificant event… He… He...

Munch. Munch. Munch.

Bruce Pang's ear twitched and then he whirled around at full speed to look at the plate of roast pork (which was missing a very prominent piece of juicy slab of meat) in horror.

"Little brother!! You!! You took the juicy roast pork while I was distracted by your sister in law??"