To Kiss An Idol

64 The Flashback – The Shattered Heart

After thanking my neighbour, I ran back to my house, took a quick bath, and left for his house. I was scared as well as excited. I was over the moon that he chose me but was scared that I lost him because I cheated on him. Why didn’t I pick up his call last night? Why didn’t I let him speak?

My heart was jumping up and down in my chest. I could hear my heartbeat. It was getting difficult for me to breathe. I was dying because of anticipation. I had no idea what lay waiting for me in his house. Would he too be waiting for me as eagerly as I was running towards him?

At that moment I was not thinking about anything other than Ritvik. I didn’t care for my work, I didn’t care for my family, I didn’t care for his family. All I cared about was spending my life together with him. As I said I was a fool.

The cab stopped in front of his building. Before getting out, I exhaled and inhaled multiple times to calm myself down. I wanted to run but my legs were not working. Slowly, I went to his room, but my face fell when I saw that the door was locked from the outside. No one was there. I tried knocking even though I knew no one was inside.

Hearing all that knocking, abruptly his neighbour opened his door.

“You are Nivritti, right?” he asked.

“Yes,” I replied.

“Right! This is for you,” he said and reached for his pocket. He took out a key and handed it to me.

“What is this?” I asked.

.....

“The key to Ritvik’s house,” he replied casually.

But I was taken aback. “Why do you have that? Where is Ritvik? Why did he give this to you?” I asked urgently.

“Oh, that. He came with a girl early morning. There were movers with him. Hearing all that noise, I came outside and asked him about it. He said he didn’t need this room anymore and was selling everything. The whole day he was here, and, in the evening, he came knocking at my door. He said that he had to go shopping and then he will return back to Rajasthan. He left something for you inside and left the key with me,” explained the neighbour and shut the door in my face.

He was with a girl? My heart sank again. What did he mean that he had to go shopping? What girl? What shopping? Why shopping? And what did he leave for me inside? He had to go back to Rajasthan? I thought he came back for me, but he was returning the same day. What was happening? The answer was locked inside the room.

I had no courage to enter inside. I stood outside the room for minutes trying to put the key in the lock. Finally, after minutes, I turned the key in the lock and after exhaling a big puff of breath, I pushed the door open.

An empty room greeted me. All the furniture, his chair, his table, his mattress, his pillow, his writing equipment, all were gone. A red, shiny card was placed neatly on the floor in the middle of the room. I closed the door behind me and walked up to the card curious to find out what that was.

I picked up the card and read the cover. My knees gave in, and I fell down to the floor. The card dropped from my hands. The red card was staring at me. I wanted to cry but a loud chuckle escaped from my mouth. The chuckle then turned into a loud laugh. I kept laughing and laughing till my stomach started to ache.

I was rolling on the floor with laughter. I was worried about how I would tell him that I cheated but I was not a cheater. He finished our relationship way before I cheated on him. I was laughing at my own foolishness. I drank because of him, I slept with a stranger because of him, I stopped enjoying my life’s achievements because of him, I became a killer because of him, I broke all ties with my family because of him and that asshole didn’t have the courtesy to hand me this card on his own. He had to leave it lying on the floor for me to see. And he brought a girl with him for shopping... FOR SHOPPING.

He said that he wanted to talk to me and now I knew what he wanted to talk about. I was angry that he couldn’t say it to my face. I sat up on my knees and kept laughing. Slowly my laugh changed into small giggles and those giggles changed into small sobs. Ultimately, my small sobs turned into a wail.

The room being empty, my own wails were coming back to haunt me. The room was filled with echoes of my crying.

I looked at the card with tear-filled eyes. Big bold letter saying “Ritvik weds Sushma” was staring at me. He was getting married. He brought the girl with whom he was getting married to, for shopping for their marriage. Within one month of me getting pregnant, him leaving me, him talking to his parents, them saying no, he decided to get married and didn’t even have the courage to come and talk to me. He left a piece of paper to do his job.

Did he ever love me? Was my love even real? Or was that just an illusion? Did I spend my almost two years with him, living with him, loving him, spending all my time with him or it was just an imagination of mine?

I cried and cried and cried. My tears were soaking up the card. Even the heavens felt my pain and started crying with me. That night I remember it rained cats and dogs. My eyes started burning due to constant crying. My head was already pounding due to the hangover and now it was on fire after hours of crying.

I finally opened the envelope. A wedding invitation and a few papers were inside it. After finding the papers I wiped my tears to see better. A few sheets were the rent agreement that was in my name. He rented the place in my name and with my money. The last sheet of paper was a letter addressed to me. It read:

“Dear Ritz,

First of all, I am very sorry that you don’t want to see me or speak to me. I went to your apartment, but you were not there. I called your number 100 times, but you never picked up.

I can explain to you how sorry I am that my parents didn’t approve of you, didn’t approve of our relationship. I didn’t know how to tell you that they forced me into this marriage and sent that girl with me for our wedding shopping.

No matter what I said, they were not ready to listen to me. I am not like you, brave and independent, I cannot go against my family. I have to marry this girl. My dad said that she was the perfect one for me. But I know in my heart that you are my perfect love.

No matter where I am, no matter how I am, I will never stop loving you. You are my first love, and you will be my first love. No one can replace... you. I love you.

P.S. this card is just to inform you that I am getting married. Please don’t come to my marriage and make a scene.

Yours

Ritvik.”

That condescending bastard had the nerve to ask me not to come to his marriage as if I was about to go and make a scene, as if he was so important that I would go to his marriage and bare my heart in front of everyone. He still thought that my life revolved around him.

I crumpled the paper and tore it into pieces. I was not satisfied even after doing that, so I stepped on every piece of paper and crushed it under my feet.

I picked up the soaking wet card and placed the rent agreement inside it. I was worried about why I was not numb even after drinking so much. But after reading his letter and seeing his wedding card, I was numb. I had no emotions left in me.

I stepped in the rain and started walking. I have no idea how long I kept walking or for how many hours I kept walking. The card in my hand was on the verge of falling apart when I somehow reached my house... my old house... my parents’ house.

I rang the doorbell. My mom opened the door and as soon as she saw me, she wailed loudly, and my father came out. I remember that at that moment I was not crying as I was empty of tears. I just stood at the threshold, dripping wet with a red card in my hands. I looked at my crying mother and father and everything went blank.