Tondemo Skill de Isekai Hourou Meshi

Translated by Zzonkedd

Edited by Gumihou and Onionpi

Giant Cockroaches kept attacking us as we made our way through the 17th floor. [1] [8] Horrifyingly enough, I think I’m developing a slight immunity against the sight of them.

[6] Not really.

I tried to rationalise my fear. They were giant roaches! So, of course, they’re scary! However, what really disgusted me is the way they skitter on walls and ceilings in that creepy ‘kasa kasa’ way.

What’s worse…

Oh yes, it gets worse.

What’s even worse was that these Shiny Black Things could fly!

[8] The first time I saw one flying I had to dive to the floor with a wheezing ‘hhiiiiiii!!’

[8] I had been doing better until the flying ones appeared. After that, I just lowered my eyes and concentrated on picking up Drops with my thongs.

I picked stuff off the floor with a sense of detachment, noting vaguely that the number of things I’m picking up seems to be increasing…

In fact, it increased to the point that not even the combined power of Fer, Sui and Dora-chan could cleanly sweep the Things away. After a couple of warning shouts from Elland-san who rescued my near catatonic self, I decided that enough was enough.

[8] I’m going to properly defend myself.

[8] After all, these are B Rank monsters. The first party I hired, [Will of Iron] told me that it took all of their combined strength to defeat just one B Rank monster. Weak as I am, if one, no, even if half of a damaged Black Thing broke past my familiar’s iron wall, I could end up badly injured.

After wallowing in the trauma, my practical side took over and I began to think of ways to properly defend myself. There’s my spear, but though it could probably pierce through the insect shells I can’t swing it fast enough to strike at their vital points.

So that left chemical warfare.

In the past, I had depended on chemical warfare to fight against these things. Considering how effective Herbicide was against Evil Plants, I’m pretty confident that [Net Super’s] Insecticide would probably work against these horrors as well.

Only… I’d have to reveal the [Net Super] in front of Elland-san.

To be fair, Elland-san already knew quite a few of my secrets. [2] Any of which would spell trouble for me if made known to the world. This dragon otaku elf is a strange one, but he’s pretty trustworthy. Especially since I have access to dragon carcasses and Dora-chan.

What made me hesitate was Elland-san himself.

Insecticide is basically poison. Considering the powerful effects Herbicide has on local plants, I have no idea how Other World poisons, even mild ones, would work on Elves.

Although he’s a little strange Elland-san’s been pretty trustworthy thus far. [5] In this confined place if there’s really something in the insecticide that could somehow harm Elland-san… [5] I really don’t know how to live with myself

[6] I’ll have to think of something that isn’t poison and yet is still effective against these Black Things. If I recall correctly, alcohol could interfere with the breathing system of these things. I’d personally never tried them out since I really don’t fancy the idea of having to pick up their dead bodies from my nice clean floors…

But this isn’t my house and the bodies will disappear after they died so I could probably throw bottles of vodka or alcoholic dishwashing liquid at them. I’d have to use glass bottles like beer bottles or something. Though, most of the bottles I have are plastic…

Oh, oh, how about that thing!

[9] Freezing Insecticide!

I’d used it several times in my past life since it doesn’t contain any kind of poison and is safe to use around food. [2] Ah, but I ended up putting it away because it takes so much longer for the Black Things to die compared to proper insecticide. Nevertheless, it’s worth a try since everything seems to have an enhanced effect in this world. If I can get something suitable for spraying like the weed killer thing last time, I could fight alongside Elland-san instead of cowering in fear!

[6] I will conquer these Black Things!

[6] … let’s do that when we stop at the next safe area. Opening up [Net Super] in the middle of this infested passageway seems like a risky thing to do.

[8] Coincidentally, just as I was done with my personal crisis, we had reached the entrance of the safe area. [1] Fer and the rest were starting up their usual ‘I’m hungry!’ chorus, [6] which was just perfect because I wanted to look through the [Net Super] for my next weapon. [5]

The safe area was empty, which was a relief.

[4] “Hmm, I do believe the unexpected rise in the number of special creatures in the previous floor must have prevented people from coming down here,” Elland-san observed.

[8] [4] “I supposed, normal Adventurers would have turned around by now,” I grumbled under my breath,

Still, there was no helping it. My familiars, the ones who wanted to come to this dungeon, were also my protectors. I should feed them well before we continue on our way.

Lunch was Gyudon topped with lots of sliced Golden Back Bull’s meat. [1] Since Elland-san is also a big eater, I served up a large bowl of Gyudon for him too.

For a moment, the only sounds within the safe area were the ‘paku paku’ of everyone gobbling down their meals, interspersed with the occasional ‘This is really good!’.

As for me…

I… can’t bring myself to even think about eating. I know I needed to eat, so let’s look through [Net Super] for something refreshing. I’ll need to buy a suitable Freezing Insecticide too.

I opened [Net Super] and-

““Oi, is it alright to use that while that guy is here?”” Fer immediately commented. Ahaha, he’s so sharp.

“Aaah,” I said out loud, “I’m thinking about getting something that could be used to defeat Those Things. Also, I believe we’ll be running out of food sooner or later. Above all, I believe we can trust Elland-san.”

“I see, well, if master says so. If you’re opening that, I want a drink. The black one.”

I chose a large 2-litre bottle of cola for Fer.

Dora-chan and Sui immediately crowded over.

““Unfair! I want that black drink too! And pudding!””

““Sui wants the black drink too~ and cake~””

[4] “Yes, yes,” I said agreeably. “Everyone has worked hard. So, let’s treat ourselves a little.”

“M-m-m-mukouda-san? Uh, uh, wh- what is that?”

“Ah, so Elland-san noticed it too?” I said with my it’s-all-very-normal smile. “This is a special skill of mine, I can use it to purchase food and other useful things from another world.”

“…another world?”

[8] “…this is a special skill of mine, I can use it to purchase food and other useful things,” I repeated, this time leaving ‘another world’ out of the explanation.

[8] “I- I see…”

[6] “… …”

[8] “I’ve never heard of such skills before.”

[6] I tried to think of what to say to this, but, even the gods and goddesses were amazed by this skill so, “I’m probably the only person with this skill.”

“You must be right. I consider myself pretty familiar with most skills, but… I supposed some skills are kept secret for one reason or another. It would not be strange for me to have never heard of certain skills.”

[8] My smile widened, “Naturally, I would appreciate it very much if Elland-san could keep this confidential.”

“Yes! Yes, you have shown me much trust by revealing this skill before me. I would never dare to betray Mukouda-san’s most precious trust. I’d never get to see Dora-chan again, that’s like telling me to go die. Hahaha!”

“… …” Elland-san, just how much of a dragon otaku are you?

Never mind, let’s not look at a gift horse in the mouth.

In the end, I picked out a small carton of yoghurt and an extra milky café au lait along with everybody’s orders. I’d also checked out 50 bottles of vodka and 20 cans of Freezing Insecticide. Oh, and desserts as a reward for my precious familiars from the Fujiya shop.

[8] When the cardboard box appeared, Elland-san’s face paled just a little bit more…

Please read this at dot com ~

[5]

[6] I poured the cold, fizzy cola into clean bowls and set them out for my familiars. After a nice and filling meal like gyudon with plenty of rice, there’s something about having a cold fizzy drink that makes one go ‘aaaahhhh…’

Elland-san observed everything with great interest. He still looked a little pale, but as a gourmet elf, I guess he can’t help his curiosity?

[6] [8] Finally, he opened his mouth and asked, “What’s that black drink? Is it good? Everyone’s drinking it, even Dora-chan. Is it some kind of nectar?” [5]

“Well, I guess the pitch-black colour is kind of off-putting if you aren’t used to it, but it’s really good,” a beat. “Would you like to try some?”

“J-just a little,”

He still looked a little nervous. So I got out a little pottery cup and half-filled it with cola before handing it to Elland-san.

“Ahem,” [6] Elland-san sniffed the drink. His nose twitched from the bubbles. Then, he looked over at Dora-chan who was leaning back with a burp. Dora-chan’s bowl was empty.

With a determined look on his face, Elland-san downed his cup of cola.

Gulp.

Bottoms up!

[6] “Ahhh! Hic! Burp! Excuse me,”

“Ahahaha, it’s a carbonated drink, so that’s normal,” I said cheerfully.

“Hmm, hmm, I had wondered what it would taste like, but oh, it’s delicious! Sweet, but that’s not all. The prickly sensation makes it go down the throat easily and the cold! That added to the sensation too! I- burp, excuse me.”

I refilled Elland-san’s cup to the brim. I also refilled my familiar’s bowls and gave them their desserts.

Two Strawberry Shortcakes for Fer; a standard custard pudding and a baked pudding for Dora-chan; Sui has a Limited Edition Seasonal Fruit Shortcake and a variation of a classic, a Melon Montblanc.

Naturally, I gave Elland-san a dessert too. A Strawberry Shortcake with plenty of cream.

Elland-san was very impressed by the beauty of the dessert.

“Th- this… isn’t this… art?”

“As mentioned, my skill allows me to access all kinds of delicious and rarely seen food,” I smiled, knowing that this is the opportunity to press my advantage.

“Wow! That’s really… and Mukouda-san’s cooking?”

“It’s my cooking, but I have access to all kinds of rare sauces and seasonings that can’t be easily found here.”

“I see, I see, in short as long as I’m around you, I get to eat all kinds of delicious things.”

“Umu, master’s food is delicious. The cakes that master has access to is also very delicious,” Fer sounded very proud of this, although I’m not sure why…

“Well, I’m glad you think my cooking is delicious,” let’s focus on that. “Also, Elland-san, you probably can’t taste anything like that in this world. So please, do try it.”

Elland-san picked up his fork and scooped up a little white cream, “Oh, it’s sweet!”

[6] “Try and have it with a bit of cake, berry and cream,” I encouraged.

[6] “Is that the recommended way of eating? Ah, I feel bad for ruining such a gorgeous work of art, yet it’s somehow really satisfying to break such a beautiful thing… oh! Oh!”

While Elland-san was having his first experience with Japanese style Strawberry Shortcake, I opened up my carton of yoghurt. [6] Ahh, my stomach feels blessed. It’s sweet and creamy and refreshingly sour.

As for the café au lait, ahhh, the sugar hit! The caffeine!

I’m going to need both to get through the rest of this floor.

According to Fer, we’re about three quarters through, so that means a short distance more and a boss room where a humungous amount of Big Black Things would appear. I can’t be less than alert.

This time, I’m going to fight back.

My preparations are completed.

I will drive out the Big Black Things!

Curse you! Let’s get killing!

[Gumihou: Yeah, you can do it!]

[1] Structural Change: Combine 2 paragraphs

[2] Structural Change: Combine 3 paragraphs

[3] Structural Change: Combine paragraph & dialogue

[4] Structural Change: Change passive sentence to dialogue

[5] Delete Repetitive or Pointless Information

[6] Additional Information for Aesthetic Purpose

[7] Add Dialogue Tag

[8] Creative Licence Taken

[9] Freezing insecticide – It exists! Made in Japan, of course, lol!

https://www.earth.jp/en/products/kourasu-jet-spray-300/index.html

Strawberry Shortcake pic from

https://japanjulia.tumblr.com/post/68268472160