Tondemo Skill de Isekai Hourou Meshi

“Fuuhh~~ well, that’s it for the internal organs~” Elland-san sang as he grabbed a cloth from his belt with his blue-stained hands to wipe the sweat from his blue-stained forehead.

He looked extremely happy and satisfied.

Even though this weirdo Elf was a weirdo, he had a high-spec, beautiful face. Moreover, instead of looking dirty and grubby after working for hours digging through intestines, spleen and whatnot, the sweat on his face seemed to make him sparkle even more.

It must be amazing to be so good-looking.

I can’t help but respect his dedication [1], the way he pulled out the large and small intestines with a refreshing smile on his face was just… it reminded me of those farming shows with close-ups of incredibly happy farmers holding up piles of unmentionable, pixilated things up to the camera.

“Next, I shall take off the head. Ahhh~~ I really look forward to taking the head apart~~” Elland-san giggled to himself as he said, “There are lots of interesting materials in the head~ eyeballs, fangs, teeth, brains, skull~~ Oh but, Bram-sama said that I should do that inside the Royal Capital Adventurer’s Guild Warehouse…”

I guess it makes sense since things like eyes and teeth would be super valuable.

“Let’s go~~”

Elland-san skipped towards the head with the magic sword Caladbolg in hand. With a swift ‘slash’ the head disconnected from the precarious bit of skin and bone it was attached to.

“What a shame, what a shame,” he murmured as he patted the Leviathan head. I ignored him as I pushed the head into my [Item Box].

“Ahh~~”

Nope, I am not going to look back.

“Levy~”

Okay, I looked. It was instant regret. Elland-san had one hand stretched out, in a ‘reluctant parting with lover’ pose.

Eww.

Why did I give in to the temptation to look backwards?

“Hey! Don’t even think about slacking off just because Moira-sama isn’t here!” I shouted at him. Everyone else was too busy doing their best to organise things or running security, so I was put in charge of making sure this fellow was not doing anything too weird. “She’ll get angry if you don’t do your job properly!”

“I-I know! I’m doing my work properly!”

As for why Moira-sama was not here, there was a bit of a commotion earlier and most of the people in charge had run off to check whatever the situation was. Personally, I’m not at all worried since aside from the numerous people running security, Fer and Grandpa Gon’s barriers are still standing. [2]

“Well, now that the blood had been drained, organs and head taken off, the next thing to do is to skin the Leviathan. I expect that most of the professional dismantlers would have arrived by then,” said Elland-san cheerfully.

As though he had summoned them, a bunch of sturdy-looking people with large cleavers and swords strapped to their waists began to arrive. Among them was Johan from Carelina who waved at me, so I waved back.

The dismantlers got to work swiftly and quietly, as expected of pros.

Peeling the skin off the flesh was troublesome but nothing too complicated, apparently. Bram-san wanted the pieces of skin to be as large as possible, but still as a useable size, so he was there to direct Elland-san to cut the peeled-off skin with the magic sword. It turns out that while it was not too difficult to skin the creature, the actual scale was still incredibly tough.

It was actually kind of amazing to see these dedicated workers skin the Leviathan. Almost like a work of art. As the more colourful scales were peeled off, only the white flesh of the Leviathan remained.

Splash–

“Eww, Fer!”

“I can’t help it, the thought of being able to feast on the Leviathan today is… slurrrpp.”

“”Big dragon meat~ big dragon meat~~””

For some reason, Sui’s repeated words sounded a lot like chanting…

Well, I hope we really do get to eat the Leviathan, otherwise…

[2] “Speaking of which,” I said to Bram-san who was standing next to me, fiercely observing a very cheerful Elland-san cutting up the Leviathan skin with worrying enthusiasm. “Have there been any cases of theft? I mean, the security seems a little over the top…”

“Umu, Mukouda may have missed it, but we have caught several would-be thieves already. [2a] As the saying goes, it’s not the outsiders we’re afraid of. It’s our own people.”

“Ehh?!”

[2a] “More precisely, it’s the outsiders who came in pretending to be dismantlers, inspectors, security people and others and looking for ways to secret away bits of blood, pieces of scale and bones.” Bram-san gave me a brooding look from under his fringe. “Mukouda-san, I fear you do not understand just what a valuable thing you have in your hands. Just a single drop of blood or even the shavings of a bone cost a fortune.”

“Ah, ahahaha…”

You’re right. I really don’t understand.

Anyway, let’s think about something else. Yes, let’s think about what I should make with this Leviathan flesh. The Leviathan was a long and incredibly large creature. Once the skin had been peeled, they could just lop off pieces of the Leviathan meat for us.

Hopefully.

“I look forward to seeing what Master could do with the Leviathan meat,” Grandpa Gon rumbled.

“”Hyahoo!! Finally!! I can’t wait!!””

Grandpa Gon and Dora-chan had landed beside Fer to stare and drool at the Leviathan.

“Hey, bring that meat home,” Fer said as he pushed at my back with his nose.

“Yes, yes, I know. Stop pushing me!”

I approached the butchering site and called out, “Elland-san, is it alright if I take a piece of meat home?”

Elland-san suddenly turned to me with a sharp look in his eye. “No, absolutely not!!”

“Eh?”

“What was that?” Fer rumbled ominously from the side.

“The dismantling isn’t over yet!”

“Not over yet? What are you trying to say, you miserable Elf?”

“It’s not over yet because we still have to deal with the bones. We must extract all the bones from the meat!”

I-is that the explanation he’s going with? What a lame excuse…

Though I guess Leviathan bones could be valuable?

“Master could just grill the meat with the bones in, right?” Fer turned his ominous gaze at me.

“Well… I guess?”

“No!!” Elland-san suddenly rushed over to grab me by the shoulders and shake me back and forth. “M-m-mukouda-san! Are you saying that you will really grill the meat with the bones? The bones?!”

“Ah…”

“Do you understand just how valuable every single piece of this creature is from a single drop of blood to the very dust of its bones?!! Bones that could be made in medicines, even elixirs! Grafted onto weapons and- and- it’s that very valuable kind of material!!!”

“Oi, what are you-”

“And you! You rude Fenrir, how dare you even propose to-”

[3] On and on it went, my face ended up covered with Elf spit and my shoulders streaked with Leviathan blood. The moment any of my familiars tried to sneak away or speak, Elland-san would actually shriek at them and restart the entire lecture all over again.

Several times, I tried to catch the eye of someone, Bram-san, Willem-san or even Moira-sama to rescue [3] me, but somehow, everyone seemed too busy with their own thing to look this way.

Looks like a crazed Elland-san is just that scary.

[Gumihou: The original ending was a little unrealistic, adjusted it]

[1] Mukouda almost ‘threw up his breakfast’ when the intestines were pulled out, like, bro? I thought you already butchered a few animals? Erased this weird thought fart

[2] Move talk about theft to a later part of the chapter.

[a] Adjust how the ‘theft’ happens. Sneaky instead of an outright attack

[3] Adjust the lecture to make it less unrealistic. Since it was supposed to last 1 hour.