Tondemo Skill de Isekai Hourou Meshi

Eguchi Ren: This chapter was a little last minute (Sweats)

Gumihou: It was a little rushed too, there’s a bit of a loophole here or maybe Mukouda was just too stressed out to think. Anyway, Gumi is going to make use of a ‘special information’. Check note [2]

“Let’s go hunting.”

“… way to spoil my morning,” I muttered over my after-breakfast coffee. After a fortifying sip of caffeine, I said out loud, “We just came back from the Royal Capital. Not to mention, you’ve been to a few big hunts already.”

“That was then, this is now,” insisted Fer.

“Well, I’m tired after the Royal Capital trip. I need time to rest and relax at home.”

“How much time?”

Why is this Fenrir so annoying?

“I’ll have to stick around for when Bruno-san starts construction,” I said evasively.

“And when is that?”

“… in two or three weeks’ time…”

“That means you have two or three weeks of free time, so let’s go.”

“No, I don’t have any free time. I refuse to do anything stressful during those two or three weeks. I want to relax. My mission is rest and relaxation.” There was no way I would ever want to spend my ‘free time’ on a mentally distressing hunt. Free time is for decompressing from stress, so I refuse to be dragged into your schemes.

“What does Master plan to do when you ‘relax’?” asked Grandpa Gon politely.

“Hmm, enjoy my coffee slowly, take naps, look at the garden, all sorts of things.”

Fer and Grandpa Gon exchanged a look.

““Hey, doesn’t that means you do basically nothing?”” asked Dora-chan.

[1] “That’s the idea,” I said.

“Humph, well I don’t want to do that for two or three weeks. It’s more fun to go hunting,” said Fer.

Dora-chan said, “”Hear, hear!””

“”Sui wants to go hunting too~~””

Gunu…

I had hopes but… things were progressing in an all too familiar direction. I closed my eyes and pretended to not see that smug look on Fer’s face. That’s the smug face of someone sure that he had the majority vote.

“As for the location, Grandpa Gon mentioned he knew where a Green Dragon is located, yes? So, let’s hunt that thing down.”

“”That’s right! I want to taste how delicious a Green Dragon is!!””

“”Dragon meaty~~ Dragon meaty~~””

In short, this sudden trip was actually Grandpa Gon’s fault. Tch, I should have just let the other two bruise his ego further instead of helping him.

“Well, I refuse! I don’t want to!”

However, the four continue to chat excitedly about this Green Dragon, completely ignoring my existence and opinions. We just came back from the Royal Capital and now you want to go Green Dragon hunting.

No, I must stop this at all costs.

[2] Wait, that’s right, fufufu, let’s make use of that information~~

[2] “Hey, so, I know you are all very excited about getting hold of a Green Dragon, but have you completely forgotten that I am not at all qualified to dismantle a dragon?”

[2] Grandpa Gon and Dora-chan immediately froze. However, the ever-insensitive Fer said, “So? Just get a professional to do it.”

[2] “Yeah? And do you recall the lone, single professional dismantler who is also the foremost authority on dragons?”

[2] “Of course! It’s… umu, ugh…”

[2] “”Dragon~? Dragon meaty~~?””

[2] “Yeah, explain that to Sui-tan won’t you?” I said triumphantly.

It was as though a cloud of doom settled over the Gluttonous Quartet. I had to give Elland credit. He was so horrifying that even legendary beings hesitated to cross his path. The four of them gathered together in a less cheery huddle.

Before I could become too impressed with my own wit, the words ‘shall we… get rid of him?’ floated to my ear and I quickly introduced another topic, “Hey, have you guys forgotten about something?”

A general chorus of ‘hmm?’ answered me.

“Have you already forgotten what else you hunted while we were at the Royal Capital? The Dragon Turtle! Seriously, you guys really forgot about that?” I said with a forced cheer.

“Umu, Dragon Turtle, it’s been a long time since I tasted that.”

“Indeed, it tasted pretty decent, I wonder how Master will improve it…”

“That’s right! Let’s go to the Adventurer’s Guild now and have them dismantle one. Maybe the one that had been smashed to bits. Since it’s pretty huge, we could get plenty of meat off of it.”

“”I haven’t had any before, I wonder what it tasted like?”” said Dora-chan.

“”Turtle meaty~? Dragon meaty~?”” Sui appeared confused by the creature’s name.

“I think it’s closer to turtle meat,” I said as I got out of my chair. “Let’s go see Willem-san now, the sooner we go, the sooner we get to eat it.”

That’s right, I’m throwing this problem at Willem-san. [1a] While it was mostly my side’s fault for all the trouble he had been facing, he really didn’t have to be so naggy and snide when talking to me. Seriously, it’s not my fault that my familiars are so annoyingly domineering and country-shatteringly powerful.

Also, I’m sure that Johan-san would enjoy dismantling something like a Dragon Turtle all by himself. If he doesn’t have the necessary equipment, I could lend him a mithril knife or magic sword.

“Umu, let’s go.”

“Yes, let’s.”

“”I can’t wait! Woohoo!””

“”Yay~ Meaty~~””

Success! However, let’s not let our guard down as yet.

At the Adventurer’s Guild, I approached the receptionist about my intention to have something large dismantled and was immediately instructed to head to the warehouse. The staff here were all used to my party by now, I guess.

Anyway, while I was at the warehouse, wondering where Johan-san had gone, a tired-looking Willem-san appeared.

“Tch, you could have let me rest for a little longer…” he muttered.

I nodded, “Well, it’s not like I wanted to be here so soon either.”

Willem-san’s face contorted a bit, but he gave a snort and said, “Well, what are you here for?”

“Remember you say that you wanted Carelina to purchase the Dragon Turtle?” I hinted.

“Ah, right,” Willem-san’s face contorted even more.

I feigned ignorance and said innocently, “Is there something wrong?”

“No, no, you just want to have it dismantled, right?”

“Yes, we want the meat from the Dragon Turtle.”

“Well, heh, I’m sorry to say this, but that’s not possible right now.”

“Eh?”

[3] “As you know, Johan travelled to the Royal Capital to participate in the dismantling of the Leviathan…”

[3] “Wait, are you saying that he’s still on his way back?!!” I was horrified! “We should have taken him back with us when we left the Royal Capital!!”

[3] “Well, I doubt he will come anyway. Johan has a younger sister staying at the Royal Capital. He had put in a leave of absence after the Great Dismantling to visit them. This would be the first time they managed to get together as a family, so you can’t expect him to be home so soon. I heard him yell something about how ‘this will be a huge family reunion’ and that it would ‘surpass all other reunions’.”

[3] Willem-san, I can see you smirking at me! Don’t think I didn’t see that smirk on your face!

To wipe the smirk off his face, I leaned in and said, “Well, that’s really bad news. See, I’m in a bit of a pickle, my familiars want to go hunting…”

“So?”

“Ahem, the target in question… is a Green Dragon.”

“… a Green Dragon,” said Willem-san flatly.

“That’s right, a Green Dragon.”

“… …”

“… …”

“Frankly, I would prefer not to meet that person again,” he said at last.

I nodded sympathetically, “I completely understand, I had just pressed this point with my familiars and now they wanted to have the Dragon Turtle as a compromise.

“Don’t you still have a lot of the Leviathan meat?”

“They want something new…”

“… you spoil them, Mukouda-san.”

“I do! I admit it! But what else could I do?!” I hissed at him. “Look here, I have one broken-up Dragon Turtle with me. It had been dropped from a very high altitude and smashed against the ground. I don’t need the entire creature dismantled. Just enough to get me some meat. Don’t tell me you’re going to be like Elland-san and insist on a certain way of dismantling!!”

That final remark hit him in a sore spot.

Wow, looks like no one likes to be compared with Elland-san.

“Fine, I will do my best for you. I’m not the best dismantler, but I know my way around a sword and knife. Since the Dragon Turtle had been smashed open, I will carve out what I can for you.”

“Please!! And thank you!! I just need a nice big chunk. I’ll send you something too, as an apology for this favour! Just leave the rest for Johan-san to take care of once he’s back. Thank you again!!”

“Haahhhh… fine, fine, just leave it to me.”

Hey, I’m fine with grovelling and begging if it gets me out of having to go hunting.

Naturally, Fer and the rest grumbled about not being able to eat the Dragon Turtle right away, but I managed to calm them down by telling them that I had a brand-new recipe for Leviathan meat.

Hopefully, they will enjoy this new dish so much that they forget all about hunting dragons…

[Gumihou: It was pretty long, but I deleted the bit about how Grandpa Gon knows where the Green Dragon is bla bla bla~]

[1] Have Mukouda be less apologetic about wanting to do nothing during his free time.

[1a] Mukouda does have a malicious streak in him, (See bread incident), it makes sense for him to be unhappy about being lectured by Willem for things that were not caused by him.

[2] Threaten them with Elland, because I’d like it better when Mukouda is slightly more intelligent than he appeared in this chapter.

[3] Have Johan’s absence be both plausible and interesting.