Valkyrie Smash

"Alright boys! Lunch is ready!" A middle aged man announced, hitting a frying pan with a ladle.

"Took you long enough." One of the soldiers said.

"Damn I'm hungry!" Another exclaimed.

One after the other, all twelve gathered taking a tray from the nearby stack before forming a line in front of a long table. Two large pots were placed on top, steam rising from each. Beside them was a basket filled with bread and an ice box with a bunch of cans in it.

"Again with the bean soup?" One of them asked.

"You got a problem with my beans?" Said the old man, pointing his ladle at the first in line.

"We eat it three times a week. Are we not allowed to complain?" The second in line peeked his head, looking at the old man with a frown.

"Silence! Be thankful or you can chew on those dry rations for the next two days!!!"

"WE ARE VERY GRATEFUL, SIR! PLEASE ALLOW US TO ENJOY YOUR MEALS!"

One after the other the soldiers were served their food. Some bean soup, meat and potatoes, bread and a nice cold bear. Drinking in broad daylight wasn't advised, especially when on duty outside the base, however the soldiers had to unwind somehow. Not to mention there isn't much normal men could do against the dangers of this apocalyptic world.

They soldiers were one of the scouting units sent out regularly. While the Valkyries handled the red grounds where the likelihood of Calamities appearing increased dramatically, normal soldiers had to go around the purified lands installing equipment, studying the environment and most importantly gathering resources. Though the base recieves supplies regularly, it's always nice to have some fresh ingredients from time to time.

"To think we would find flock of sheep just walking around."

One of the soldiers said, forking a chunk of meat to his mouth. He was a somewhat short guy with buzz cut and just by looking one could see the energetic aura surrounding him. "Real meat sure is different. That synthetic shit is nothing in comparison!" Enjoying the bite for a moment he turned to the guy sitting to his left. "Don't you think so, Jordan?"

​ "Hm? Ah, yeah…" the orange haired man replied before going back to staring at empty space.

"C'mon man! It's been days already!" Brandon, the man sitting beside Jordan, frowned at the the absentminded reply he received. "There is plenty fish in the sea! And it's not like you don't have luck with the ladies!"

"Yeah, she wasn't for you, get over it already." John, the man sitting across from them spoke.

He was the prince type with long blond hair, a handsome face a calm demeanor. One thing for sure is that he's the most popular among his friends.

"It's not that easy…" Jordan said, forcing himself to eat.

"Well, if you weren't an idiot you would've known those two were a thing." Brandon said, laughing mockingly. "Watching you cram your ass between them was really pathetic."

Jordan responded with a glare and the other guy held his hands up and backed away.

"Calm down, I'm just messing around."

"He's right, you know." John said, as calm as ever. "The girl had him in mind from the start. You should've seen it coming much sooner."

"... yeah…" turning back to his food, Jordan grimaced. "I should've."

Brandon and John glanced at each other then sighed. Though they said all of that, the two understood how their friend feeels very well. They knew that he had fallen head over heels for that Asian girl, and how much of a pain a man in love can be. Their only hope was that time would help him forget, though from the looks of it that will take quite while.

"But, damn that Doctor sure is lucky." Brandon said after gulping from his bear. "He has the Valkyries all to himself and now he got a cute girlfriend. What's next? He's doing the commander in secret as well."

"I wouldn't be surprised if that's the case." John said, slowly sipping from his can.

"Give me a break!" Suddenly it seemed like Brandon was the one holding a grudge, going on a rant after finishing his drink in one go. "I don't think I can go on living if someone took Ms. Schneider! Especially if it's that guy! What's wrong with him anyways!? When did geeks suddenly become popular!?"

"He's quite handsome, you know." John replied.

"C'mon! He isn't that special!" Brandon replied.

"And really good at bed." John followed.

Suddenly the drunk fool froze. Jordan twitched once, showing that he was listening even if it didn't look like it.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked.

"Lara went to the same college as him." John spoke calmly. "Apparently one of her friends hooked up with him once and she hasn't been able to enjoy sex ever since."

"... seriously?" Brandon said.

"Yup."

A moment of silence passes. Jordan wasn't the only one who lost his appetite as Brandon sat down and stared at his plate. Only John went on to finish his food unbothered by the heavy atmosphere.

"Hey, isn't he, like, really dangerous?" Brandon said after a while.

"Why so?" John asked.

"I mean, if he really is that good, aren't you afraid that the women will start going after him? We already have enough competition as is, we don't need someone with a golden dick to hoard them all."

"Aren't you blowing it up out of proportion?" Jordan finally broke his silence. "He's already taken, and most girls despise him. Besides, do you really think he's that good?"

"Who knows?" John said. "But Brandon got a point."

"Really?" The guy in question looked the most surprised.

"Well, I don't really care who he dates or hooks up with, but it still rubs me the wrong way that he gets to spend time with the Valkyries."

"Oy yeah…" Brandon said, looking up as if remembering something. "You're a Zero Three devotee."

"Pedophile." Jordan said with a snort.

At that moment John suddenly snapped, slamming his fist onto the table sending a glare at the orange head.

"I dare you to say that aga-"

Seeing the two smirking at him the blond guy realized that he had fallen for their trap.

"I know she's cute and all but… seriously man? She looks like a middle schooler." Said Brandon. "I prefer Nine much more. I want to suck those giant milkers of hers till the day I die."

"Hmph, I expected nothing more from a primitive ape like you. Only thinking with your dick." John said, looking at his friend with condescending eyes. "Zero Three's smile is the light that guides us to a better tomorrow! Without her we would never have the will to go on living!"

"And you wonder why people call you a pedophile." Brandon said with a shrug.

"Why you-"

Before he could retaliate, John heard a sound coming from his pocket. Cheking his phone he noticed that a message just arrived and when he opened it his eyes almost popped out.

The sender was one of acquaintances in the base, a Zero Three fan just like him. It said [You won't believe who's here today!!!] And with it came a photo with none other than the young Valkyrie. She was in the cafeteria, sitting at a table as if it's the most normal thing in the world eating breakfast along with none other than the Doctor and his girlfriend.

"What's up?" Jordan asked, walking over to take a look. Brandon did the same and they both ended up just as shocked.

"This… it's from this morning, right?" Brandon asked.

"There is signal here?" Jordan followed.

"There is, but it's weak…" John replied, his voice shaking.

Just then another message arrived followed with the photo of a T-shirt with some words written on it.

[Got an autograph!!!]

"... Seriously?" Brandon said with a short laugh. "Guess we really picked the short straw, huh? Too bad for you, John."

"... that bastart…" John said, his voice hoarse.

"Um… John?" Jordan said.

"He's eating with her like it's something normal." The blond guy said, his eyes locked on the shot with Sam, Shizuru and Zero Three eating together as if there is nothing strange about it. "Who does he think he is?"

"Now that you said it, the Valkyries don't usually wonder around the base, right?" Brandon asked. "Could it be that he's the one who invited her?"

Messages began to arrive one after the other, all from people who managed to get autographs from the young Valkyrie. John and the others were on duty and would be out for the entire day. It should be known that there is no signal this far from the base, even so the ones who sent the messages did so anyways knowing he might not receive them, meaning they couldn't wait till he comes back to rub it in his face.

He had missed the chance to meet his idol. Realizing that something broke inside the blond guy.

"You were right, Brandon." He said, still looking at his phone with eyes wide open.

"Um… what?"

"We need to do something about him…" John went on. "He's too dangerous to be left alive."

There is nothing strange about being a Valkyrie fan however some take it way too far sometimes. Seeing those two being so casual to their goddess, the fanatics would surely lose their minds and it just so happens that John was that type of guy.