Villain Retirement

"Why can't I even find one!?"

"Roan, relax."

"How can I relax!? I know I'm bad at tracking, but not to this point!"

"..."

Alas, Roan's frustrated breaths once again echoed through the air; traveling across the literal rocky path they find themselves in. 4 hours inside the dungeon, and the Leville party has still not hunted even a single monster.

Riley already expected this, of course. Because as long as he was with them, all the animals and beasts in the area would avoid them. However, Riley was at least expecting the one they are hunting now to not have the same instincts as the rest of the monsters—Orcs.

And similar to their literary definition back on Earth, they were humanoid pigs. And since they were humanoid, Riley thought they would just be the same as the other species he have encountered from the other planets—completely oblivious to what Riley is.

But alas, unfortunately for the Leville party, it would seem not.

"Fuck!" Roan continued to let out his frustration, stomping his foot several times as he screamed, "Orcs should be one of the easiest ones to track. They literally leave a trail of mess… so where are they!?"

"Roan, maybe they—"

"Look!" Roan then crouched on the floor, before sticking his face suspiciously close to what seemed like… feces, "This is orc shit! It's orc shit, I know it!"

"Roan…"

"What!? It looks like orc shit, It smells like orc shit, it feels like orc shit. What, you want me to taste it too!? Huh!? Huh!?" Roan then stuck his tongue out, threatening to truly touch the fecal matter.

Lilly and Bert could really only cover their faces and shake their heads. As for Riley, his head was tilted to the side, wondering if Roan would truly do what he said he would do.

"Let's… maybe just take a few breaths to rest," Lilly then said as she just sat on a boulder nearby, "You said they camp here, right?"

"...They should be here," Roan sighed as he just pulled away from the feces, slightly disappointing Riley as he did so, "There should at least be 5 of them here, there are even marks of them fornicating here. It's dry and cold, but the ground is a little moist."

"..." Lilly quickly stood up from the boulder as she heard Roan's words.

"Maybe we could…"

And as the team continued to discuss their next steps, Riley could really only just sigh; shaking his head to himself. If the Leville team doesn't hunt any monsters, then it also meant that he won't be getting any commissions—and since this was his fault, he felt like he needed to do something.

And so, he closed his eyes… focusing his hearing to find any sound similar to a pig. Riley hated using this ability, but it didn't take long for him to find something—the orcs… they were just behind the formations of rocks near them, hiding.

"..." Riley could really only sigh as he turned to look at the spots where they were hiding. And after a few seconds, he used his telekinesis to control the orcs.

"Ourk!?"

"Urk!"

And as soon as he did so, the orcs began shrieking… all 30 of them.

"Oh…" Riley was expecting the orcs to be green or greyish in color, as that was how they were mostly portrayed by Earth's media—but this planet's orcs were peach, truly similar to that of a hog one could find inside a farm.

And while Riley was amazed by this discovery, the rest of the Leville party were currently holding their breaths.

"F… fuck," Roan could not help but take a step back as he saw the orcs coming out one by one. And it wasn't only him, both Lilly and Bert quickly grabbed their weapons; their throats, gulping on their own as they watched the orcs approaching them.

"We're… trapped," Lilly whispered as she looked everywhere, only to see nothing but a wall behind them, "We… we need to fight."

"...Bring it on," Bert gritted his teeth as he tightened the grip on his hammer; kissing it as he stared at the onslaught of orcs very slowly approaching them, "It's... hammerin' time."

"..." Roan, on the other hand, had a smile on his face, "I told you so! I… I was right!"

Roan then grabbed knives from his waist, before being the first to rush toward the horde.

"I'll… see you guys in hell!"

***

"We… we did it?"

And almost after an entire hour, the Leville party found themselves surrounded by nothing but corpses; their bodies, wrapped in their blood and blood that was not theirs. Suffice it to say, the three looked even more dead than some of the orcs.

"We… did it," Lilly dropped her spear to the ground, letting herself fall on an orc's belly and resting there, "Fucking… what the fuck."

"I… can't even move anymore," Bert also let go of his hammer. He wanted to pick it up, but all he did was use the last strength of his legs, causing them to just give out.

"Good work, Leville party." As for Riley, he just once again clapped his hands as he emerged from one of the boulders. He was initially going to help the team at first, but when he saw that they might actually be able to subdue the orcs, he just chose to watch and relax on the side,

"F… fuck," Roan looked at Riley; his breaths, now all gasps, "You… you're completely clean!?"

"I suppose they don't attack aliens."

"..."

"..."

"Pft."

The Leville party could really only burst out into laughter; celebrating their success while holding their ribs to make sure they don't fully crack.

"How… are we even going to bring all of these out? You need to bring our cart, Riley."

"...You think this is enough to rank our team up to 2-Star?"

"...I kinda want to quit."

"Heh…" Lilly gasped for breath, trying her best not to let out a chuckle, "We need to—fuck."

And before Lilly could finish her words, she quickly grabbed the spear she dropped on the floor. She tried to stand up, but all she could do was kneel; her eyebrows, furrowing.

"...What?"

Roan and Bert quickly looked toward where Lilly was looking, only to see another team making their way toward them with smiles on their faces.

"He…hehe…" The leader of the party, a tall skinny woman, giggled as they looked at all the orc corpses in their path, "I guess I'm just going to seek your apology…?"

"Fuck you," Lilly held her ribs, using her spear as a support to lift herself up, "This… this is ours. Just go away."

"Don't fucking mess with us!" Roan also stood up; his voice, shaking as he looked at the 5 people approaching them, "You… you think we can't kill you!?"

"Come on, be realistic," the leader of the other team sighed and shook her head, "Just consider this as bad luck. You guys can't even carry all of this in your condition."

"Our porter is strong as fuck!" Roan screamed, "He can lift all of this by himself!"

"..." The leader of the other team looked at Riley for a few seconds, before shaking her head and looking at her group. And after a few seconds, they all nodded to each other and unsheathed their weapons.

"...Shit," Bert, who truly did not want to fight, could really only go for his hammer again. But before he could even grab it, Riley suddenly stood in front of him…

…casually picking up the hammer.

"I apologize, other hunters…

…but this is ours."