Wooing my Bodyguard Wife

In the bathroom, Li Yue Niang's face froze with a snarl. In comparison, Sun Haowei snorted behind her hand, looking smug now that reinforcements have arrived.

"Mom! Don't do something stupid!" Her daughter called out anxiously from outside. Yue Niang's heart stuttered - her daughter was here? How much did she know about her?

"Wife, please come out and let Sun Haowei go. I know you're not canoodling with him inside!" Li Tai Cheng continued.

"I could be!" Yue Niang retorted, just so she could see Sun Haowei's face twist in disgust. Outside, there were several retching noises, the loudest of it coming from her daughter.

"Mom! What the fuck!" Xue Ning screamed.

"Gross!" Jingwei called out. "Father, you can't be serious!"

If Sun Haowei could make a sound, he'd yell at his dumbass son. Once again, he was focused on the wrong thing!

"And Mrs Li, can you let my father go?" Jingwei asked, knocking politely on the floor. "I promise I won't have you arrested or killed!"

Yue Niang gave a derisive snort and finally moved her hand away from Sun Haowei's mouth. There was no real point in keeping him quiet now that the cat was out of the bag. Instead, her fingers squeezed Sun Haowei's face.

"Even if you did, your father definitely wouldn't let me off!" Yue Niang yelled at the door. "Can I get it in writing?"

"Like hell!" Sun Haowei glared up at her, hissing so hard that spit escaped his lips. Yue Niang pulled a face. "Jingwei, you'd better not do that!"

Yue Niang glared down at him. "Then you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives in this bathroom!"

"Bring it on!" Sun Haowei declared hotly. "I'll outlive you!"

"Father, don't be stupid," Jingwei cajoled from the other end, "you can't outfight Xue Ning's mom. I can't outfight her either. Just let this go! Besides, you guys haven't seen each other in over twenty years. You should take this chance to reconnect."

Jingwei said this, but he hurriedly sent a quick text to Shengli, asking him for help. He needed a contract drafted ASAP that would stop future bloodshed, claiming that someone held his father hostage. Shengli read the message, but didn't respond. That was worrying, so Jingwei sent a longer, more descriptive message.

Shengli sent back twenty upset emojis. A good sign!

Meanwhile, Yue Niang and Sun Haowei had matching looks of incredulity in their eyes. Their eyes met by accident, and they hastily looked away, scoffing.

Reconnect with each other? Over their dead bodies! Li Tai Cheng was clearly out of his mind!

"I'll have you thrown in prison," Sun Haowei threatened. "You and your entire family will live and die as inmates!"

Instead of scaring Yue Niang, his words had the opposite effect and she lunged at him, grabbing at his collar.

"Since you already plan on imprisoning me, then I might as well go all out!" Yue Niang retorted and easily put him in a headlock, as though they were back to being children squabbling over the last eclair. "Don't think I can't beat you up just because you grew taller than me! You're a flabby old man now!"

They began roughhousing like belligerent children, grappling and hurling curses at each other. Outside, all they could hear was the stomping of feet and vulgarities and Captain Mu had already called the staff to get the master key, especially worried when he heard a loud thump at the door.

"This is so fucked," Xue Ning said, nearly tearing out her hair in anxiousness at every thump and groan that came from the other side. "If my family and I end up in prison, feel free to date someone else!"

Jingwei gave her a horrified look, as though she suggested skinning puppies to make a fur coat.

"I won't let him do that," He promised, but his words fell on deaf ears. She ignored him, turning to her own father.

"Dad, do you think we can run away in time? Fuck, why didn't you guys tell me the truth before? I wouldn't have let the both of you return! We could have avoided this entire mess!"

"True." Li Tai Cheng nodded, but he seemed remarkably calm at the thought of possible jail time. "Hindsight is always 20/20. But there are some things that cannot be avoided forever. I knew there was a chance this could happen, ever since I found out you were living with Jingwei."

"Why didn't you tell me then?!" Xue Ning lamented. "I would - I would have -"

"Left him without a word? Killed any chances of knowing him?" Li Tai Cheng finished, shaking his head while Jingwei had a stricken look on his face. "How could I do that to the both of you? We're the older ones here; it's not right for us to saddle you with our grievances. Let the adults settle it."

Li Tai Cheng purposely raised his voice at the end, hoping that the two morons he cared for heard him. He continued, cocking his head at the bathroom door.

"These idiots will work things out after they beat the shit out of each other. Don't worry too much. They've known each other too long to not work things out."

"Hey!" Both Yue Niang and Sun Haowei yelled in outrage. Li Tai Cheng's earlier words had created the slightest feeling of shame in them, but his later words provoked a response.

"How dare you call me an idiot? The idiot is him/her!" They both pointed at each other viciously and then continued hissing and spitting at each other as though they were stray cats that found themselves fighting over the same garbage dump.

"Stop copying me!"

"You're copying me!"

"No you are!"

"I said it first!"

Captain Mu sweatdropped. The conversation on the other end sounded remarkably juvenile.

"See? They have one shared brain cell," Li Tai Cheng said conspiratorially.

"Sir! I rushed here as quickly as I could!" A staff member knocked on the door, his legs wobbling with exertion, a key in his shaking hands. He was going to open the door, but Tai Cheng held him back with a cheerful grin.

"Oh, there's no rush, we can just leave them inside."

"What!" Everyone yelled, the loudest voices were from the two inside the bathroom.

"We'll let them out when they get hungry and promise to behave," Li Tai Cheng shrugged. "Let's order some food and eat right outside."

His wife and his old ex-friend needed time to sort out their issues, in a place where they couldn't run from each other, where they couldn't escape from uncomfortable conversations. This was the equivalent of him putting them in time out.

More importantly, that'll give Jingwei's lawyer enough time to draft an agreement for Sun Haowei to sign. It was always better to have it in black and white.

Captain Mu gawked. "You are a terrible man." He said, torn between appalled and approval.

"Thank you," Li Tai Cheng said cheerily, settling on the floor as though he was at a picnic. "Man, I could do with some pork buns."

"You're insane," Captain Mu said faintly. His daughter agreed.

"Dad, how are you so relaxed about this? This could be our last meal!" Xue Ning gritted out.

"Oh, so I should order something more expensive. Good idea," was Tai Cheng's nonchalant reply. "Alright, time to order abalone and shark's fin! I'm sure Sun Haowei's credit card is somewhere here…"

"Dad!"

"Don't worry, we'll all get to eat," Tai Cheng said. "Only people who are busy fighting inside the bathroom don't get a share."

"Bastard!" Sun Haowei yelled, outraged. "Don't use my card! I'll arrest you for fraud!"

"Husband, buy it all and bleed him dry! But leave me a share of food!" Yue Niang added.

"Nonsense! If anything, he should be leaving me food! Stop taking what's mine!" Sun Haowei retorted, leading them to snarl and claw at each other.

"He's not yours!" Yue Niang spat out.

"He was until you took him from me!" Sun Haowei hissed. They both knew that they weren't just talking about food any longer.